Its not the jeans that make me look fat — its the FAT!!!

So I attended the last bootcamp of my session. Shaved a minute off my 1K time.  When I started a month ago it took me 9m 2s to do 1K.  My time on Friday was 8m 3s — which amazed me I was postive having done three bootcamps in a row this 51 year old body would just shut down.  Instead I was amazed and thrilled to be down almost one whole minute!!!  Of course that just made me want to do this more and more.  I ate quite a bit after the exercise — somewhere I read that exercise surpresses your appetite for 2 hours — WRONG!!!!  Well I ate well on Saturday — we walked down to the store to get milk in the morning and that was the extent of exercise for the day.  On the way back up the hill to our house my sweetheart noticed that I was now powering up the hill.  When we first moved in I struggled up this small steep hill almost daily — but now I just powered up and felt great.  I really should have gone out and done something else but there was another part of me that felt after three heavy duty exercise days I deserved the weekend off.  Of course I am too old to ever become an elite athlete and with that mindset I will never become elite — all I want to be is healthy and below 200 pounds.  I have bounced around in the 200’s since 1990 and I am tired of it.   So today I brought extra workout gear and plan to either attend a class at work or go to the gym and make my own mini bootcamp — I am just not good at pushing myself — I am the sort of person that needs to be directed.  Funny thing is I took a quiz the other day and my score told me I am a director — guess I just need to find more of that personality within.

So we draw to the close of another week. After a fairly unsuccessful weekend last weekend (of course it would be a four day weekend) I hit the deck running Monday night and have eaten really well — stayed within my calorie range and even allowed myself a small chocolate sundae - but only with the realization that calories were fine and there was a huge workout ahead of me.  Wed night I attended the bootcamp and everything I was scared of came to pass.  We left the comfort of the park — where we get to play, run, workout and do strength training on the mats — we went for a long long run.  I dont’ do short runs let alone a long one!!!  We headed out and stopped to do some band exercises — I was the only one in the group that brought along water — thank goodness!!!!  Then we hit the hill — it was half a kilometer up this hill — I have climbed higher and steeper but never at this pace.  We did more exercises at the top — then sprint runs after then 1.5K back down the hill and back to the park. Once again I was amazed at my resiliance and ability to even finish this workout.  I know my personality and I know I need to sign up for more bootcamp — I would never push myself that hard — sad but true.

 I am still not going to weigh myself — I just know if I jump on that scale that I will beyond disappointed after all the workouts and good eating to find myself stalled or even gaining.  I know my muscles have increased a lot over the last three weeks. I have huge calves and thighs and right now they seem to be solid muscle.  I am still pouchy in the middle — hell I am 233 pounds I should be pouchy at that weight!!!  I will weigh myself before we leave on our trip in three weeks.  I do need to keep myself on the straight and narrow and if I weigh myself before I go — I must account for that number when I come back.

Well my blog I haven’t visited you for a few days.  I guess since Thursday night I sort of became a bit out of control.  I have had good and bad since Thursday lets see which I did more of.

Good - on Thursday I attended my cardio fitness class and added a 20 minute walk after the class

Bad - Thursday night we went to the Memphis Blues BBQ House - I could resist everything but the temptation of the heavenly BBQ meat and the totally addictive fries.

Semi-Good - I was so stuffed I was unable to order the dessert I had been lusting after since I saw the menu and decided that was the restaurant we were going to.

Good - got up Friday morning and headed out to my bootcamp.  It was in a different location and I was unable to find them.  I drove straight home and grabbed my sweetheart and asked him to come with me to the track so that he could time my one kilometer.  We drove to outside the park and walked about 10 minutes to the track (I carried my 3 pound weights).  I did the one kilometer in my usual time 9 minutes 5 seconds.  Which is exactly the same as when I started bootcamp.  Ok I am 51 I doubt I will ever get too fast — but I certainly won’t if I don’t keep trying.

Semi -bad — went to drop off the power washer with sweetie’s step-dad.  Went to the mall to look for a skirt nothing on sale so I only bought a cute hoodie that was on sale — purchased in the “regular” size side of the store — still a size XL.  After we stopped and got a chocolate sundae (280 calories) but I didn’t have much for lunch so they were tasty but wasted calories.

For Saturday I did nothing at all except be miserable because my body finally reacted to all the extra meat from Thursday night.  I went to the mall with my sweetie and had a salty craving attack.  We walked (at least we walked) over to the Taco Bell and I had their nasty beef tacos — yep that made me feel better.  The calorie count wasn’t absolutely horrid — 340 and I didn’t have much for dinner.  Probably ate another 500 calories at dinner — just didn’t feel the greatest.

Lets hope Sunday brings me some good - I had grandiose plans to go buy paint to paint my fence.  The weather is NOT cooperating so I am sitting here instead, unshowered, laundry waiting and a grocery list that needs attending — ok ok soon.

So I concentrated yesterday and did my best to not go over my goal calories.  Missed by 56.  Total calories were 1856.  After bootcamp I was quite hungry and usually I just have a bit to eat but last night I also had a 100 calorie popcorn.  That put me up and over the 1800 mark. I am not too worried - bootcamp last night was a fabulous workout and I get to do my definition class today.  This “should” be a good exercise week.  Do all three classes at work and the three bootcamps.  I know I shouldn’t count my chickens or classes before they happen, but that is the goal.  I am actually quite sad that bootcamp is over halfway done. Its really a great workout even if I am the slowest and most likely oldest in the class.  I was beside one girl last night and she asked if I had children and if they did something for me for mother’s day — I laughed and said my “baby” is 27 — which is probably the same age as she is.  She has a 3 year old and new born — she is heavy and I told her this is the best thing she could do — I wished that I had lost my “baby” weight. 

So I left work on Friday not feeling very well (all the bran etc etc kicked in big time).  I hoped and hoped that I would feel better by 6 so that I could go to bootcamp but no such luck.  First thing at bootcamp was a 1 km run and then circuit training.   I thought maybe I could just go and do once around the track slowly and then try the circuit.  Sadly no such luck so I won’t be able to enjoy doing the circuit unless I am able to make up the class next month. I really really disliked not going to the class but I just felt too yucky to join in.  Saturday we got up early and scrubbed down the front deck — geesh it was an hour of hard work with both of us scrubbing and cleaning but it looks great and I was able to put some plants out.  I can now open the blinds.  I had some chicken, rice and peppers for lunch - then a big bag of popcorn.  We went out in the late afternoon to Costco — I was craving a starbucks frappacino so about 5:30 we stopped to indulge.  I also ordered the lemon loaf — which I am sure was about 400 calories.  Yikes just checked 440!!!! But it was my dinner.  Another hurdle (albeit calorie laden) indulge in a treat and then stop eating for the day.  Ok I had two small chicken tenders — so not a great day but not horrid either.  Sunday was another story.  We were heading out for an early dinner at my common-law-sister-in-law (does that exist??).  She is a chef and always makes such lovely food.  We BBQed steaks, ribs and chicken and then all the salads were high calorie treats.  I overate — felt awful but got back on the wagon today.  I figure one weekend will not destroy everything.  I don’t plan to spend all my weekends like that but every once in a while — won’t hurt  — too much!!!

Well on to a great week !!!!!

And my oh my are my thighs hurting LOL.  I did weigh myself on Wednesday of course I figured with eating the correct calories and exercising my fool head off there is this expectation that I will see a huge loss.  Quite honestly (LOL I am talking to myself here) I was thrilled to see me down from 235 to 232.  Deep down inside I was secretly hoping to see 229 or less but this is really tough right now.  I wonder if my body is holding on to this weight right now and if I can just break through I might find it easier — who knows.  Someone said elsewhere if they had to work this hard to lose weight they would just give up.  I can’t - I won’t  - I need to keep pushing myself each and every day to eat right and move.  I am almost halfway through my bootcamp — not sure if its mind over matter but I feel smaller.  The scale (oh the damn scale) doesn’t register the smaller size but I can feel it in my waist — when I look at myself naked in the mirror I am still fat just not as fat.  My hips are getting more defined and when I turn sideways (something I usually try to avoid) I have the large tummy but not morbidly large. Dr Oz’s Omentum is still there in front of my tummy but I am determined to shrink it down.  I just posted my problem of where to shop now.  Its been coming as I shrink more and more that my clothes are getting too loose.  For someone that wore horrible baggy clothes (to hide the fat — ya right) I prefer more fitted clothes now (thanks to Stacy and Clint — What not to Wear).  Problem is I am getting too small for plus size but not many “regular” clothing stores cater to large people and the size 16’s are too small and 18 is hard to find.  I know I should just concentrate of getting smaller and maybe I can blast through this stage with some carefully purchased summer dresses.

First before rants and vents I want to say I had another great day of eating and exercising on Monday - of course my damn body let me down this morning and I am sitting here extremely uncomfortable and all I want to do is go home — relax and let nature take its course.  Its my blog and I guess I can do TMI for future reference LOL.  I am so tired of not being regular — it goes well for a few days then I go off — I take a laxitave that my doctor recommended as long as I don’t over use but this is rediculous!!!a

Now for my Rant — I am so spitting mad I am tempted to call this person and talk to them.  This is someone online who it turns out faked her death.  I mean faking certain things happens but your death.  I cannot believe she did this other than the fact she was one hell of a drama queen which is why I slowly withdrew my friendship last year.  I have zero need for drama and won’t waste my time with people that are high maitenance — LOL no wonder I have so few friends!!!  From the first day her death was announced I felt a twinge of doubt.  Something about how her newly widowed husband was handling things — having been there done that with my husband’s death several years ago I just felt something wasn’t right.  Another online friend was feeling the same way but she was more tenacious than I was about finding proof and she dug it up today.  This person has a website and just had something last Saturday — a whole month after she supposedly died.  I feel so sorry for all the people that posted words of sympathy etc etc.

 Well another day tomorrow — lets hope I am feeling better. 

Had a good weekend — took my bike out for my first ride (has to be the first time since about 1993 I was on a bike that wasn’t bolted to a gym floor.  Big thanks to my definition instructor all the lunges that she has made me do over the last few months helped alleviate any butt problems after bike riding - YAY!!! Thanks Candace!!!!

 Indulged in an individual pizza on Saturday night — saved up my calories for the 900 calorie treat but forgot that my tummy just won’t take that sort of food intake in one sitting any more.  Good lesson well learned.  I had to make a trip to buy some Tums — necessary because we were off to enjoy an evening of comedy stylings with George Carlin — even at 69 the man is a genious!!!

Sunday was back to normal — well as normal as things can by when you have a “discussion” with your mother.  I am 51 and still looking for approval — sigh.  I have held a lot of things in and her dislike for my partner was dragging me down.  I have wanted to say something but the timing was never right.  Well it came out loud and clear yesterday.  At least she admitted that she is happy for me — she can see that my sweetie is the kindest most generous man and treats me like a queen and that I am happy — extremely happy.  I didn’t think that was enough for her.  I guess I wanted her to care for my sweetie as much as she cared for my late husband — but that is fairytale thinking.  Maybe one day but just not now.  I have to settle for her admitting she is happy for me.

So I did my first complete week (sort of ) with bootcamp and eating properly.  I don’t feel like I was deprived of anything. My calories ranged from a low of 1694 to a high of 1897.  Pretty much within the range that I need to get this weight loss started again.  My calories burned during the days averaged about 400. 

 I treated myself to my starbucks mocha today knowing I had bootcamp in the evening and everything would be just fine. Right?? Wrong!!! Got to bootcamp — it was a lovely evening — we started the warm up then headed up to the nearby tennis courts for a ball run. It was great - had to run with the ball and then throw the ball against the wall - - great workout. Then we split into two groups and were playing dodge ball with the stability balls — it really looked so cool. All the pretty colours - -everyone running around — everyone having fun - it was like being 10 again and all goes well until someone gets hurt — sighs. One poor girl got twisted up with a ball between her legs she went down hard on the side of her head. It was scary — I choked up when they mentioned about calling her husband (she couldn’t remember his name - double choke!!). All I could think of is how my sweetie would react if he ever had to get a call like that. I do the workout but I don’t get carried away — I am always on the lookout for something — holes in the path etc etc. I can’t say I will always be safe but I will do what I can whenever I am out.

Bottom line is the girl will have a wonderful bruise - she was taken by ambulance as a precaution but she will be fine just a little bit more colourful.

So there went my exercise — and my mocha will sit on my hips for the time being LOL.

So its Friday noon and it was a rather good week.  I kept my calories within my range.  Only meandered out a bit yesterday with a helping of edamame beans (200 calories).  My fitness for the week was pretty darn good.  So far this week I have done 2 nights of bootcamp (60 minutes each), one definition class (40 minutes), one core concept class (50 minutes) and one cardio semi blast class with weights - that was my killer class.  My instructor advised me to NOT use the weights if I am feeling too weak.  The night before during my bootcamp we had done a 40 minute power walk using our weights the whole time - so my arms were a little bit sore — to say the least. 

 Its very empowering to feel this good about eating right and exercising.  Even last night as I drove to get our dinner at McDonald’s I was justifying to myself that I could have a small bag of fries to go with my salad.  But I was just fooling myself - -I can’t go back to that person that would drive up and order two cheeseburgers, a side of fries and chocolate shake - no matter how much exercise I did during the week.  Quite honestly I don’t believe I could even eat that much now in one sitting.  That is where I want to remain — I want to know when to stop — I want to avoid that “full” feeling and I will avoid drive throughs.