Its not the jeans that make me look fat — its the FAT!!!

Edited to say I hate when I get whiney– and usually I just let things slide but oh well.  Times when low self-esteem creeps up on a person.  And when I post and get ignored I mustn’t take it personally — I am positive even as hard as I try I leave people out.  No can’t be I thought I was perfect — NOT!!!!!

 As you know dear blog I am still struggling.  Not being able to exercise for the last few weeks has taken quite a toll on my well being.  At least I have been able to start my day with the short walk into the campus — it only about 10 minutes but its so much better than nothing.  Now that our term startup is getting closer I am finding myself running from one building to the next all day long — so that is a good thing.  I went over to the gym yesterday to get my backpack for my flight tonight and got the new schedule of classes until Dec.  Looks like I will be doing classes Wed, Thurs and Friday.  I will include some other days depending on what they are teaching.  If they do any of the dance cardio classes on  Monday’s I want to be there!!!

 Last night I watched yet another great episode of X-Weighted.  Once again it was a young woman same height as me - different body shape and about 15 pounds lighter - but she rocked her lifestyle for the 6 months and lost a good amount of inches and pounds.  She looked fabulous and what encouraged me the most was her competition in a starter triathalon. It was 750m in a pool, 20km on bike and 5km run.  I told my sweetie I want to do one of those — I will need to get back into condition and then start training.  I can do the swim no problem — its my strongest ability.  20km on a bike — ok that is something I need to work on.  I goof around with my bike and do about 5km but there are no hills.  5km running (ok fast walking for me) is doable.  I did almost 3km walking last weekend in 25 minutes — I am sure I could train to do it faster.  We will see. Usually when I put this stuff down in writing it just falls by the wayside.

I can’t believe how easily I let myself get led astray and who is doing the leading — me myself and I!!!!  I have a lousy lunch on Friday — wake up with a bad back and then let everything slip and slide from there.  I won’t say I went hugely overboard on my calories but I didn’t track and I didn’t move that much.  Ok so lack of movement was from a very sore back.  That is being taken care of now by my wonderful awesome chiropractor but he also ordered me to NOT do anything more strenuous than walking this week as far as exercise.  So another week of no classes and no bootcamp - darn and the Wed bootcamp looks great — no kidding.

 I also did something good personally — I reconnected with a friend that I haven’t talked to in almost three years.   I am going to her only daughter’s wedding in a couple of weeks and we both thought it would be better to meet and clear the air before hand.  It was nice and I am glad we did meet.  I doubt if we will ever return to the friendship we once shared but then we are now both different people with different lives.

So here I start (yet another) new week.  I must promise myself to input my calories and record my walking.  I must get better — shed more weight and continue with a good lifestyle.  I can do it!!!

My blog I can say what I want.  I admit to feeling blue about a group today.  For the past few weeks there has been someone on a thread that I love posting and I don’t like them.  I am sad about feeling like I am losing a close friendship with several people and that one person can ruin that - but I guess that’s the way it goes in life.  These people can just do what they want — claim they are good people and make no never mind what they are doing to other good people.  I just hope that I don’t lose touch with the ones I really care about. 

 I am dealing with a few other issues right now — some personal and some health problems and all the yuckys are giving me a pain in the back.  I started my lifestyle scale last week and from my first good day on Wed I have been scoring about a 2 - 5 since.  Very little exercise - calories haven’t been great and most days I feel not much better than blah.  Today didn’t help matters I am struggling to put my feelings out on the site for everyone to see — should I just PM the person that is causing me angst or should I just quietly slip away and let them win — sighs sighs sighs - I am too old for this crap.  Been through too much in my life and now I feel like what with this stuff and something else I am struggling with personally I am back in high school dealing with cliques and ruined friendships — ACKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!  Ok there was my primal scream I hope to look back on this blog and laugh - soon!!!

Both those equal a low score on my lifestyle score.  Got a whopping 3.5 for Aug 9 and my calories for the day were 1910.  I know its not horrid but I am not going to drop any more weight eating that many calories.  I was also unable to get to the gym for bootcamp so I wasn’t able to get my 3 points for exercise.  I did get my sweetie to drop me off at the corner again and in the evening he had a chiropractor appointment so I walked there to meet him. Total walking for the day was 30 minutes which is better than nothing but until I step up the exercise and lower the calories I am going to be stuck in size 16 for a lot longer time.

Well don’t fall over my dear blog I am here two days in a row.

Just a quick report that my calories for the 08/08 were 1704 and by my calculations my day rated an 8 out of 10 - YAY!!!!  Lost a point for being in the middle of my calories and I felt good about the day but not great — great is going to take a lot!!!!

OK I took last week off of work and from the computer.  I neglected my online calorie counter.  I did a fairly good job of not over indulging but I will admit that there were a few times I had more than I should have.  I still can’t eat like I used to and that is a good thing.  Yesterday I came to work with all the good intentions in the world to go to my exercise class.  A week away from routine and I forgot to pack my towels and I was too cheap to rent a towel — I know not a great excuse but it just threw me off.  I was really great all day with my calories - not even 1000 by the time I left work.  Then I went home and started grazing — good stuff at first then I broke into the chocolate ice cream stash.  Its the only “bad” food I allow upstairs - we don’t have a second freezer and my sweetie is entitled to his goodies.  Most he keeps stashed away and for me out of sight is out of mind.

 What I have decided to do in addition to keeping track of my calories is to keep a scale of how I did on my lifestyle daily. Using the important components, calories, water, exercise and general well being.  Just a scale of 10 but if I keep it easy and stick to it I might be able to track my changes.  So as of tomorrow Aug 9, 2007 I will be more diligent with my blog and track my calories and scale.

Lifestyle scale – out of 10 

Exercise – every 20 minutes = 1 point (max of 3 points)

Water – every 30 oz = 1 point (max of 2 points)

Calories – set range bottom of range = 3 points

                                 Middle of range = 2 points

                                 Top of range = 1 point

                                  Over             = 0

Attitude – feel good about the day 2 points

                 Feel so so about the day 1 point

                 Blah = 0

So yesterday works out to be about a 3 on the scale — sighs

Water 70 oz = 2

Attitude = 1

Total 3