I had an okay day, got some things out of the way to make room for all that vacation fun I’m going to have. Didn’t get any exercise in due to underestimating the length of wife talks, but hey, I’m not derailed (yet)! I mean lookit! I’m posting twice in one day! But really, I have ulterior motives for this post, and that’s because of a comment I received that sort of frightened me, and to be honest, I feel if I don’t say something then I’m doing a disservice to myself and to people like me. And I don’t mean any of the following statements to offend anyone at all, but I really just have to get this all out:
Two posts ago I made the comment that I was asexual, sort of an in passing thing. Although I am highly aware of how rare it is, in fact, I believe the statistics are currently at about 1% of Americans claim asexuality. But however small it may be, it deserves to be recognized as any other sexual orientation would be.
To believe in something is to advocate it, and if I find the opportunity to raise awareness of something that I firmly believe in, then I will do that. That is because being such a small minority often makes life a little more challenging. And more and more often I am hearing that I, or other asexuals are “wrong”, “broken”, or “unnatural” for what, to us, IS perfectly natural.
To say that it is natural for someone to be sexual, then in turn, that means that being asexual is unnatural. I think that is a narrow-minded belief. You may personally be a sexual person by nature, but that does not mean that others who are different in that aspect are somehow not following an unwritten set of humanistic characteristics. Which would be quite absurd, because the human race is filled with radically different people, with different ways of thinking, ways of working, ways of seeing, and with far different norms.
Asexual isn’t a choice, a mood, or a phase, it is a state of mind AND body. It is the natural unresponsiveness to sexual activity or attraction. For those looking for a more well-rounded definition I encourage you to please, please visit the AVEN website here: http://www.asexuality.org/home/
I know there are a lot of nay-sayers who doubt the existence of asexuality in human beings, and I think that it absolutely RIDICULOUS. Sorry, but that is a load of crap. We are raised to believe that sex is a must, that it is a necessity, and that isn’t true. Reproduction is (to some, I’m sure) necessary, but all humans are not the same. We do not all function the same. Can a social person ever fully understand an anti-social person? Absolutely not. Because you are not in their shoes, because one does not function the same as the other. That makes neither person BROKEN or UNNATURAL. Does that make one quirky? Does it make one “agaisnt the norm”? Maybe. But so what? The traditional idea of romance, marriage, and sex are dying traits that frankly, I feel will grow less and less prominent in coming generations.
For me personally, asexuality has always been a huge part of my life. Even from a young age I was very aware of the fact that I did not respond to sex the way other people did. That’s because I did not respond to it at all. In high school, I was repulsed by the idea, I judged people I knew who were openly sexual, and I never once desired to have sex myself. Even my family and close friends were very aware of the oddity of my behavior. It was so obvious in me that my mother would tell me that she never had to worry about me because “I was Jade”, and Jade would never do or act like that. Now that I’m older, I don’t feel a resentment towards sex or anyone who engages it, I am simply indifferent to it.
Asexuality is an orientation just recently emerging on the scene. Many asexuals may feel as if they are abnormal or that they have a medical condition that is causing them to feel that way, and that is because the idea of asexuality is suppressed and overlooked. It exists, and there is a very large and active community supporting it.
You may personally feel that it is natural for humans to desire sex. But that is simply not true. I have never had want for it, craving, or desire, or an emptiness because I didn’t get it. I was sexless for 19 years, and having my first sexual encounter has only solidified my beliefs. Although my body physically responds in certain ways, I do not feel a mental connection between the action and myself. That’s not to say my experience was bad. It certainly wasn’t. But personally, it has no long lasting impact on me or any real meaning or value whatsoever. ASEXUALS CAN ENGAGE IN SEX. But if it is done, it is typically done to please a non-asexual partner. For us, sex is little more than baking a cake. And about just as pleasurable. This? Will not change. No matter who I sleep with. And I certainly am not willing to walk around trying out different partners to see “who can fix the asexual”.
ASEXUALITY IS NOT CELIBACY. IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE A LATE-BLOOMER. IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE BROKEN.
And it certainly does not mean that you have “just not found ‘The One’ “.
I’m asexual and proud. And I do not judge other orientations, nor do I deem them wrong, I do not disagree with them, I do not see them as unright, unnatural, or abnormal. So please, don’t write mine off.
Again, this post wasn’t meant to offend anyone at all. This is just the way I felt I had to react in order to defend my identity, and other asexuals human beings.
For other interesting links and information on asexuality: