Its not the jeans that make me look fat — its the FAT!!!

Ok as I said I was going to just do my best to be “OK” this week.  So far not so horrid - a couple of slip ups and now what I consider success.  Today I brought my “good” lunch. All healthy all measured out - all good.  I was tired tired tired so I went and treated myself to my fav Starbucks mocha (its good trust me).  Not a huge calorie hit but a treat nonetheless.  They had a meeting today and brought back all the left overs.  Now the assistant that does the ordering has no idea how to go easy on ordering.  Her idea of an order for 6 people is 6 giant biscottis, 8 muffins, 4 croissants and 4 cinnamon buns, 12 juice and coffee.  Geesh!!!!  So of course there are leftovers - which come right back to our office.  I will admit I haven’t had one in years but my biggest weakness is the cinnamon buns - I am sure they are 600 calories of pure dynamite.  About 30 minutes before I was going to eat my lunch I ate the smallest (still HUGE) of the buns. Within 30 minutes I was in agony — had no desire to even look at my lunch.  I labelled all my perishables and took them downstairs (lunch for tomorrow is done).  Its now over 3 hours later and I just ate some of my carrot sticks.  Now believe it or not this is a success — trust me years ago I would have had the mocha, had the bun and still ate something awful for lunch.  So I move forward and make better choices tomorrow.  I need to make a vow to myself each and every day to make the choices that are important to and for me.  I can and will!!!

I haven’t been that great but in the grand scheme of things I haven’t been that bad either. It was an incredibly busy couple of weeks at work and I am just too old (LOL I know I know) for this. I finally recovered (a bit) on Saturday — we had a great day of relaxing together — the sun was shining and I felt rejuvenated and ready to rock it out again.

So Sunday morning dawned - again the sun was shining — its still cold for this time of year but its a good cold more than anything. I decided that instead of driving over to my mom’s I was going to ride my bike (its only 3km away). I told my sweetie what I wanted to do - -I expected him to get worried but he realizes that the whole trip over there has a lovely bike lane on the road and as long as I am not on the highway he wouldn’t worry. My mom’s middle name is worry so I wasn’t going to say anything to her - just show up. My son popped by on his way out for a ride (he rides professionally). I got him to check my tires and pump them up so that all was ready to rock and roll. We headed out for our weekly grocery shopping and I was going to call my mom when I got back to tell her I was on my way over in a while.

Now in the words of John Lennon - Life is What Happens When You are Busy Making Plans. Life began to chisel away at my plans. First I call my mom and she is in a bad way — I needed to change up my plans just a bit but I was still going to ride my bike over — just had to leave an hour before I really wanted to. Fifteen minutes later our washing machine decided to pack it in halfway through our weekly laundry I lost it completely after that — we had to wring out the sheets that were in the washer — they must have weighed about 40 pounds - -get the other loads — throw everything in the truck and head over to my mom’s first to see how she is and second to use her washer.

I was so frikken mad I really really wanted to take advantage of the beautiful day - -I wanted to get back on track. But the best thing that I can take from the day — even with all this being thrown at me I didn’t succumb to any food temptations — I kept my eating within a really good range - -no crap nothing bad whatsoever. Once I got to my mom’s and saw she was ok - got the laundry going I knew she needed some shopping done. So I decided to at least walk over to the stores - my sweetie came and picked me and the groceries up — good thing it was very heavy. We finished up the laundry and headed home.

So I am going to just quietly do what I can this week — eat right, if I get to the gym I get to the gym but I really really want to ramp this up next week for sure. But I am not going to tell ANYONE my plans — I am tired of LIFE getting in the way!!!!!

I have little or no desire to be here or do anything about it.  Ok that isn’t true I envision myself getting more active and eating right.  No more stealing the chocolates from my sweetie — ok I don’t steal — he hides them and I ask politely.  He won’t ever say no to me — he won’t ever try to control me.  That doesn’t work, found that out with my late husband - sighs.  Anyway I have to do something as I keep complaining my joints are screaming at me on a daily basis.  I can’t even walk for 30 minutes and my left foot acts up.  I believe I am suffering from arthritis in one of the toes and might need some sort of orthotic insole to help with the pain — we will see.  I go to the doctor in about 10 days and I will ask for an x-ray to see what is going on.  I mean what the heck I have stenosis in my neck, arthritis in my left knee why not some toes and fingers — getting old sucks!!!!

Enough complaining - the track is calling me and I plan to get back on it next week.  Even in hindsight if I have been eating badly for the last couple of weeks its really not that bad — not the way I used to be able to be bad or good LOL

Its just crazy how busy life can get without doing too much.  I am still struggling to get back on track - not too worried because I am naturally eating better and if I do mess up my body lets me know in several different ways.  I am not going crazy stupid with calories nor am I keeping it low.  I am sure I am just maintaining right now and if and when I get back to the gym I will see what the actual numbers are.  I do know that  top I tried on a month ago was difficult to button up (I loath button up tops LOL) and on Sunday it went on without too much difficulty and I could almost wear it if I wanted to.  I am very particular about things looking right and not bulging if I can help it. 

Also on Sunday I received another of my online shopping sprees — my next wedding dress possibility — its lovely nothing like I would purchase normally.  Its a bit large and if I could lose about 10 pounds I could have it taken in and it would look fabulous.  I am also getting a bit anxious about the wedding — even though its going to be low key LOL.  6 months have passed since I started planning — I have done the major things — but there is a lot more to do and I have 6 months left.  The last 6 months have passed in a blur so I best get going cause before I know it - its going to be September.  I also decided to hire a “day of” coordinator.  Shocked to find out they charge upwards of $950 — YIKES!!!  I still have a couple more I need to talk to and if they won’t do it for the price I have set aside I have a dear friend that volunteered.  I told her I would use her (she would be fabulous) only if she will allow me to pay her what I had budgeted for the services.  She reluctantly agreed — I would prefer to use outside because I am going to go Bridezilla on a couple of items and I don’t want to do that to a friend but quite honestly she would be doing the ‘zilla stuff anyways she is very organized and detail oriented.

So I really could careless if I drop another pound before the wedding — can’t gain any more.  But my poor old joints are screaming at me to get the weight off and get back to the gym and I am going to need these joints for many years to come so I better treat them right.

Thanks for all the lovely comments and support — means a lot and is all part of my success when it happens again — and it WILL!!! 

Things have eased off a bit since last week. Had a huge busy weekend– lots of walking and eating and concerts. Really quite an incredible weekend actually — spent two days in Vancouver I have lived here all my life — worked downtown for a while and never ever tire of the beauty of this city. We had a gorgeous day on Monday - walked for about 3 hours — sat at the harbour looking at the breath-taking scenery never getting enough. Enjoyed — really really enjoyed the Springsteen concert on Monday night — wish I knew what he did to be able to move like he does at 59 - the man and the E-Street Band are AMAZING!!!

Had a so so day yesterday eating wasn’t too horrid until my office mate dropped the best chocolates into the basket. I can avoid the waxy ones easy peasy but these were good. That said there was a good thing — I ate about 5 or 6 of the little eggs and felt ill. In my past life I could chew through almost a complete bag and think nothing of it. So I find that a good thing. More tomorrow- I put my batteries in the calorie counter and hope to get to the gym — we will see.
Now to get back on track - eat right - get my exercise going GOTTA DO IT!!!