My New Life

Day 1: The Sequel

Posted jess8 on January 5th, 2009 | Filed under Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

So here it is, January 5th, 2009.  My first day of my new life.  Granted, there have been attempts of the past that were only half-hearted but I am determined to turn my life around…and it all starts with ME.  I am 31 years old now and I have allowed my weight to hold me back for far too long.  I am excited, nervous, and scared all at the same time.  I would like to start off my first NEW entry with a list.  (I’m a list whore)

Daily tasks that are much more difficult than they should be, thanks to the weight:

1. Putting anything on my feet.  Socks, shoes, slippers… I have so much resistance from the “walls” of my stomach, gut, and breasts that I can barely but a sock on my foot.  How ridiculous is that?

2. Wearing a seatbelt in the car.  Granted, I’m not a big fan of seat belts at any weight, although I know that they are necessary.  When I am driving, especially, I am so uncomfortable wearing a seat belt.  I have to pull the seatbelt out so far in order to get it to lock that it’s almost at the end of the material.  It always locks up on me because of that fact and nearly suffocates me.  Winter is the worst.  Just the added layer of a winter coat and I literally can not lock my seat belt into place.  I just have to take it off and freeze.  I feel like an idiot taking my coat off to get in the car and putting it back on when I get out.

3. Hygiene.  Let me just say that every single thing I do in my life, regardless of how small, is so difficult.  Granted, I’m not 700 pounds and I don’t have to be lifted by a special crane or anything, but where I am at right now it is Now or Never.  I find it hard to muster the strength to wash my hair.  I do take baths regularly, but even that is getting difficult.  Again the resistance of the “walls” that I mentioned earlier.  I have to soap everything up so that it is slippery enough to move around.  Getting out of the tub is tricky.  I can feel the damage on my arms a legs from supporting all the weight.

4. Private Hygiene.  This one is not going to be pretty, so don’t read this if you can’t take it.  I have gotten to a point where I can not effectively reach the areas I need to reach when going to the bathroom.  The more layers of clothing I have on, the more impossible it is.  I’ve been in store bathrooms where I nearly had to remove all clothing above the waist just so I could wipe myself.  I feel like an invalid.  It is absolutely unconsciounable to live like this.

5. Exercise.  Anything is exercise to me.  It is almost unbearable for me to go up the two flights of stairs in my house if I need to take some laundry from the basement to my bedroom.  I get out of breath from the tiniest actions.

All of these things are going to change.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying these things as an attempt to say “Oh Pity Me, boo hoo.”  I just want to document them and I know that there are plenty more that I will add to the list as time goes on.  I want that reminder in writing.  Weight creeps on because of avoidance.  I avoid the mirror.  I avoid anything active with my friends.  I avoid the fact that I am obese.  I am just now comfortable with that word and the feelings that come with it.  I am comfortable because I am slowly saying goodbye to it.  I will work every single day for the rest of my life to uncover the beautiful women that I know is inside of this hot mess.

Let’s do this.

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Work it!

Posted jess8 on August 16th, 2008 | Filed under Progress | Comment now »

What a difference a week makes! So my first 4 weeks started off rough because I was not seeing results. Not only was this week my TOM, but it also finally brought the consistent daily weightloss that I’ve been so eagerly waiting for. : )

I suppose it is possible that my body needed a few week’s to adjust internally to the changes I was making before it could show signs of physical progress. I just wish that someone was able to clearly verbalize that theory to me during the frustrations of Week2-Week4. Literally every day since Monday, I have lost 1.5 pounds. The kicker: I stepped on the scale this morning in my usual manner and found that since yesterday morning I have lost 4.4 pounds. Whoa! That really puts a jump on my September 1st goal of 25 pounds which was right around the corner and starting to look improbable.

As far as my routine is concerned, it is just that; a routine. I try to wake up at the same time every day. That doesn’t always happen, but it is more consistent than it used to be. I eat breakfast as soon as I wake up. I never used to eat breakfast and on the rare occassion that I did, it wouldn’t be until a few hours after I got up. I space my meals and snacks out about 2.5 - 3 hours and drink lots of water. Two weeks ago I was really pushing hard with cardio and not seeing results, so I got frustrated and nearly stopped the cardio. Right now I am strictly focusing on sticking to my eating routine and getting well-balanced meals.

Last night we went to TGIFridays for dinner. I think that is the first “eating out” encounter I’ve had in my 5 weeks. It’s odd, I truly was not even tempted to order what I used to. In the past I would have gone straight to the steak and mashed taters or the fettuccini alfredo w/chicken. Last night I ordered the Cobb Salad minus the bacon and blue cheese, with dressing on the side so I can control the portion. It wasn’t the greatest meal I’ve ever had but I left satisfied and not bloated and depleted of energy. Kudos to me!

Keep on truckin’

Posted jess8 on August 3rd, 2008 | Filed under Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

The weekends are definitely more difficult to keep on track. I find myself not wanting to leave the comforts of home. I have all my foods here that I am used to. I went out to brunch with a friend of mine today and found it difficult to decide what to order. We went to a restaurant that I used to frequent a lot for breakfast and they have the best food. My old order would be: 2 scrambled eggs with cheese, 2 stips of crispy bacon, 2 slices of buttered toast, a beligian waffle with butter and syrup, and a large glass of milk or juice. I can just imagine the calories and fat in that meal. Today, I opted for the “Lean Machine” which consisted of 2 egg whites, 3 slices of tomato, a dry english muffin, and a slice of turkey sausage. I put the sliced tomato on the english muffin and then added the egg whites to make a sandwich. It wasn’t bad at all. The turkey sausage left a little to be desired, so I only ate half of it. Afterwards I left feeling satisfied and guilt-free. Kudos to me!

 Now I just have to get on that treadmill today. I posted a thread in the 3FC forums asking how often people weigh themselves. I was very shocked by the results. I really thought that most people weighed weekly, but as it turns out, the majority weigh daily. So I decided to start doing the same this week and I’m keeping an Excel spreadsheet with each days results. The nerd in me even set up formulas to auto calculate the fluctuations and overall weight loss. I also keep notes on what kind of cardio I did each day, in order to analyze later and possibly tweak my workouts.

I’m missing my workout/diet buddy Daphne! I miss you girl!

I’ve been really good all week with eating and doing lots of cardio. I’m well on my way to my goals. It’s still been an emotional journey so far for me, which I did not expect. I feel my attitude change and when I workout now I expect more from my body than I used to, but I find it frustrating when it doesn’t deliver the way I want it to. That is hard to deal with at times.

Where do I start?

Posted jess8 on July 30th, 2008 | Filed under Uncategorized | Comment now »

I’ve been a member of 3FC for some time now and I’m a huge fan of all the support options they offer. I read a diet blog and while walking on the treadmill today I decided to start my own! Just another huge step in laying the foundation of my new life. So where do I start?

A few years ago my husband and I bought a treadmill. The fancy new piece of equipment inspired me to exercise daily and within 5 months I lost nearly 40 pounds. For some reason, I stopped after that. Over the years, I gained the weight back while my husband continued to get leaner and stronger. Then last year I quit my full time job to start a home business and in the process gained another 40 pounds. I’ve tried Fat Smash Diet a few times, but it doesn’t seem to fit into my lifestyle.  4 weeks ago I decided to get serious and commit myself to a new lifestyle.

 Now I am eating 5-6 meals a day with 2.5-3 hours in between each meal/snack. Combined with at least 30 minutes of cardio each day, I’m starting to lose weight again.

My first week I lost 4 pounds, but then the second and third week I only lost half a pound. I realize that I was not doing enough cardio. I was only doing 15-20 minutes at a very slow pace on the treadmill. I barely broke a sweat, but I told myself that was all I could do. Yesterday I had a breakthough. Tuesdays are my weigh-in days and I was very upset to find that I gained half a pound after only losing a pound the previous week. After talking to my husband, I got very emotional and frustrated with the scale. It didn’t make sense to me that with all the hard work I was doing, the scale was not showing factual results.

 My husband convinced me to tweak a few things in my eating schedule and ramp up the cardio a bit. So somehow he managed to get me out to the tennis courts at our local junior high. I knew that once I got out there it would be hard to get me to leave. I’m super competitive. It took that experience for me to remember what it felt like to be strong and athletic. Granted, I’m still a big girl struggling with physical exercise, but that powerhouse chick is within me. Today I got on the treadmill and did 45 minutes of cardio. I increased my speed and finally worked up a good sweat. The secret for me is having a mix of dance songs to keep me motivated. Today I listened to a cd by “She Wants Revenge”. It was a good mix of dance/techno that kept me walking. I even caught myself strutting on that treadmill a few times!