Filed under: Rantings & Ravings
Hey all. I have been keeping up with your blogs just so you know, but I have also been busy and semi off plan. I have continued to slowly lose though. At last weigh in I had lost a total of 46lbs. I did not get quite to my goal of losing 50lbs, but I am trying to tell myself that 46lbs is still a lot of weight.
Anyway, I do not really do resolutions, but the significance of a new year is a pretty refreshing feeling. I have big hopes of getting back into the gym, and being completely conscious of what I am putting in my mouth. I have been going for nightly walks with the dogs and J.J. pretty much every night since we got back from the holidays. I also started back at school today so I have been and will be walking around campus a lot; I even walked home from the bus station instead of waiting 20 minutes for the next bus that would be driving by my house. I was a little proud of myself haha 
On a different note, I am really struggling with my anxiety lately. I have been taking Paxil for nearly 6 years now, and not a little bit, 50mg of it every night (obviously I started with a much smaller dosage, but alas my dosage was raised several times). I wouldn’t say it is necessarily bad, the level of anxiety I am feeling right now, it is just simply there, and I know it is there, and it really affects my mode and my daily activities. It is not like I am having panic attacks anymore like I was early on before I learned how to control some of the triggers and symptoms of my anxiety, but I am frustrated beyond belief. I have so many questions…
Why on earth did my anxiety decide to poke its ugly face in my life again? It happened on the eve of the Christmas Eve. Honestly (oh and this is a little vulgar) I do not think I have had a solid bowl movement since then, but some days are better than others. Why is my Paxil not helping me? Or is it? I was fine. I was even going down on my prescription thinking I didn’t need it anymore because I was so stable and in such a good place in my life. I didn’t get down very far on my prescription, I slowly dropped it by just over 3mg about every month for 2 months. When I started feeling anxious I went back up to the full 50mg. I just want it to freaking go away again!!! I am going to graduate in the spring and I need to be myself. I don’t feel like myself right now.
Well I have another class to get to so I will either blog more tonight or later this week. I have a weigh in tomorrow… first one after Christmas. Wish me luck
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Woooooooooohooooo 46 lbs is awesome!! (I say this because it IS awesome but also because I’m right there with ya lol!)
Best wishes with the anxiety thing. And with the digestive thing!!
Comment by Eileen2bLean 01.12.09 @ 10:13 pm