I hate always saying it will be different and then nothing changes. Failing over and over again is so depressing. I wish that when I was a kid my parents wouldn’t have let me get fat. I know it couldn’t have been helped. I know there was a divorce, and when that happened there was a lot of stuff that came with it. Also when I got old enough to know obesity was unhealthy I should have handled it promptly and taken charge. I am so frustrated; and though today is a new day and a new beginning it just seems like it will be another failure.

I already had flaws in my day. I tracked my points today and did well until dinner where I didn’t think that cheese in my tacos would be a terrible thing. But I haven’t tracked points for a while and cheese that isn’t low in fat isn’t going to help me at all… I just didn’t want to buy the more expensive cheese. Also I forgot it was Labor day and drove all the way to the gym with anticipation of starting my new plan. It was closed.

I can’t make any promises, I just can’t. I feel that sets me up for failure. I hate being overweight and feeling so far away from what I want and knowing how long it will realistically take. Losing 50lbs was great but I shouldn’t have stopped and shouldn’t have gotten careless. I kept it mostly off for a year but now its pretty much like I only lost 40lbs and I feel like maybe I just can’t get it off now.