Its not the jeans that make me look fat — its the FAT!!!

Which is funny coming from me — if I had my way I would prefer to be the gray person in the back of the room that no one really sees or notices (yipes what a truth!!).  Anyway its taken me many years to accept compliments.  I have to admit my sweetie has helped me a lot with that - I have learned from him to accept compliments graciously and it feels good.

I have worked in this job for over 13 years and was happy for many years just being in the background — someone that they knew but never sure who I really was.  With encouragement I joined the fitness classes here - talk about self concious until I realized that I don’t watch anyone else — so I was sure no one was watching me.  For almost a year I attended classes regularly and have been watching what I eat and its now showing big time.  Last week and this week in the change room I have had two different people (that I barely know) compliment me on my weight loss.  Funny thing is since last December I haven’t lost much weight but my inches have shifted.  I graciously accepted their compliments — agreed its not an easy road to take but proud of myself.  Years ago I would have shrugged off the compliments and said thanks but no big deal. 

 Bring them on LOL

Been an interesting week — I decided that I best stop fooling around with my calories and decided on Monday morning to make a concerted effort to keep my calories between 1600 and 1800 (instead of 1800 - 2000).  Did well for the most part even though Wed was the hottest recorded July 11 on record — got up to 37 degrees - blech.  I also decided to attend an out of town wedding at the end of August — several of us are going so its also a good reason to try and get off this plateau (I am bored with the view) and start eating and exercising right.  I was able to exercise three times although my plan for a fourth fizzled with the heat — I am not going to do bootcamp in 30 degree weather (for any of my American friends reading this 30C = 100F)

 Yesterday I also mustered up the courage to seek out our old family videos.  We weren’t much into videos when our son was growing up and last time I even saw one of the videos was several years ago when my husband was in a coma — it upset our son to watch the video so it was turned off and never seen again.  Two things took me by surprise yesterday - first one was hearing my late husband’s voice.  Knocked me for an emotional loop but glad I finally did it.  Second was seeing a video of me taken May of 1997 - I must have been close to 300 pounds.  It shocked me to see myself that huge — pictures are one thing a video was OMG!!!!!  Well one thing it did make me feel was ever so grateful that I have started this lifestyle - -shed much of that weight and do everything in my power to never return there again.  It was a tough time in my life — my husband was suffering from severe clinical depression - -I was so very very lonely and fed my lonliness with food - -yep that worked.  Anyway like I saw somewhere today — I must turn what I percieve as negatives and turn it into positives.  I won’t mourn for how I looked in the video 10 years ago - I will revel in the fact that here I am 10 years older — I am so much healthier and wiser.

Well semi serious — all this week I keep thinking I should be writing up feeling etc in my blog — its just a fabulous way to keep track of where I am an how I am doing.  When I fell off track earlier this year it was an old journal that got me thinking hard again how much I want this new lifestyle to continue.  The other joy is that this time of year actually makes it easier.  All the fabulous fresh fruit and vegetables are so good and its my food of choice for the most part.  I am avoiding refined sugar as much as possible right now.  After my morning during the vacation of eating not one not two but three sugary items I paid for it for almost a week.  I am sure the sugar and carbs wreak havoc with my system and I am just working hard to eat right and stay regular (my blog I don’t mind if I put out TMI)

Now for the good part of life.  Three year ago I was blessed to go online and meet my darling at a site.  We decided to not wait too long for face to face so on July 4, 2004 at a Starbucks near my home this fabulous man walked into my life.  I never knew at the time that my future was forever changed and in the best way possible.  He loves me the way I am but supports my eating and exercising 100%.

 Funny thing this morning I got up to have my shower — then he has his shower. Usually I am finished and headed downstairs before he gets out of the shower. Today I was only half way through my routine and he came back into the bedroom. I asked was he fast or was I slow — he just mumbled silly stuff and I gave it no further thought. So I finish blowdrying my hair and he is still sitting on the bed — I gave him hell and said he could have gone down and got the water ready for tea. He just grinned and said he preferred watching me or something like that LOL. Well we went downstairs and there on the counter were two boxes (he said neither was a ring —old joke — sort of LOL). That sweet darling bought me two totally sweet lovely gifts — crystal humming birds (I LOVE humming birds) and a beautiful glass frame with what I thought were his exact words inscribed on it. Turns out he lucked out and was thrilled with his find. He is so sweet and so kind — I burst into tears.

Again I just wanted to record somewhere else how much I love this man and I am so grateful he loves me as I am and he is so very very supportive of my weightloss and exercise routine.