Its not the jeans that make me look fat — its the FAT!!!

So I need to get my thought process wrapped around a new blog style - maybe work on it this weekend.  I am still doing great.  I stepped on my Wii Saturday and was down almost 4 pounds from when I started to “behave”.  I am recording every morsel that goes in my mouth - I am concentrating on my intake and doing well and that included one lunch out and two dinners this past week.  Its nice to know that if on the rare ocassion if I want to have a glass of wine I have to just adjust elsewhere.  My goal is to avoid empty calories to the best of my abilities but it always isn’t possible.  All the years I did the “clinic” counselling and wate watchers (LOL thanks S) I know what to do - I just spent more time NOT doing it and thus watched my size bloom back to size 18 - NOT where I want to be.  Highest calorie day for the last while has been 2000 - which is more a maintaining count than a losing count but better than 3000 which I could scarf down easily.

Just yesterday I had to purchase “goodies” for a meeting.  We have a Tim’s on campus so I went and got a dozen donuts and a small box of bits.  I checked the Tim’s website for nutrition counts and was not shocked at the count of 300 for a stupid donut but was pleased about the 60 calories for a Timbit.  I was hoping not to eat any of the treats but found myself popping one and one only of the bits.  I recorded the calories and made decisions for the rest of the day on what I could manage to eat.

Right now its pretty good — only falling down a bit with moving.  But life is rather busy and making time just isn’t easy - not a great excuse but its the one I am going to use — for now.

Will work on new design — to record calories and time spent moving.  I see some great blogs here and usually they are attached to successful people - -I want to be one of those successes!!!!

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Rocked out another great day although my exercise has been minimal to say the least. Calories were 1559 and that included a McDonalds Grilled Chicken Ceasar salad for dinner. My handsome but brain cramped husband (his words) forgot to take meat out of the freezer. I had two plans for exercise after work but both went out the window. My darling son came over to clean up his storage space (no not clean out). I had a couple of important issues to discuss with him so we sat and talked until it was too late for me to walk up to the hospital to get my husband. I know the exercise is important but this talk with my son was far more important. I had asked him a couple of weeks ago to find some time to talk with me. I had to point out to him its a good talk and not “your an idiot”. Not that my mom uses the term “idiot” with me or my brother - but whenever she needs to “talk” to us I feel like I have to get on the defensive.

I was just thrilled when I worked out my calories for the day and saw how well I rocked them out!!! Its not a struggle, I am back in the mind space that this is a good thing and not a chore. I have several events coming up that will try me - but I plan on being as smart as possible and NOT beating myself up if I slip - if it does happen its just a day not forever.

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Calories for Wed 1630 another good day and I forgot to mention on Tues I found myself reacting without thinking when I reached for a chocolate biscotti. I couldn’t believe how automatic the reaction was - I went into a meeting room looked down at the tray and saw these gorgeous chocolate biscottis. Thanks goodness my brain kicked in and slapped my hand down before I reached the cookie. Geesh!!! Once a week I will be treating myself to a Starbucks Mocha — but I will be adjusting my calories elsewhere to make up for the extra calorie hit. I had another meeting in the afternoon and again - there were cookies, desserts and alas my biggest weakness - CHEESE - I LOVE CHEESE!!! I parked myself on the far side of the room. Avoided the cheese, crackers and cookies. And it was all good. Funny thing when it came to eating my dinner I sat with my PDA before I served out my chicken breast - I was hungry enough for the half breast but if my calories were too high I was going to cut it in half again. As it was I still had room to eat the chicken as it was cooked - love my scale too. I am still weighing and measuring everything - adjusting as needed and doing well.

Its supposed to be lovely this afternoon so I will drive home and then walk back to pick up my DH from work - we can walk home together. That’s the plan at least

NO PING BACKS!! — This blog should only be read from 3FC

So yesterday wasn’t horrid - measured and recorded everything all day. Like I figured dinner was a bit difficult - choice between cream of mushroom soup — hmmm or ceasar salad — hmmmm. Choose the salad even though there is no way to ask for dressing on the side at this event. I choose the chicken breast and left my mashed potatos behind. Dessert was three little tiny tastings of cheesecake. Actually perfect portions. I recorded the entire meal at about 1000 calories - which is probably over guessing but I would rather over guess than under guess. Calorie total for the day 2040 which is maintaining calories for me - back to normal today and its supposed to be sunny so I brought my iPod and hopefully will get out for a walk around campus during lunch.

No PING BACKS allowed - this blog should be read from 3FC only!!!

Monday was another good day — ate well. Made good choices all day and when I came home I was able to get another 30 minutes on the Wii Fit. Calories for the day 1714. So right now things are falling into place - I only wish I wasn’t going out for dinner tonight with my girlfriends. Two reasons - not as easy to control the calories but its a great restaurant and I can usually make a good choice and forget about the dessert (pray for something coconut LOL). I never drink at these things and I always tease my girlfriends that I am pregnant — sadly they never fall for it but its still sort of fun

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I hate PINGBACKS!!!!!

So I jumped on my Wii Fit Saturday morning and I was up another 2 pounds. No one to blame but myself. I know the other afternoon my DH was blaming the weight gain on end of the day, TOM etc etc (he is soooo frikken sweet). But nothing else was to blame Saturday AM — first thing in the morning no TOM. I decided enough was enough. I will weigh and measure. I know for a fact that not measuring my salad dressing adds up to tons of extra calories. Not measuring my margarine and fat free sour cream on my baked potatos also adds extras and the fact that just because I “deserve” the extra baked treat when I get my mocha from Starbucks those are no zero calories. Deserved treats have just as many calories as any other treat. I made it through yesterday I moved more — 30 minutes of Wii and 60 minutes of yoga and I recorded every calorie I ate - my total for the day was 1430. I was very proud of that number. I didn’t deny myself too much but keeping busy helped immensely. I will record my calories, I will measure and I will make conscious efforts to move more. I have to I can’t keep going the way I am going!!!!!

Sunday was a great day 2 - mostly because we were on the go from first thing in the morning until late in the afternoon. I spent the entire day making good choices. Breakfast was two eggs but only one egg yolk and two slices of lean bacon (from the butcher). We were out doing laundry at lunch and I was getting hungry - we had planned on going for a walk but I figured a way to have a walk and have a good lunch while we were out (Thanks Biggest Loser). About 10 minutes from the laundromat is a Subway — so we walked up - I checked all the calorie counts and ordered a good sub sandwich. Then in the afternoon I took my mom to the bank and over to Starbucks — I was going to cave and have one of my favourite drinks but decided it wasn’t worth it so a plain black tea was my choice. End of the day results was 1550 calories -

Friday was a good day — although we did go out for dinner with friends to a Greek restaurant. I made a good choice and left most of the starches behind (rice and potatos is crazy) but the waitress brought us a dessert as a gift from her and no one else was eating it — I had to be polite (and it was GOOD) and I just sort of picked at it -others did join in but we still left half behind. I wasn’t feeling well when I left the restaurant -ate too much. Saturday was an amazing day. We had some upset in the morning (gotta love family drama ). We had booked ourselves in separate yoga classes in the afternoon. Mine was a 90 minute yoga experience class that started at 3:00 and my darling husband registered in Yoga for Stiff Men at 5:00. When I got to the studio I saw a note that the 5:00 class was cancelled. I asked the instructor if my DH could join the yoga experience class — he said yes and timing was everything DH was at the bank around the corner. We had the most fantastic yoga experience together. It was truly special. The class started right at 3 and I couldn’t believe it when he said that was it for the class and I looked at my watch - it was 20 to 5. I am a great believer that time passes quickly when you are enjoying something and this was really enjoyable. Next week we will be back to separate classes but once we finish those we most likely will do the couples yoga that take place every other week. Funny thing was I was hungry and thirsty right after the class - not really hungry but needed something. I had some almonds and popcorn as my afternoon snack. After that I wasn’t hungry at all. About 7:30 I got myself a bowl of grape tomatos and baby carrots and that completely satisfied me.

Lets see how Sunday is - we are off to the tennis club. My DH is playing with my BIL and if the weather is nice I will go walk along the beach - I loaded up my new IPod last night - so I am hoping for the rain to stop - otherwise I will just read and listen to music until they finish playing. And no I will never play tennis at the club. I don’t mind tossing the ball around on the community courts but the club is rather — not for fun

Sunday wasn’t the best of days. We needed to go shopping but didn’t get going fast enough. I thought I had a decent amount of food for lunch but by the time we ran to the mall (wasted time). Then drove out to the tennis club I was hungry again. I tried having a cup of tea to settle my tummy but by the time the guys finished playing tennis and we sat around having more tea my tummy was so miserable there was no recovery. I hate when that happens. I do my best to not let it happen but once I get too hungry there is nothing I can do to rid myself of the misery. Sadly I have to carbo load to get some sort of relief - it SUCKS!!!! No idea of my calories for Sunday - not even close to being good I don’t think. But that was yesterday and I have another day ahead of me.

Yesterday was a strange day - eating wasn’t horrid but I was thrown right off schedule. That’s my only problem with all of this - I am fine as long as I can get up on time - eat my breakfast - have my snack about 10am - eat lunch between noon and 12:30 then afternoon snack about 2:30 - work out at 4 and then dinner about 6:30. Take out any of these from my schedule and I am thrown off. Yesterday I had to go do some work in one of our labs about 12:30 so I decided to hold off on my lunch until after I had returned. Just as I was coming back to the office I was taken away again to help set up a display for an info session. That was over 90 minutes of running around moving tables - moving boxes and generally working up a sweat - which sucked because I was dressed up for an awards ceremony later in the afternoon. I finally said I had to leave at 2 so that I could get something to eat. I totally loath being this large person complaining to everyone else I have to leave to eat - I am sure I could survive into the new year if I didn’t eat another meal . Nonetheless I physically hurt if I don’t eat and because I had the ceremony at 3:30 I wanted to be comfortable. I was honored to present an award in the memory of my dear friend that passed away three years ago from Breast Cancer - we worked hard to raise the money and this year the student was so thrilled to receive the award.

By the time I got home it was after 5 - I was exhausted and I just had some nuts to hold me over until dinner. Eljay if you are seeing this yesterday was one day I wished I had my PDA with me - just to see how I did with my eating. Not measuring my food is my biggest danger - that and not eating on time.

And the scale proved it all too well last night.  After a few months of dealing with my mom’s health (all good now), planning and executing our wedding I finally settled down and weighed myself last night.  Not good back up to 249 — but I am commited (or should be) to slowly and surely doing this right.  Doing my best this week to eat right and exercise more.  Going to be an ongoing battle with my foot.  I was on my Wii Fit last night for 10 minutes and in agony most of the time.  Have to figure out how to make this work again.

One thing is I am now married to the most lovely man on this planet - he loves me for who I am inside and out.  He will encourage me to lose for my health and happiness but he doesn’t care as long as long as I am happy.  And aside from my happiness being his wife I am not happy with myself.  I feel sooooo fluffy - bloated and not comfortable.  Hard to imagine I was 30 pounds heavier than this at one time but I hope to NEVER go back there. 

I will do my best to do a good lifestyle — dust of my PDA — use my Wii Fit more often and if all goes well and I lose a bit I can probably return to the gym - but the extra pounds make my foot problem just that must harder to deal with - -talk about a Catch 22.

Time to get caught up - lots to report in my life - not much in the eating and exercising though. I did get up and get on the Wii Saturday and registered another .2 (note the point!!) loss which is good considering eating hasn’t been great but moving has been. Term start up I am running here there and everywhere solid. I also put on my walking shoes and did a short walk to meet up with my sweetie Saturday afternoon. Only 15 minutes but I look at every minute walking as a good one.

Now for the family portion of this program — holy crap how things can change in a minute - ok not that fast. Back story - when my husband passed away for many reasons (valid to me) I wrote off his family. The fact they are in New Zealand made it easy. A couple of months ago out of the blue my mom gets a letter from my SIL asking if she can stay with my mom (my mom met her once 10 years ago for lunch!!). Mom said no that her health wasn’t good and she didn’t know if she would be able to have a guest for who knows how long. We knew she was coming to town and on Wed my son came into the computer room to tell me his aunt was arriving Saturday night. The e-mail he got said she was arriving at 5:30 at the Holiday Inn downtown - end of e-mail. I tried to call and leave a message with no luck - they didn’t have her registered. I even tried calling New Zealand and got her daughter - she had no idea what her mom’s plans were. So I washed my hands of the situation. Only for 10 minutes - then my son called and was in a total panic - his aunt was downtown and in complete panic - her note was her way (stupid though it was) asking him to pick her up at 5:30 He didn’t know what to do so he gave her my address and she took a cab ($70 ride). I am sure her brother is rolling over and calling her a silly b_itch.

I greeted her with open arms and a clean bed to sleep in (we had been using it for storage since my son moved in ) She is by herself today because we all work but my son’s girlfriend gave us the best solution - -she got her a room in a downtown hotel - luxury one at that for a HUGE reduction!!! So we had a nice visit - she really didn’t intentionally mean to take advantage - that family just doesn’t have a clue about things sometimes - the stories I could tell — all I know is when I buried my husband with his father — I knew the two best of that family were together forever.

Needless to say my eating has actually been reduced - I am too busy running here and there - I am making better choices than I have in my entire life. When I feel stressed about something I have two tablespoons of ice cream rather than two bowls and for me that is a success - of course not one that will get me to 140 pounds by year end. But I am still slowly and surely heading in the right direction and as I have said before I have never done this in my life. Being conscious of what I am eating and making sure I do move is the ticket to healthy. My happiness comes from elsewhere and has nothing to do with how I look or feel.