Its not the jeans that make me look fat — its the FAT!!!

I haven’t been ignoring my blog just busy vacationing and this was the first time since I can remember I had no access to a computer.  It was quite nice actually — I know I would have been obsessing with my visits to all my friends trying to catch up.  The only thing I missed was being able to log my calories.  I was good for the first few days mentally adding them up and as my sweetie was recording our $$ spent I had him record my calories I consumed.  Most days seemed to be around the 2200 mark which is no good whatsoever for losing weight but with all the extra walking (although I am NOT sendentary at work) I figured I might have stayed even.  See if I am brave enough to jump on the scale tomorrow before my exercise class.

 One thing I did that I am proud of is I decided as we spent our first night on the Oregon Coast that I wanted to get a kite and fly one.  Nothing expensive or fancy just something that would make me feel like a kid again– I found a perfect one that was the colour of a rainbow and I had fun — lots of serene fabulous fun and its true acting like a kid again takes a bit of effort and moving around.  Not sure how many calories you burn flying a kite but the other benefits are invaluable.

I did suffer a bit from not eating on plan — I am learning (however slowly) that eating right not only helps me in my quest to fit into smaller sized clothes it helps my system maintain a healthy attitude.  And when my system has a healthy attitude I am a much happier person LOL.  Sugar and extra carbs are not good — more fresh and whole food is what I need.  As much as I dislike cooking and planning meals I really do need to vacation with a kitchen — depending on restaurants 24/7 is just too tough for my lifestyle.  Oh well back home now — no vacations (time away from home) planned until Oct and that will only be for three days — spent at a healthy (I hope) upscale resort.

Now for my rant — its my rant very personal and in reflection it has existed since I was 15 — so a very very long time. I have never ever been blessed with lovely legs — even when I was much smaller. I remember sitting in gym class at 15 looking down at these massive thighs and thinking to myself how fat I must be. Probably the start of my poor body image that has haunted me my entire life. Fast forward to last night — of course I am big — cripey I weigh 230 pounds — the size of an average line backer. I am getting ready to head to bootcamp so I wanted to put a tensor bandage on my knee. I pulled up my pants and was aghast at this massive and I mean massive thigh and knee. I felt like sobbing as I put the bandage on this huge fleshy leg — my dear dear sweetie didn’t deny it was large but he said its the way I am built. For a split second I thought about throwing it all in — forgetting about bootcamp, exercise and eating right — thank goodness the thought passed even quicker than it occured to me. I can’t give up — I will never have legs that need to be insured — they are large but my calves and upper thighs are extremely muscular. So I will continue to wear longer skirts - long pants and avoid shorts and continue with my good eating and lots of exercise.

Well I have been negligent but with good reason.  Last Wed I blew my “good” knee and had to rest for a few days.  Its still not great and it amazing how often you pivot on your joints when we really shouldn’t.  I keep trying to remind myself to pick up my feet and turn.  We also suffered from a heat wave (over 30 for my Canadian reader - in the 90’s for my American reader), and my computer has to be shut down when its that hot.  Poor old puter is up on the third floor and I guess the fan needs to be cleaned - yikes pretty much everything in the house needs to be cleaned but the fan is the only noisy item — and shutting it down shuts it up.  I kept my eating to a good level — I am thinking I didn’t go over 2100 calories on any given day — the fact my energy level was about zero was a bad thing — but after my month of going crazy I guess I was allowed a few days off.  I will go to my definition class and ab attack Tues and Wed and hopefully my knee will be good enough that I can do bootcamp on Thur and Fri. I am hoping that putting in writing will make me honest and get me to the gym.  I am loving that most of the eating is becoming second nature.  On Saturday I had coffee with three friends from high school — we had scones and muffins - I had half a muffin and probably one whole scone.  We then took my sweetie’s brother out for lunch.  I ordered the chicken and asparagus crepes — three arrived on the plate I could only eat two.  In the old days I would have stuffed the third one down — so this is a good thing.  Gotta keep looking for the good things (lets just forget about the muffin and scone