Yearning for… MYSELF.

Cause I’m not sure who this fat chick is!

GRUMBLE GRUMBLE May 25, 2011

Filed under: May — jewlz280 @ 11:26 am

I am NOT a happy camper this morning.  The youngest was up like, 3 times last night and I feel awful!  On top of that, I am still sick, on my cycle, and already worn out from traveling so I REALLY feel like poop.  I was hoping to get up today and feel great and be able to get a few things done around here.  The house really feels gross to me and I want to clean it so that starting next Monday, we can work on some projects.  I was just telling the hubby that we need to go over the calendar and PLAN on working on certain projects at certain times so that we have some time set aside to knock some of these things out.  Like, the bathroom, foyer, and back door.  Those are all things that need to be done and soon.  Our project list is pretty long and the only way we are going to make progress is if we get organized about it.  It will also help us to stress less if we are getting a plan/budget together.  Most of the budget stuff is done because we already have the supplies.  So, at this point it’s really about budgeting our time!  I would REALLY like to knock out 3 or even 4 projects in the next month.  I feel like I really need June to be productive.  But at this rate, not going to happen because I am so physically exhausted!  The hubbs goes back on nights tonight, so I hope that the kiddos give me a break and SLEEP.

Slowly getting back to eating better.  I had a moderate carb day yesterday.  With being ill, tired, etc., I didn’t want to drop too low and make myself feel worse or shock my system too much.  But I figure I can afford a day or two to drop it down and not have too many issues.  So, going to go even lower today.  Not Atkins low, but still lower.  Then I am thinking tomorrow will be a typical low day.  At least I think that’s how it will go.  I may end up eating lower today than what I planned.  Who knows.  When I’m at home, I just tend to naturally eat lower carb because we just don’t keep the stuff around.  Either way, getting there and making a move to better food.

Not sure what I’m going to do for exercise right now.  I may just try to go down and walk on the treadmill here in a while once youngest goes down for a nap.  Just depends on how I feel since I usually don’t work out if I don’t feel well.  But I think walking would be ok.  Just no jogging or heavy stuff.  But after all that walking in FL, I feel like I might as well keep it up!  I also just read a study that said that walking was the absolute best thing you could do to help skin — as in sag and cellulite.  I don’t have much sag (I’ve not lost enough to see it, yet) but I do have cellulite.  I noticed a difference when I was walking every day for at least 30min.  So, I for sure want to keep that up.  The benefits of walking are just too many to be ignored!  I hope I can do more stretching and pilates.  I enjoy the pilates because it REALLY tones me up and I look back at pics from where I was doing it regularly and WOW did I look GOOD!  Not that I look horrid now, but I looked good for sure then!  lol  Just got to find the time to fit it all in.

Not much else to talk about this AM.  I am still groggy and out of whack.  I LOVE vacation, but it does throw me off.  Not just diet wise, but everything wise.  LOL  I have to admit, though, that I have felt a certain amount of discontent coming home this time.  I’m not sure why that is or what to do about it.  I’ve always tried to be this person who lived in the moment and didn’t always just fantasize about the future.  I like to plan for the future, but with the thought in mind that it’s not guaranteed and that plans can change in any given second.  So, dealing with this discontent is hard.  I do really wonder if it is because there IS so much drama with family in this area that we just haven’t gotten as attached as we could be.  Maybe that means I need to make more of an effort and let the other things slide.  I really wish that the family drama was something I could let go, but no matter how much I try, it always ends up rearing it’s ugly head at some point.  How do you let go of those negative feelings and move on?  I’ve especially tried for my husband, but the hurt is so deep for me that it’s been hard.  I have tried to be forgiving, but the anger is still there.  But I don’t want to carry that anger around with me.  Or the resentment.  But even with telling myself to let it go, it’s there.  And for the sake of others, I can’t do anything else to deal.

Keep in mind, this isn’t something that rears it’s head daily.  It’s randomly when other issues come up and then all these old issues come down with it and it’s like it’s happening all over again.  I guess that’s really what bothers me is that it’s the same crap over and over and OVER again!  I just feel like screaming, GROW UP!!!!  I know, easier said than done.  Okay, that’s enough grumbling for now.  Going to go and attempt to get more awake and make today a good day.  Even though I feel like poop, I’ve got to at least TRY!

 

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