Yearning for… MYSELF.

Cause I’m not sure who this fat chick is!

Needing to write… May 26, 2009

Filed under: 2009 — jewlz280 @ 11:01 am

So, I find myself up this AM and needing to write.  Usually, I don’t write until late and night.  I don’t know why that’s my routine, but it is.  I just seem to follow that pattern to a T.  But today, I feel like spilling my guts out on the computer.  At first, I had wanted to write on my MySpace page, but then I thought, not sure if that is the right place to air all of my grievances at this point — too many people to read it and judge without knowing all the details.  Here, I know people are reading, but I also know they don’t know me personally.  And sometimes, it’s a relief to just let everything go and get third party opinions.  For me, sometimes just putting it down is a relief.  So, where to start???

First of all, I guess I should put down that I am NOT in a grumpy mood!  I actually feel really good this AM and motivated to get some things done.  I’ve been like this lately, up, in a good mood, and ready to accomplish things.  Although, I DID take a couple of half days off to read a good book and relax before we start our two week work-a-thon on the house!  I know I won’t get many chances at that point to just sit and relax, so I’m trying to do it now.  But today, I want to tie up some loose ends around the house and make sure our transition over to work mode is smoooooth!  That means, I am going to do some organizing and cleaning today along with cooking up some food so that we have pre-made meals.  I am also going to make double batches of shakes so that the hubby can have shakes with me if need be.  We’re going to be SUPER busy (I hope!) so the shakes may be the way to go for us during this time.  Anyways, back on point, I’m feeling really good and hoping to get a lot accomplished as soon as I am done here.

But I’m sure this leaves you wondering what I’m annoyed about?  Family.  I am SO sick of family issues!  I have my own drama going on here that I am trying to avoid like the PLAGUE but I feel like every time I turn around, more family issues come up.  My husband’s family decided to have a big ‘family’ cookout over the holiday weekend — minus us.  That’s right!  Yet, again, we were not invited to a family function.  I’d say if my hubby and his sis weren’t so close, we wouldn’t be invited to that, either.  But, nothing I can do.  I’m tired of fighting, tired of being angry, and tired of trying.  So, why do I feel so annoyed???  Cause it’s like a slap in the face every time I turn around.  And let me tell you ladies, I don’t like being slapped.  No sir, I’m a fight girl who when provoked, wants to fight back and sling the dirt!  I’m trying really hard not to.  I want to, but I’m trying REALLY HARD not to.  The only thing I can hope for is that when I spoke with a family member earlier in the week that I mentioned the work schedule and that’s why we weren’t invited.  Isn’t it sad I’m hoping that I said something that kept them from inviting us?  I’d rather it be that than my husband think that he was left out…. AGAIN.  URGH.

Now on to FRIENDS.  I am a DAMN good friend and always there for everyone at the drop of a dime.  If someone needs me, I feel like it’s my duty to be there and support them.  Now, before you go and start thinking, WHAT A DUMBASS!  Let me clarify — this is only true if you are a person I trust.  Now, with that said, you tick me off, say something snarky, or end up just being a butt head then all bets are off.  You’re on your own and good luck with that.  And here LATELY, I keep feeling like everything I thought I knew about my friends is wrong.  A certain friend (well, someone I THOUGHT was my friend) has turned around behind my back and gone to another friend and said I was a liar.  WHAT???  You hypocritical BITCH!  I am super mad.  Luckily, the other friend KNEW what was going on and didn’t believe the other said friend one bit.  And TOLD HER THAT!  Which, really changed the way I see my current friends.  I’m starting to really see who’s there and who’s THERE.  And this other said friend is going to have a rude awakening when she comes asking for help.  Cause as of right now, I haven’t said a word to her that I know and neither has my other friend.  But when she comes begging for help (and she WILL) boy is she going to have a big shock coming!  Cause I’m going to let it FLY!  The only time she calls me anymore is to ask for something.  And this time when she asks, I’m going to give her an earfull!

As you can imagine, under the best of circumstances it’s hard to diet.  But when you’re dealing with emotional stuff and even physcial stuff, it can be hard.  But I have NOT given up.  I’ve been sticking to low carb eating as much as possible and still doing a couple of shakes a day.  But I’m thinking of uping the shakes to 3 this week.  Maybe even 4.  I’m going to be SO busy, I’m afraid I’m going to forget to eat.  And I REALLY need to do this and lose at least 20 more lbs.  I’ve been great on the exercise lately, and I need to go and get that in here in a bit — I’ve been doing the C25K program!  Mixed with walking. :D  I’m really enjoying it much more than I thought I would!  I mean, I NEVER thought I’d enjoy running, but there IS something freeing about it.  Not sure if I’ll ever make it to the end, but I’m going to TRY.  I’d love to be up to running 3 miles per day about 4 days a week.  I think that would be AWESOME!

OH!  And I finally bought a balance disk!  I had been looking everywhere for a decently priced one and finally found one for $15 at Marshalls!  I was so excited!  :D  I am thinking of starting that today now that I have a couple of weeks under my belt of doing the walking and running again.  I’m not starting too slow — I get bored!  But I also don’t want to overdo it.  lol  So, I want to do these things and keep a routine going but change it up now and then.  Like, I’d like to work on balance the days I don’t run.  Maybe I should do running/walking today and do balance/stretching every other day???  Hmmm…. that sounds good!  We’ll see what works.  I’ll try different things!  All I know is that the balance and stretch I’m doing require a lot of core work which uses a lot of leg muscle and of course, stomach muscles.  So, not sure if I want to do them together or separate.  Guess I’ll just have to try different things and see what works together and doesn’t strain me.

I guess my overall feeling is good.  Just annoyed at outside sources.  Well, and my own body.  I had my yearly check-up and it looks as if my cholesterol is high.  WHAT?  Cholesterol?  Really?  I was in total shock.  I mean, I’ve never had it checked before that I can remember except for when I was pregnant.  But really, that?  All my other numbers were spectacular.  Even my Insulin came back normal which hasn’t happened in I couldn’t tell you when!  So, I was super shocked.  I mean, I eat whole grains when I’m eating carbs, lean meats, and tons of veggies and some fruit.  Where is the cholesterol from?  Turns out, you can be doing all the right things and STILL have high cholesterol according to what I’ve read so far.  *sigh*  THIS.  IS.  BULL.  SHIT.  I mean, I work my butt off to lose the 40lbs. I’ve lost and to get my PCOS under control only to get to this point and have a whole new problem develop.  I just don’t get it.  Makes NO sense to me.  URGH.  I’m a 29 year old female who’s worked her butt off only to develop high cholesterol.  S-C-R-E-A-M!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My wonderful father put it in perspective, though.  He said maybe at my highest weight last year of 226.5, my cholesterol was MUCH higher and I just didn’t know it.  NOW, it’s actually going down, but because I don’t know what the number was last year, it just appears like it’s going up.  For some reason, that DID make me feel much better.  I go back in 3mos. to check it again.  I know at that point if it isn’t down, they are going to want to put me on meds.  I’m going to reject them and tell him that I want to give myself and my body some more time to adjust and bring it down naturally.  I’d say maybe another 3 to 6 months at that point.  If after then I can’t do it on my own, I’ll do the meds cause I will know this is a hereditary thing and not something I can just get rid of without help.  I just really hope I can do it on my own.  I don’t want to be 29 and taking meds for the rest of my life.  Yet another reason I need to get back on these shakes and get more weight off.  I think if I can lose another 20lbs., it will really help.  Right now, I’m still considered obese at the high 180’s.  In the 160’s, I think I would just be overweight.

So, there’s my last few weeks.  Not as bad as I thought it was going to be.  Not so bad at all!  I felt good before, but now I’m feeling REALLY good!  I think I’m going to get up off of here and get some stuff done around my house!  Stuff that I won’t have to worry about while we are working!  YAY!  I may even go for that play date this afternoon and then come home to finish up more.  :D  Yessiree!  I’m feeling better!  Well, on that note, going to get going and get as far as I can in one day!

 

Going down! The toilet that is! May 8, 2009

Filed under: 2009 — jewlz280 @ 11:25 am

Well, I was correct in that all this ‘weight’ I had gained was only WATER!  I got up and weighed this morning and I am back down to 188.5.  Now, granted, that isn’t my lowest of 184, but it’s getting darn close!  And it’s only 2lbs. from my ‘holding’ weight.  I only saw 184 ONCE but I seem to stick around 186.5.  I’m hoping to break out of that cycle this month and see the 170’s.  That is my goal for this month!

But the last couple of days PHEW!  I feel like I’ve been LIVING in the bathroom!  I drank a TON of water which means I flushed out a ton of water! I actually lost count!  My hubby thought it was hilarious until HE stepped on the scale and saw that he hadn’t lost ANY of his vacation weight.  He got up and decided to have a shake — good choice!  LMAO!  Usually, weight just falls off of him, but I gotta tell you — while I was trying to stay on plan as much as possible, he was eating everything in sight!  I know that he ate like, 3 or 4 brownies in one night and TWO bowls of ice cream!  I had some brownie and ice cream, too, but I had ate on plan all day and even managed OK at dinner.  But he fell right off the wagon and is paying for it now!  But trust me, in just a day or two of being back on track, he’ll drop like, 5lbs.!  Men suck sometimes.

The last couple of days really haven’t been hard.  I found myself wanting off limit stuff this AM, but I think it’s because I’m really tired.  First day back on plan, I had a down day of doing nothing but relaxing after our trip home.  Yesterday, I spent running around at my son’s school, catching up with the other Moms, playing with Bug in the backyard, and picking up and cleaning.  Amazes me how the house can get dirty with no one HERE!  But I think it’s the wrath of getting out the door and coming in that wrecks the house.  But as of last night, other than the living room and laundry, I’ve made great progress in getting things cleaned up.  I should’ve gone to bed instead of cleaning, but I had wanted some time for other things (like playing with my son while he was awake!) instead of cleaning then.  So, I stayed up a bit late and did it.

NOW, I need to get my checkbook balanced, pay bills, update the calendars, and plan this weeks menu.  The Farmer’s Market is open in our area once again and I plan on hitting that up, but not sure what all I will find there.  I’m hoping a LOT!  I’d much rather buy fresh locally grown produce than shipped in stuff.  I mean, I’ll buy at the store if I need to, but I’d much rather support my local economy.  Especially NOW.  Not to mention that last year, the stuff was SO good!  hehehe  Well, guess I better get at it or I’m never going to get it done.  Off to accomplish some things today!

 

Writing a new post May 6, 2009

Filed under: 2009 — jewlz280 @ 4:28 pm

Well, I’m back from vacay and decided to write a new post.  That’s right, VACAY!  After my last post, the hubbs and I talked and decided that we really needed to take a break and get away for a bit.  We were both just FRIED and feeling the crunch and decided that for once, we were going to put us and our needs ahead of what anyone else wanted or needed.  I know that sounds selfish, but that is EXACTLY what we needed right now.  And it was GREAT!  We went to SC to see some friends we haven’t seen in a while.  We’ve missed them so much.  While there, we went to the beach, went out to eat, shopped, etc.  I stuck to low carb for all but 2.5 days and then I am back on the wagon today and doing fine other than being exhausted.  But I AM proud to say that I bought TONS of new clothes (at great deals!) all in L and 14’s!  AWESOME!  I knew that at like, Wal-mart and Goody’s I had been a 14, but had no idea I could wear them in the higher end clothes.  I AM ECSTATIC!  I’m hoping these clothes will last for this summer and if I have to buy more next year, so be it.  But for this year, I think I can make all these shirts work.

Anyways, it was a nice relaxing vacation that was overdue in my book.  And thankfully, these are great friends who are low drama and great to hang with.  We all talked about the drama going on around us and how we were feeling pulled in the middle and how we all thought we could handle it.  Unfortunately, not many ways to deal with it other than to stay out of it.  I try, I really do, but sometimes it’s hard for me to keep my opinion to myself when someone is doing the same ol’ things over and over again and then asks me what I think.  It’s like, don’t ask if you don’t really wanna know!!!  But they always ask and inevitably get upset when you point out what it is they knew they didn’t want to hear.  Like, yeah, you’re being a big baby — grow up, get a job, and stop whining to me about things and then saying that I don’t get it!  I mean, I may be older than you (by only 5yrs!) but I DO remember what it’s like to be in your early 20’s and struggle.  We ALL have been through it!  Get OVER yourself!

Back to the important stuff.  I weighed in this AM at 196.  :O  Yes, I realize that sounds high, but I do NOT travel well!  I love to travel, but I find I don’t eat or drink enough when traveling.  Then I had my cheat day on Sunday night.  MORE travel on Monday and I didn’t eat 100%.  Then yesterday was Cinco de Mayo.  I didn’t take any of the days off totally (which I don’t like to do, I’d rather just have one thing off).  But I will say, yesterday had lots of tequila and cerveza.  OY.  But it was FUN!  So, today I woke up to a REALLY high number, my period, and TONS of BLOAT!  My skin on my hands was swelled up over my ring!!!  I’ve been drinking my water and shakes (640z of water down and it’s only 5PM) like a mad woman!  I swear, I don’t think my toilet has been used this much in ages!  My water bill from drinking and flushing is going to be through the ROOF.  LMAO  But amazingly, the swelling is already moving down.  So, that leads me to believe that given a couple of days, that 196 will be back down in the mid-180’s.

And hopefully, in a few weeks I will be seeing the 170’s.  I am on it people.  I want this!!!!  I had so much fun shopping and seeing my friends and going to the beach without feeling like a WHALE.  It makes me want to continue seeing those numbers go down.  I want to be a healthy and happy weight and be able to maintain it for the rest of my life.  I want to feel good, look good, and not have to worry so much about weight-related health issues.  I wish that after all this time that I had been able to find a way without doing the shakes, but losing at all has been a huge victory for me.  The only way for me is this, and I CAN do it.  I mean, I started this path last July on the 31st.  I hope to be in the low 170’s by then.  I will be VERY happy with a 50lb.+ weight loss at that point.  I will feel like I’m on top of the world!

Well, I guess I should stop rambling.  I’m overall just in a better place today, if somewhat bloated and tired.  But by next week, I hope to start seeing progress down.  I’m keeping track in my notebook and on my calendar — and of course, on here.  I really do need to start getting on the forums some, but I just never seem to get to it!  Maybe I’ll go cruise over on there now.  ;)  Toodles!

 

On It April 25, 2009

Filed under: 2009 — jewlz280 @ 2:37 pm

Well, after my last post, I kept going, but I wasn’t seeing much change.  And sadly, I’m still not seeing much change!  I’m really thinking I’m going to have to go back to my full on LD with L&G to start seeing some results.  Although, I AM being hard on myself.  I’ve been on it like GLUE the last five or six days, and realize that I probably wasn’t being great before.  But now, I really do need to get it down.  I want to get this weight off, and I don’t see getting that done without going back to what I was doing before.  I can maintain eating, I just can’t seem to lose.  *sigh*  I’m just going to have to go back to what I was doing for MONTHS and just DO IT.  I NEED to see the 170’s!  So, over the last five days, that’s what I’ve been doing and it seems like it’s working.  Although, I can’t tell today because we did a butt ton of walking yesterday out in the heat and I seem to retain when we do that.  So, even though I weighed 187.5 yesterday and then 188 last night, this AM I weighed in at 189.5.  SO, that leads me to believe I am dehydrated and my body is retaining water.  Which is fine — I’m going to try to get in 4 big 32oz. bottles today.  I usually only do 2 or 3.  Going for 4 is a big push, but I need to do it.

UGH.  I’m just feeling so frustrated in so many areas of my life and I know that’s why I’m not making the progress I would like anywhere.  My house is still a shambles from all the work, all my friends are going through really hard times and are unable to be of any kind of support, I’m dealing with some major family issues and some minor financial issues.  I just feel like I’m drowning.  And the thing is, I have no one to help me.  I have no one to really lean on other than my husband, and really, I don’t want to dump everything on him all of the time.  So, I’m carrying the load along and just hoping my back doesn’t break.  All the while, I’m trying really hard to stick to my plan and move forward.  I’m basically putting all of my faith in God’s ability to take care of it all by pushing me where I need to be.  I don’t know what else to do.

So, the one area I have control is food and exercise and it’s what I’ve got to do.  I really want to break through my low of 184, but I’ve been sitting here between 185 and 190 and as high as like, 192 for weeks now.  I just want to keep going and not struggle with everything every day.  But I sabotage myself and allow myself to have things I normally wouldn’t.  That’s why this last week, I’ve been really trying to buckle down.  I did have breakfast today, but I am having a shake now and I will have another before dinner and then instead of any food tonight, I will have a shake for my ‘dessert’.  I need to get back into that habit.  I did that before and ended up changing that over, but I think that was my mistake.  I need that last shake to keep my metabolism going strong.  Breakfast is okay or a snack with food, but I need to do mostly shakes to keep my carb count low enough to lose (and my cals) and then the L&G at dinner.  And that’s what I’m doing.  Although, some days it’s not shake, shake, snack, shake, dinner, shake.  Mostly because it can be difficult when the hubbs is home.  But in order to lose, I’ve got to get over that and push through.

I’m sorry if I sound so down, repetitive, or rambley.  My brain is just mush today and I have no idea how to coordinate my thoughts anymore.  I really should get up from here and knock out a project or two and that would probably help my frame of mind more than anything.  Mostly cause with the house being a wreck, it feels like everything else is a wreck as well.  Which, ironically, is true.  I just don’t know where to begin.  I should probably finish the SECOND coat of paint on the ceiling downstairs, straighten up the bedrooms, and then by the time that was done, it would be time to start dinner.  UGH.  Just finding the motivation to do those things is hard.  I also need to balance the checkbook.  FUN.  I’m just so out of whack — I need a real down day so I can feel normal again!  Only problem is, not sure when I’ll get one of those again.

 

TWO April 9, 2009

Filed under: 2009 — jewlz280 @ 9:14 am

That’s right — TWO posts in TWO days!  Shock of almighty shocks.  LOL

Anyways, just wanted to post that I am already starting to drop some of this built up fluid.  I weighed in at 190 this AM, so I am hoping to be very close to my low by next week.  I’ll probably weigh-in on Thursday or Friday.  I haven’t had any water, yet, this AM, but I’m about to get on it.  I’m actually thinking of trying to paint for a couple of hours before I have to be at the school.  If I get started soon, I could do at least an hour to an hour and a half.  Which would allow me to knock out a big chunk of the celing.  And since that really needs to be done, that’s sounding better and better by the minute!  That alone would be a good amount of exercise!!!!  I need to clean the kitchen and do some laundry, but I could do that later.  While I can, I really should paint!  The sooner I do it, the sooner it’s done!  LOL

Food is going well.  The chocolate shakes are really helping me because when I’m in a hurry (like this morning), I can just grab a shake and go.  But with still doing L&G for major meals, I can really have flexibility.  I don’t want to do all shakes, but having them for when I need them is AWESOME.  I’ve not even had any major cravings or challenges as far as food goes.  Which surprises me since I didn’t eat so well for a couple of days!  Usually, cravings are insane.  But I realize I can control it, so I do.  I really want to drop some more numbers.  I want to be very close to a healthy weight — as close as I can get and maintain without killing myself to be there.  That’s just no way to live.  :)

I realized the other day that I am the ‘fat friend’.  I always knew it, but it really hit me the other day that I am no longer going to be the ‘really fat friend’.  I may still be heavier than my little group of friends, but it’s going to be by only 10 to 30lbs. (I have some very thin friends!) instead of 50 to 70.  I don’t mind carrying a little extra weight as long as I know I’m eating healthy and getting my exercise, but before, I was just BIG.  Even now with just about 40lbs. down, I see a difference in the way people look at me and treat me, how I feel, and in how I feel I look day to day.  Overall, it’s been a big change.  And even now when my average weight is in the 180’s, I feel good.  I may be heavier, but I’m not huge.  So, it’s a good feeling for me right now.  The scary part is, I didn’t really see how big I was when I was in the 220’s and about to hit the 230’s.  I see now how bad it was and I am VERY glad that I chose to take another whack at it and try to lose this weight.  I almost gave up!  And I am doing it!  Slowly, but doing it.  NONE of my old friends have every seen my weight this low.  So, whether I am in the 150’s or 180’s, it’s going to be a shock for them to see me.  Which is a nice thought.  LOL  It’s always nice to make a good changes and others see it!

Well, I think I’ve rambled on enough.  I really should get my tushy in gear and get downstairs and do some painting.

 

2 Part April 8, 2009

Filed under: 2009 — jewlz280 @ 2:04 pm

Hello dieting world!  Hope everyone is doing great and sticking to their plan!  Why?  Cause I’m not!  :O  I’ve not been horrible, but the whole LD thing has not been at the top of my priority list lately. I’m still doing low carb/low GI, but doing the shakes wasn’t working.  I think I made a bad batch.  I made a pitcher like I normally do (which usually lasts a day or two depending) but in coffee flavor, and I could NOT suck it down.  My husband said he would drink it, but was being so slow.  But until he drank them, I didn’t want to make more and just waste it.  So, I just held off making any more.  Well, it’s been what feels like FOREVER and we finally just wasted them and poured them out.  I can’t keep waiting.  And the truth is, eating for me has been hard because I’ve been wanting my shakes!  Sometimes eating low carb and low GI can get BORING.  Not to mention difficult when you have to be out and about.  I’d really just like to have a yummy chocolate shake and GO.

So, I’m going to make a fresh batch of chocolate shakes today to have for my snacks.  I’m really liking having a ‘real’ breakfast and still doing the L&G dinner.  Although, last night we did have fast food because it was SO late and we were STARVED.  BAD PLANNING!  I think if I had good shakes, I would’ve had one of those and not been so starved.  As it were, we were hectic trying to make a delivery before this storm hit and I was afraid to take the time to MAKE food to eat.  But I’m not going to jump into the shakes full force.  Going to add them back in gradually cause I don’t think I want to go back to them full force.  Just want to use them as fillers to keep my metabolism up.  Why?  Cause I was still maintaining and even slowly losing until this last week.  And I truly think the reason the last week hasn’t been great because of too much salt and too many carbs that even though low GI, were still too much.  But today, going to work on that because I really want to get to a 12!  LOL  And right  now, I’m thinking that I am a good 15lbs. from that — maybe even 20 with my slight trend today of 190.  Which is up 6lbs. from my lowest.

But I am not going to freak.  TOM is here, so I’m not too worried.  I’m going to have a good breakfast today, lots of water, and remember my vitamins.  Going to have a good breakfast with some higher carbs, a shake, lunch, shake, dinner, and then some sort of small snack like the yummy almonds.  :D  Well, that is if I can fit it all in!  That would be like, 6 small meals and most days I’m lucky to get in 5.  The last few days have been like, 3!  So, I’m sure my body is holding right now.  I don’t blame it — I’ve not been great to it!  So, gotta get to doing better and get the rest of this yuck off my body.  I’m back to needing to lose another 35lbs. instead of needing to lose less than 30.  YUCK.  But I will do better this week.  OH!  And I can exercise again!  Our workout room is done and I am also going to start working on training the dogs — alone.  I am going to start really walking them instead of just having outside play time.  They need some EXERCISE and TRAINING!  So, I’m going to take on the challenge.  I need to invest in some majorly yummy dog incentive.  No, not dog treats — that doesn’t work for them.  More like, some hot dog chunks, yummy cheese, or plain baked chicken.  And since they won’t be eating them except for training and that will hopefully be a short time, it won’t hurt them.  We’ve tried actual dog treats, and Cocoa doesn’t seem interested.  Not sure why.  Anyways, I want to start walking them 4x/wk.  That’s 2x for each dog.  I would do more, but with my 3yr. old, that can be a hard task!  So, they will be walked while he is in school during the week, which is 3 days.  The other day I will have to scratch out somewhere!

********************************************************************************************************

Well, I started this post the day before yesterday and I am glad to say that I am back to getting my butt in gear.  I didn’t walk the dog today, but I DID do 30mins. on the treadmill.  I should’ve done the Flexibility training, but I had plans for today, so I was happy to fit in the treadmill.  Now, if I can just get in a few more days like that, I’ll be doing good!  Tomorrow I hope to get in some time, too, but not sure how it will work out because my son has his Easter party tomorrow.  I’m one of the set-up and clean-up people, so not sure how that will go.  I am thinking of mapping out a walk and taking one dog with me in the AM and going from there.  Then I could bring the doggy home, clean-up, and go right back to the school if need be.  I’m going to have to squeeze food in there somewhere — thank goodness my shakes are already mixed up!  I’m on my second one today!  I had one after working out, lunch, and now this is my ’snack’.  YUMMY!

Well, I should bring this to an end.  Not much else other than weighing in at 192 today, but I know that it’s water — TOM arrived.  So, now I am just waiting it out.  Drinking LOTS of fluids and getting back on the wagon.  Hoping before too long to be back down to 185 and then down to the lower 180’s!  It’ll take some time, but I can do it.  Ugh.  Need to call about ordering my bridesmaids dress!  But that’s a story for another day.  :D

 

ECHO!!!! March 29, 2009

Filed under: 2009 — jewlz280 @ 11:30 pm

I’m starting to think that NO ONE reads these blogs I post.  My very first post back in December got two comments.  Since then, NADA.  Does anyone read this or am I rambling for myself???  Not that I guess it really matters, but I’d sure like to know if someone is reading…

The last few days have gone well, but the scale isn’t moving.  I’m sticking to LC, but I’ve not been getting my shakes in like I should, I guess.  But it’s been kinda hard.  I’m still getting one or two in a day, but I know I should be doing 3 to 4 with one ‘real’ snack and then a lean and green dinner.  I do well with that for a few days, but then when I have to be out running around all day, it’s just impossible!  I am seriously considering buying one of those little electric refrigerators for your car that plugs into your cig lighters.  If I had one of those, I could buy EAS or Atkins shakes to take with me on those days that I have to be out A LOT.  URGH.  I decided today to suck it up and start writing down my food again.  Even if I can’t measure everything, I’m going to eyeball it and write it down.  I hope that I can figure out where I’m going wrong.  I know that I’ve not been doing the shakes, but my food hasn’t been horrible by any stretch.  Well, maybe not last week, but I’ve been on it this week.

Eh, maybe it’s just the natural course of things.  Not going to let it drive me too nutty.  Just going to focus on my intake and sticking to my plan.  If I let every bump deter me, I’ll never reach goal!  So, going to just keep on keeping on knowing that eventually, the scale will have to give.  And besides, my energy level has been good today!  I hope it continues hard and strong for about a week!  We have so much work to do that it would be awesome to knock out an insane amount of work over the next few days and then maybe have one day to just spend together (which we would probably do anyways, but it would be nice to do it without guilt!).  I knocked out what felt like a huge chunk today, and if I can do that and some other major stuff tomorrow, I’ll be well on my way!  I guess my biggest thing is to finish filing all these random papers and then get the stuff cleaned that’s up for sale.  I want to get that posted and out of here.  I can tell you one major thing I’m getting rid of if it can’t be improved upon is our extra side-by-side fridge.  It quit working out of the blue, and we need something reliable.  We buy groceries in bulk a lot, so losing the fridge woulda been a hard hit had it been full and I hadn’t caught it right away.  We ended up only losing a couple of frozen veggie trays that had been at the top next to the blower when it started blowing hot air.  Annoying, but better than a big loss.  So, now I need a new freezer and/or fridge.  I need to store some fridge items, but mostly frozen.  Wish they made a big freezer with a small fridge instead of vice versa!  LOL

Well, I think I’m going to jump off of here.  I’m feeling a bit snacky, so I need to eat something.  Not sure what, but something.  Maybe some yummy almonds.

 

Start of a new week… March 23, 2009

Filed under: 2009 — jewlz280 @ 10:46 am

It is now Monday and the start of a new week!  I’m trying to feel more positive this week as I felt like last week was a flop.  Not that I did horrible, but I didn’t lose!  We ate out — A LOT!  And then I had an off day yesterday just because I felt like it.  And for some reason, I feel better today.  Not really sure why.  Maybe I just needed a zone out day not to think about everything.  I literally sat on my butt on the couch all day reading an awesome book.  And for some reason, my son was perfectly happy to work on little projects, watch a little TV, and then spend some quality time with Daddy.  It really was super nice for me!  And I don’t think I went crazy.  I just had whatever I felt like I wanted that I hadn’t had in a while.  Which was just one serving of ice cream, an apple with PB, some pasta for dinner, and I think I had a sugar cookie at some point, but that’s all.  See, not tons of craziness!  LOL

But today, I feel good and feel like I’m ready to get back down to business after a week that was just not good enough to lose.  So, I’m drinking my big bottle of water right now and will be having a shake momentarily along with my vitamins.  Then I’m going to try to motivate myself to get these tons of dishes cleaned up!  My stupid dishwasher is broken!  And the darn thing is NEW.  URGH.  I’m ready to sell it and buy another one!  I have come to the conclusion that I HATE Maytag products!  Our fridge and dishwasher are both Maytag and have done nothing but give us heartache since we purchased them when we first moved in.  URGH  I am seriously thinking that if I run this load and they come out clean (we used that dishwasher cleaner stuff yesterday) I may put the stupid thing up for sale.  After it’s sold, I’m going to purchase a Kenmore, Fridgidaire, or LG.  I’m just sick of this one!  And I’ve tried to keep up over the last few days, with the dishes.  But let me tell you, it’s hard!  I never realized how much time I had spent on dishes in our old place that didn’t have a dishwasher.  :O  Shocking!  Of course, things are different now with a child, our diets, and even the hubby’s job.  Makes a big difference in the amount of mess!  LOL

Anyways, back on point, this week is going to be a good week diet and exercise wise!  I am going to be sticking 100% to plan and now that I can get to my treadmill and my living room isn’t a disaster area, I will be able to work out!  Sleep is much better than before and I am trying to remember my vitamins, too.  SO, I think that this week will be good.

Well, I better get off of here.  I wanna go get a shake and read a few blogs before I get started for the day.  I know — late start!  But, I take advantage of sleeping in whenever I can!  But it’s okay, PROGRESS is the name of the game!  OHHHHH!!!  That’s what I was going to say!  I’m going to be getting some stickers to help keep track of my progress on my calendar.  I was just hand writing everything on there, but it was getting too messy.  So, I have a ‘home’ calendar which has all the family stuff including my hubby’s schedule and stuff going on at my son’s school and birthdays and now I have my own personal weight-loss calendar to keep up with my ‘on’ days, my weigh-ins, etc.  I also made the decision to blog only about weight loss on here and to keep my MySpace page to overall updates.  And the other forum I’m on, well, I’m still posting there, but not keeping up with much.  I figure I’m doing enough!  OK, NOW that’s all!  Off to catch up!

 

Grumpy March 20, 2009

Filed under: 2009 — jewlz280 @ 5:58 pm

I’m having a super grumpy day.  My son is driving me NUTS!  He just got the butt busting he’s been working toward all day AND two smacks on the leg.  Why you ask?  He kicked the crap outta the dog for NO reason and I was at my wits end.  I’ve tried taking away toys, taking him out of the situation, time out, you name it!  I’ve done it all, and to that end, NOTHING has budged him.  He still kicks the dog every opportunity he gets when they are playing.  URGH.  So, as punishment on top of the spanking, he’s having to lay in bed in his room with no TV and no toys.  At almost 4, you’d think I could reason with him a bit on this, but nope.  He just does it again and again and I’m tired of doing the time out to no avail.  The spanking was the last option.  I told him that after this, if he does it again, he will no longer be allowed to play with them — EVER.  I swear, I will give them both to new homes before I allow him to continue to kick them!  That’s how kids get bitten by nice dogs — they terrorize them to the point where the poor animals have had all they can take.  So, not going to ignore it and be like, oh, it’s just something kids do. BULLSHIT!  It’s terrorizing and I am NOT putting up with it!!!!!!!!!!

As far as diet goes, I’m not doing too hot.  I’ve had 4tbsp. of PB which is about 10g of carbs.  But I had to.  It was that or a cookie!  And seeing as how the cookie (ONE) would’ve been 17g, I saved myself 7 and at least it was ‘healthy’ fat, carbs, and cals.  But since then, I’ve felt better.  All day, I’ve felt grumpy and out of whack.  Not to mention crazy tired.  But after the PB, I felt better and got up to do things.  I got the toilet cleaned and the nightstand prepped and one coat of paint, so I was feeling good.  I sat down to wait for the paint to dry and maybe post on here when my son started his kicking stint.  I went from feeling tired and out of sorts to flat out GRUMPY.  I HATE when I feel like this because I feel like nothing on earth will stop my mood.  Anyways, back to point, other than the PB, I’ve had two shakes, two beef sticks, a diet coke, half a glass of flavored water, and one bottle of water.  I’m about to chug another water, though.  I want to get in at least 3 more tonight if not 4.  I’ve not taken my vitamins, yet, but I will.

Still no exercise.  When my son is home, I just don’t seem to be able to get it in.  And then with being over the top grumpy, I sure haven’t made it a priority to get it in today!  I’ve got to get that back on track.  One thing I am proud to say is that I have finally gotten my sleep on track.  For the last few nights, I’ve been working hard to getting in bed before 1AM.  The last two nights, I’ve started getting ready and have been in bed at about 12:30.  I know that sounds late, but for me it’s early.  It was weird that I woke up yesterday on my own before my son!  I think I was in shock because that hasn’t happened since I don’t know when.  But it was good.  I felt great yesterday and felt like I could take on the world.

TODAY, however, as I mentioned, the day is feeling like crap.  Everyone is all happy and chipper about Spring, and I’m just ready for today to be OVER.  I sure hope that tomorrow goes much better.  Just not sure how much more crappiness I can take out of this day.  And this seems to always be the way of it for me.  I’ll have a few productive and wonderful days, and then a totally crapped out day.  I just can’t figure out why my son is being the grouch of the century that would cause him to kick his best friend.  While out running errands yesterday, he was a little grump, too.  Not as bad as he could’ve been, but for sure not good.  Spring Break SUCKS.  At least for a Mom of a 3yr. old who LOVES school.  I really think that’s why he’s mad — I think he doesn’t understand why he’s home from school.  And honestly, I think he’s mad at Mommy!  Why do I think it’s that?  Cause he’s asked me several times why can’t he go to school.  I’ve told him why, but I don’t think he understands why school is out and that it isn’t Mommy just keeping him from it.  It doesn’t help he missed all of last week because of being sick.

OH, the joys of parenthood.  I’m tired and feel like crap, I have a grumpy toddler, and I have two dogs whose feelings are hurt.  URGH.  Can I just go to bed, sleep for a week, and wake up to a happier world?  And yes, I know I’m whining.  Quite frankly, I don’t care!  I needed to whine.  Hope everyone else is enjoying the day.

 

Stuff March 18, 2009

Filed under: 2009 — jewlz280 @ 11:08 pm

Creative title, I know.  But hey, at least I put something there!  LMFAO!  Anyways, I haven’t updated since my last weigh-in and I wanted to let it be known that I finally hit 184!  YAY!  However, as of just an hour ago, I was at 190 - BOO!  But, it’s not a big deal for me.  Tonight was my night off, so I had a lot of salty food and half of an ice cream.  I also had some rice with my dinner, so I’m sure that’s blown me up!  But it didn’t taste all that great so I didn’t eat anymore.  This AM, I think I was 187.5.  I was swollen a bit, too.  AND, not been great on water.  So, hopefully by the time my next weigh-in rolls around, I’ll see 183.  I enjoyed the ice cream and half was actually more than I needed.  I just finished it to finish it and I shouldn’t have.  Next time, if I’m full or satisfied, just going to let it sit.  I don’t know why I can do it with anything else, but not ice cream.  Just makes no sense.

Sleep has been going MUCH better.  After a couple of nights of using the PM meds, I finally have been able to go to sleep at a regular time.  It’s almost 12 now, and I’m feelin’ snoozy.  So, I’m hoping that means that I am getting back in the ‘groove’.  Food (other than today) has been good.  I tried to do my cheat night last night, but just wasn’t into it.  I did have a bit of ice cream, but only like 1/4c regular chocolate chip cookie dough.  I literally ate a few bites and was done.  I was going to have more tonight, but once I was there and ready to order, I just didn’t want it.  Strange.  So, I had my usual drink, my usual food, and then half the dessert.  Oh, and that darn rice that didn’t do it for me so I ended up not eating it.  But my tummy isn’t 100% happy with it.  Maybe it’s good that the food isn’t rocking my socks.  Maybe that means my body really is getting set to not have ‘junk’.  Vitamins — not so good.  Just can’t seem to remember to take them!  Going to try harder tomorrow.  Water — good until the last few days.  Going to REALLY focus on that and flush out the yuckies.  Now, on to exercise.  NOT good at all. :(  Although, I am happy to report that I can now reach my equipment and should be able to get back at it soon.  I have been staying busy over the last week, but I really like to get in that ‘planned’ or ‘orgnazied’ workout.  But with the sickness last week (my son had a HORRID cold) and the stuff downstairs not reachable,  AND the hubby being on nights, well, just didn’t do it.  So far this week is a no go, too.  Going to TRY to do some sort of planned thing tomorrow even if it’s something off of DVR!

Well, I should get going but I also wanted to mention that getting down to 184 helped me to pass the 40lbs. mark which was at 186.5!  I look forward to hitting 45 and then 50.  I just can’t imagine being at 176.5.  Right now, I feel like I’ve changed so much that I just can’t imagine that number.  At that point, I will only have about 20lbs. left!  Or 30.  We’ll see.  But I just can’t imagine what 176.5 looks like much less smaller.  I mean, I know that I’ve been there before, but it was sooooooo long ago that I just don’t remember.  I’m thinking that the lower 170’s will be a 12 for me.  Right now, those 14’s are fitting loose with me in the lower 180’s.  So, that’s what I’m thinking.  My friend is in the 150’s and she’s an 8 and I’m curvier than her, so I’m thinking lower 160’s will be a 10 and then lower 150’s will be an 8.  Not sure if I want to go lower or not or if it will go that way, but kinda thinking that’s how it goes.  I may need like, 5lbs. adjusted up since I’m curvy.  We’ll see.  I’m not stuck on it, so it’s not a big deal.  It is now officially a little past 12 so I need to get to bed soon.  Think I’ll have a little more water, a lil’ protein shake, and take my booty to bed.  G’night!

 

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