I’m sick of that scolding voice in my ear as I grocery shop, “No!” “Put it back!” “You can’t have that!”
Between reading nutrition facts panels, hovering over bins of tempting fresh breads, coolers full of creamy cheeses, cream-on-top yogurts and the like… then regretfully putting them back… I notice this negative back-chat going on.
I’ll leave a store with good, healthy choices in my shopping bag, yet feel as if I’m somehow bad, bad, bad because of what I wanted but couldn’t have. Somehow I punish myself mentally, regardless of the outcome. There’s something fundamentally wrong with that picture, I mean, I make good choices, so what’s the problem? I know other people do the same.
Martha Beck suggests a different way to get to a goal in her book, Steering by the Stars. She reasons that our true goals are actually the feeling or state of mind that we’ll experience once we reach the “goal,” whatever it is.
For me, that feeling could be the sense of well being I feel when I sit back, look around, and know I’ve done it. Anything positive I feel when I’ve achieved something, besides the “thing” itself! So, Martha suggests another way of looking at it–the fastest way to a goal is to start where you want to finish. That is, why not start with that positive state of mind in the first place? It’s bound to help!
For example, you want to buy your first home. Your true goal is the experience of living in and owning it. So to apply this thought to a weight loss journey, when you reach your goal, you’ll feel terrific inside when you catch a glimpse of the thinner “you” in a reflection. Think of how much less stress you’ll feel when you can get dressed in five minutes instead of thirty (frustrating) minutes. The experience of being me when I’m at a normal BMI is what I really want!
Beck suggests you try capturing the “feeling” while you’re on your way to the goal. Can you hold your head high and act like you will when you reach your weight goal? How much easier would that make it for you, on the way?
Studies have shown that confident, successful, proud people are reacted to with far more acceptance than troubled, angry, frustrated people. That means every experience you have out in public could be more positive for you. It’s more than just smiling–it’s feeling settled and successful inside.
I’m imagining I walk confidently into the grocery store, knowing what I want to keep maintainng my healthy weight. There’s a spring in my step. Maybe I glance at stuff not on my “list”, but without regret. I reach happily for what I came into the store for and waltz out, knowing I got what I want, without agony. Wouldn’t that be cool?
Posted on March 17th, 2009 by jaxie
Filed under: Victories, weight loss
That’s a great way of thinking about it.
Before I used to think that I’m missing out on food cuz I can’t have this or that. But then I decided to take a better approach and decided to say “I’m choosing to eat right for my health” and now instead of saying “I can’t have this burger” I say/think “I’m choosing to have this salad with grilled fish on the side” it works a lot more and lately I’ve just felt so much better about weight loss and “dieting” in general
Good luck.
I like your thought process. I wrote a blog on a similar subject, and sometimes, I must admit, the thought is terrifying to me that I may have to listen to that voice for the rest of my life. The voice that says “put that down! Don’t look at that! You can’t eat that!” I definitely think I need to change my frame of mind, and focus on the positive instead of the negative.
Nice thoughts. May we both be more positive.
This is really interesting. I really agree that that negative back chat is not something you want to permit. And, yes, your choices are the *real* you. Congrats you a great post and a great way of thinking. You are doing this! Delita
After 3.5 decades of eating particular kinds of foods… I can’t expect to be able to easily leave that all behind. But I can train myself in the 3.5 decades can’t I? I’ve only begun 6 months ago but already the things I buy and eat have greatly changed, little byt little. There’s a pride and joy in having ground flax seeds on my cottage cheese, the visual appeal of pretty peppers, grilled mushrooms, the simplicity of tuna salad out of a bowl, and not feeling guilty over-eating all the fruit I want. Just this week, i slaved over a meal that made a mess and took hours, twice and BOTH of those meals were ‘junk’. Neither would have been my choice and both were out of the norm as of the past few months but what we used to do every single day.
I guess it depends on what kind of food intake you’re allowing yourself. For me, cheese is in my diet, bread is not. I think one of the reasons I got up to 310 lbs is bread. Somehow though, I realized recently that I’m doing okay without it. I thought I’d replace it with tortillas, but in the end I’m just eating the stuff out of a bowl.
Wishing you much success.
Thanks, everyone, for the positive feedback.