I meant to post like yesterday… or the day before that. Well, at some point… I forgot to post. But I’ve been meaning to update. That’s one of my goals is to update at least once a day with something productive. I’m putting myself through mental fat camp. I have to deal with my food addiction and put an end to my floundering. I’m thinking something like AA’s 12 step process, only I don’t know how many steps there are, and and there’s less relying on a higher power and more relying on me-power.
Okay, so first off: Post every day about silly nonsensical things; this may or may not prove theraputic (read: do it anyways). Alright, can do. Something silly and nonsensical that happened to me today: the famfam watched Pirates of the Carribbean 2 and roasted marshmallows in the fireplace. Pretty spiffy, ne? We’re real classy. Also: stole toy silverware from Mal’s Disney tea set. This may prove helpful in future hat-making endeavors. Who wants to wear a fork on her head? This girl does. Other nonsensical things: I totes followed Didi’s advice and pulled a Jel. Girls, I did a Flashdance challenge. You bet. And it? Was awesome. I forgot how good that felt.
Ah! Look see! Therapy is working! I had a breakthrough!
Alright, so now I’m going to give myself a little challenge. Hopefully it will add to the therapy value. So to begin, step one is make a list of 20 reasons I need to get myself back on track and rank them in order of importance. So here it goes:
1. 181 is an ugly number.
2. I want to look good in all of my cosplays next year.
3. I have a modeling gig, yo!
4. 5 miles used to be a warm-up to me.
5. The triathlon is in JUNE.
6. I want my corset to fit again. I paid a lot of money for that.
7. I’m starting to get back flab… I’ve never gotten back flab before. It’s unacceptable.
8. The cellulite is coming.
9. I don’t want huge thighs =(
10. I’ve always hated this muffin top…
11. My clothes aren’t fitting well.
12. I want to feel pretty and attractive.
13. I want to be the girl everyone looks to for advice again.
14. I miss the feeling of body fatigue after a long day of work outs.
15. I am sick of feeling gross on the inside.
16. I don’t ever want to gain the weight back in my face, because it hides me.
17. I want to be a role model again.
18. I want to look in the mirror and be jealous of the girl I see.
19. I want to look in the mirror and smile.
20. I want to feel proud of myself.
Observations: I see a lot of negativity. There are so many things I don’t like about myself right now, both on the outside and on the inside. But instead of cleaning this up, I’m going to leave the raw version to stand for now, and I’ll edit it later. When I get to the end of my 12-but-not-really-12-step process.