Today I saw something I haven’t seen in over a year. No, it’s not that pair of earrings that went missing or a matching sock to my ultimate fuzzy sock collection or even a really great movie.
Today, I weighed in at 250 lbs. Um…can I say excited? Yes. I think I can today. Excited!!!! Now, I won’t get all too fancy with my thinking and all that, but still, the day that starts off with an lb drop is a day of rejoicing. My first weight loss reward goal is at 249-so I am almost there. I decided that instead of trying to find the 100 dollar item for my car, I will cover the visor instead. It’s a little 2-5 dollar fix and yet it will fix something that I do not like all that much.
I already hit the gym this morning and did as promised yesterday with my evening gym routine. On June 3, 2011 I will hit my 30 day mark as far as daily working out goes. I’m not seeing big differences, which is the easiest way to get myself down. I’m not running at this point, which I would typically be pushing for on my historic weight loss attempts. Mainly, I am making changes that I can keep in my daily life, and that feels good.
I wish I had more time to lament in my happy feelings, but unfortunately today is a busy one for me. Not only do I have a big work day, but there’s also a game, and my sister and her children are coming over, so I have to get some cleaning done today.
Ah life! You never stop! I really am focused in seeing my thinner self. And I am seeing her in the context of my life. As in, it’s totally possible.
I worry that I’ll get tired of working out or eating better and all that. It’s the black cloud in my otherwise blue sky-and I’ve chosen not to think too much on it. My brain is so active that it is simultaneously running in the background either scenarios of past, future, or fantasy. The now is where I need to live. Though I do wish the now wasn’t making me so sleepy. Too many yawns already.
Right now is the scary part, when changes actually happen-there is a fear of letting go of myself. Now the rational portion of my brain knows that ultimately, I am still the same person-that I am abandoning the portions of me that are unhealthy. If I can continue to view this overweight/obese condition as a symptom of my inner mind and emotional health, I think that sort of context will help me to continue to remain focused. So I will continue this path, and hope with all of my inner little might, that I hit 249 before the week is over.