…a weight-loss journey

I just had my first SUPER off day since July.  I am not beating myself up about it.  I haven’t had cravings.  And, I am back on plan today.  I suppose I don’t have my emotional eating under lock and key, as I thought, but my not falling into the binge abyss is a huge victory for me and I will just keep my eyes on the prize - getting to 199 by October 1.  It’s six months to lose 25 pounds -I gained one from yesterday’s binge, but today it’s water, water, water and on-plan foods.  It’s totally still doable and attainable.

On another front, a 3FC friend lost her wife yesterday and I am so devastated for her.  Please send my friend, Cyndi, lots of good thoughts and wishes in the coming weeks.

My wife, love her dearly, but sometimes she is so - I don’t know the right word to use here.  Thick?  Insensitive?

She’s sitting next to me on the couch.  I am making this yummy recipe and have been for the last three hours.  She woke up from a nap and grabbed a serving of Pop Rocks as soon as she woke up.

Then grabbed 2 Cadbury Creme Eggs, my absolute favorite.  She sat down next to me and ate them.

While I was stirring dinner, she grabbed 2 more Eggs and 2 more Pop Rocks and so I mentioned we’d be eating dinner in about 35 minutes (I KNOW how filling those eggs can be).  She ate it all anyway.

I don’t know what bothers me more - the fact that *I* can’t (or rather, am choosing not to) eat the crap myself or that it’s kind of thoughtless to not only eat it but eat it ALL in front of me.  I know I have to get over myself and own my choice to not eat it but I need to wallow a little first

I am proud that I am not giving in.  Proud that when she grabbed a teeny bag of Mini Eggs (my other seasonal favorite) for me, I said no and put it back.  Owning it!

I am still around.  And doing well.  Really well considering.  I realized - I hurt my knee 3 weeks ago and haven’t been out since except to go to doctor’s appointments.  And I’ve had the opportunity to binge eat, sulk, eat whatever I want and I didn’t.  I am on some meds right now and one of the side affects seems to be appetite suppression.  I’ve only been eating once or twice a day because of the nauseousness.  Not great, but I’ve been totally on plan.  Not enough veggies, obviously, but looking back, I am kind of proud of myself for not using this as yet another excuse to go off plan.

I am going to start walking a bit - hoping that will get my hunger up.  I will go food shopping tonight with my wife.  Pick up a few things like apples and some peppers to nosh on.

Anyway, I thought it was a good milestone and wanted to document it.  Now to get back fully ON PLAN!  I still love me some SBD!

Hi there!  Long time no post.  My apologies!  The holidays made time disappear faster than it usually does.

I end 2011 down two sizes - from a 22W to an 18W, from a 3x to a 1x or even XL! I lost about 30 pounds in 6 months.  I feel better.  I look better.  Now, I need to learn to work in some exercise.

I got all this stuff yesterday to start off the new year on clothing that fits.

My goals for 2012 are lofty, but doable.  I have my BFF’s wedding in Aruba in October.  We’ve got our 3rd cruise in December.  And we’re going to TTC.  By the end of the year, I’d like to be at 199.  I’d like to be able to exercise, without thinking about it as E X E R C I S E… I want to be a lot healthier than I am now.

Like I said, lofty, but doable.  It’s daunting to think about, all there on one page.  But it’s only 31 pounds.  I lost that much in 6 months.  Adding in some exercise, I am sure in 12 months I can get it done.  Despite my hectic work schedule - for example, I leave Monday for a work trip, get back on Saturday and leave again on Tuesday until Saturday and have no idea what food will be served, at least for the first week.  But I know I can do it.  I’ve got NO other choice!

Happy New Year everyone! May 2012 be yours!

It’s no wonder but after 30 pounds, I’ve officially been stalled for close to three weeks.  I need to get myself to the gym.  It’s not but a few feet away from me, in my housing development, yet I’ve not been in the 4 months since we’ve moved.  Granted, take 2 months out of there for travel but still…

I don’t know what it is that I’ve got no motivation for exercise.

Even if I start with 15 minutes a day on the elliptical for a few weeks, that would be most excellent.  Walking fast and up and down escalators isn’t cutting it anymore.

This time of year is always so busy - and considering I’ll be away for most of the start of the year, I’ve just got to find the time.  Especially since January will make for a very packed month at the gym, I am sure.

To say I’ve lost 30 pounds is amazing.  Now, to focus on losing another 30 before October 2012 - my BFF’s wedding in Aruba!

I am sorry if I offend anyone with this post.  I really am.  But, it is how I feel and no one really reads this blog anyway.  I can’t write it in my other blog because I KNOW it will offend and I can’t say it in my real life so it must live here for a while.
I AM SICK OF PEOPLE COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW FAT THEY ARE AND DOING NOTHING ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!

I have had it with reading blogs and posts from people who are so unhappy with their body but in the next breath, are posting pictures of their cupcake breakfasts or making excuses for going off plan.  Here I am, struggling every day since July 1 to make myself healthy and change my habits while others have been making excuses and crying the entire time.  It’s not fucking easy.  AT ALL.  It hardly ever is if you want to do the right thing.  But I am so sick of seeing it and reading about it.  Partially, because I too want to eat poorly.  And having to hear and see things like this test my willpower.

I am just really struggling with being “good” right now.  It’s so hard.  And with the holidays, it won’t get any easier.  DW is not being helpful either.  Lots of off plan food in the house.  Lots of smells and lots of comfort eating.  It is testing me daily and I don’t know …

No candy!

That’s right, you heard me.  Not one piece of Halloween candy crossed my lips!  I am sooo proud of myself.  There was plenty of opportunity as well: the candy on my desk, at home for the non-existent trick-or-treaters…

But I resisted!

Still going strong on South Beach.  Officially down 25 pounds since July 1.  Another huge achievement!  none of my clothes are fitting, which is becoming a problem (flashing coworkers is apparently a no-no?) but I’ve got no cash right now to solve the issue.  Soon…

As for me, I was on a work trip to Atlanta last week, on Sunday we head to Orlando - and subsequently, Islands of Adventure.  I hope and pray to fit into all the rides!  In looking back at my personal journal, I think I am around the same weight I was when we went two years ago (226 in June 2009 and 236 in November 2009 - we went in October 2009) and I fit then so unless there is some miracle where I love 10 pounds in a week, 231 is where I will be.

DW has a work conference so I have to adhere to:

1. Visiting the gym once a day
2. Going poolside but also actually swimming (10 lengths per day perhaps)
3. Staying on Ph2 - no off plan treats!

I think I can do it.  Heck, if I resisted my favorite holiday, Halloween, this will be a piece of cake, right?

Still on SB, no worries!

If I can stick to it through a cruise, a pet’s passing and a move, you can too!  The cruise was fabulous:

That dress?  A 1x!  I felt a bit like a sausage in it but still, it fit!  I indulged a bit (mostly in the form of alcohol) but never overindulging in food and I didn’t feel deprived either.  I think I did well, despite the 3 lb. gain.  Which was mostly water I think as I was down 4 lbs (so one under par).

Last Saturday though, we weighed our eldest cat, JoJo, and she was down 6 pounds.  We immediately took her to the vet (a new one as we just moved a few days before leaving for the cruise basically) and a few hours later, we had a diagnosis of full blown and spread cancer and we put her down.  I wasn’t as upset as I was in those moments, and thereafter, ever in my life. Not even when my mom passed (I had 11 years + a week to adjust to that).  I still hurt thinking about her.

The only thing I still need to do is go to the gym.  I haven’t gone yet and I need to since it’s on the premises.  I’ve just been so down or busy I haven’t had time to think let along work out.  I’ve had to walk a lot more (a mile more a day) and I’ve been walking that far to get the mail (or so it seems) but nothing more.  And that needs to change.  And will.

Soon.

Hi!

It’s been a while, huh?  But guess what?  I have NOT fallen off the boat!  In fact, I’ve lost a total of 18 pounds.  With a few days until we leave on the cruise, I hope to make my 20 pounds lost mark before Saturday.  I’m leaving for NM in the early morning but am planning what I am eating even while on travel.
We’ll see what Friday brings!

I sure am feeling a bit sad right now.  The big difference?  I am not emotionally eating.  I went through the grocery store today and went right past the chips, which I normally crave.    I am looking at food more like fuel, but it’s also sad - it’s like losing a friend.  I am also sad about the moving process - having to leave our home and state.  Everything feels very real now.

But, as long as I am not responding with food, I will do well.