Trying trying

Having some difficulty staying within my food guidelines so am quite disappointed in myself. I need to get to where I’m commited again. The only thing I’m doing that’s good is walking, and I’m walking a lot… minimum 1 hr sometimes more, each day. More than half on sand and much of the sand walking about as fast as I can go.

But eating…

I’m paying to use a website that I’m not using to track - at least not using it consistently. Time seems so short, all the time, so it’s even more frustrating.

Bento, Hearing Aid, Onigiri

I am getting a grip at last! Stopping the willful disregard for what I eat. Taking charge, planning meals, shopping for health, watching portions, stopping when I’m full… what else? I’ve been getting a healthy amt of outside exercise all along, so I haven’t added that. But I was eating to keep up with what I was burning and gradually putting back on the pounds I’d lost.

New HEARing aid - ready for fitting tomorrow. $2650  is a huge amt of money esp all from my pocket.  Oticon Dual, little triangular shape behind my ear, little tube inside. My hearing loss is totally conductive and it works beautifully. Plus I picked a gorgeous red color.

Onigiri - sushi rice made into balls with filling of my choice - I like the seasoned thai chili tuna from bumblebee.

Bento Boxes

Don’t know what it is about me but structure works best. So I’m very excited about my new strategy of using a bento box to make my lunch every day. I love to look at food, I love to prepare it, esp combinations of things I like.

So I was at the www.myfooddiary.com site checking out the forums–one of the bloggers wrote about www.laptoplunches.com so I checked it out and ended up ordering one of their bento box sets, then reading more here and there about bento boxes in general. I knew what they were, of course, I’ve had the bento box choices at lunch at restaurants, but hadn’t thought about doing it myself. Like everything else, there’s a whole well-developed culture out there just waiting for me to discover.

Then, because I never do things by half, to tide me over until the real bento boxes come, I stopped at the local asian food store in Portland, ME and bought two small boxes with sliding dividers and locking tops. I also made some simple lists of the categories of foods I like and want to have on hand to make my lunches.

Protein

Work to do:Recipes from web for vegetables, salads

NYTIMES salad recipes

Investigate Sauces:
Salsa, Asian sauces, Dressings

Chicken breast

Sliced meats

Shrimp, cold salmon, Crabmeat

Fried Tofu

Vegetables

Snap Peas, edamame

Chopped Salad

Carrot sticks

Pickled Beets

Green beans, spaghetti squash

Asparagus

Dairy

Yogurt, Cottage Cheese

Hard Cheese

Cheese Sticks

Bread

Sandwich Thins, mini pita, mini bagel

Crackers

Tortillas

Fruits/Nuts

Sliced apples

Berries

Raisins, apricots, etc

Nuts

Applesauce

So that’ll guide me shop for things I can use. Then I scoured my pantry and found I already have ample supplies for the rest of the week. I love asian food, but I’m not limiting myself and I think this is more about having good attractive portions of simple, real food.

So today I have, in my two little boxes, a section cottage cheese over pieces of clementine tangerine, and a small section of nuts and raisins, and another section with fingers of bread from a cut-up sandwich thin. In the other box I have some cooked jasmine rice, cooked chicken breast and chopped green pepper with some Korma curry sauce poured over it, and a section of green and yellow string beans and julienned carrot.  This box I’ll nuke just to warm it up.

Keep in mind the sections are quite small, so it’s terrific portion control. I also happen to love noshing from one section to the other… it’s making me feel full and there are lots of sections left.

I suppose this could all be accomplished by throwing things into baggies and so on, but the aesthetic pleasure of arranging the food and the fun of eating it is appealing to me. Plus the balance of hitting all the major food groups… and adding a little special something to cheer me up - carrot flowers, bread stars. This is very very cool. And I’m eating less.

How far we fall

OK, this is a happening thing again. Awareness of what I’m eating is seeping back.

When I’m in an “I need comfort so I can eat what I want” mode, I just ignore what I know is best and part of me just goes numb. I take the comfort I need from eating and don’t think about it.  Kind of sicko, and I know better.

I’ve had a really awful boss for the past 3 years… really awful. Now he’s gone, let go, and I’m relieved on so many levels. He was a threat to my continued employment. He was a personal downer for me, critical of the skills I’m most proud of. He wasn’t collegial in any way, a very poor collaborator. I learned reams from him re how not to act. I can’t quite relax into the fact that he’s gone, but I’m trying.

2010 is going to be a wonderful year, I can feel it.

New Food Diary

I went to the myfooddiary site to check it out and it really is nice - I have to pay 9 bucks a month but I know it’s going to be worth it, so I signed up and started using it.

It makes it very easy to track my food choices and the calories burned from the exercise I do–it’s fast and has efficient displays, much better than the daily plate.  I know from experience I need the nutrition data for fat, sat fat, cholesterol and sodium right there so I can see it as I move through my day. I’m a nutritionist by trade so I guess that’s what makes sense for me.

I also like the “green boxes” - it puts in a green background in the boxes when you’ve eaten really good things - and red when you haven’t. I’m going to set up some challenges as I go, trying to keep my whole day as “green” as possible.

So I have high hopes. I also know I’m ready to restart my diet. I’ve been craving salads, fish and vegetables, a sure sign that I’ve had enough of sweets and heavy things. I got derailed by having a very good coffee and bagel shop open mere feet from my home. All Fall I’ve had a super indulgent attitude toward food, so my intake and portions has been going up and up with no interference from me. But now I’m putting on the brakes. It won’t be perfect every day, every hour, but it will get better over time, and I know I’ll start seeing results in a week or two.

In the next 3 months I’m going to decide what I want to do about retirement. After I decide what I want I’ll set up some scenarios for alternatives and see how it shapes up. Then go talk with the financial guy. No sense in talking unless I’ve done some work. The Fidelity people keep offering, so I may as well take them up on it.

In my heart of hearts I think the worst - that I’ll have to be here, working forever. I know I haven’t been smart about money, and goodness knows I’d make other choices in a heartbeat if I could go back to certain decision points, but I can’t, so the next best thing is making the best of what I have.

That comes back to health, always, getting back the healthy athletic woman I was so the next 10-20 years will be as good as they can be. I’ll do it, it’ll take time, but it’s the only thing that makes sense.

Almost Christmas

Every year I try really hard to be cheerful, good & kind — I make and cook wonderful things and give them to those I love. My expectation is that I’ll do a decent job of not bringing people down to my level of grinchness.

My joy when it’s over is boundless. Which will be soon!! Yippee.  For the first time in 2 or 3 months I can feel the pressure to stuff myself with foods that keep my serotonin levels up out of the gutter is easing. I can contemplate a serving of lean chicken or haddock, some steamed veg, some raw veg. Piece of fruit for dessert. A (gasp!) salad, even.

Just a few more days… two. There’s today, three more hours of work, then 4 days off! Tonight, last minute sewing (4 catnip pillows) for Susan (who’s in Rio!), a pursey thing to hold Paula’s camera. Painting two sets of hangers with Quimper-like borders for Paula and Clara, making and decorating little boxes for the paperwhite and hyacinth bulbs for Paula and Ann.

Jackson

Tracking

I’m giving up on the Daily Plate… my tool of choice for so long, but since it was taken over by Livestrong it’s gotten slower and slower… and I loved the look of the Plate and the moderators voices… and Livestrong is ugly and sucky. Does anyone know another free tracking site like it?

So for awhile I’ll try tracking here, at least elementary tracking.

B: raisin bran with a dash of nutty nuggets, diced fresh apple, 1% milk, 3 Ritz crackers

S: Fiber one bar (150c, 4.5gFat, 0.5g SatFat, 0mg chol), 6-8 grape tomatoes

L: 1 Lean Pocket spinach artichoke, bowl homemade tomato soup w shrimp, carrots, black beans. 6-8 ritz type crackers, 2-3 pcs butterscotch

S: Fat free whole foods bran muffin

D: grilled panini with turkey bacon and i slice cabot’s cheese, 5-6 grape tomatoes, 1 coffee cookie with chocolate frosting.

I’m still walking, 35 to 40 miles per week, but eating commeasurately. sadly. Still, my legs are strong.

Gazpacho

Really good -

1 lg can tomato sauce - Contadina is good - sauce, not paste or pasta sauce; 2 or 3 cucumbers, seeded & diced; 2 cans diced Rotel tomatoes with jalepenos, undrained; 1 seeded jalepeno or a 1/2 a small can of pickled jalapenos and carrots, chopped; 1 or 2 cans spicy V8 juice; 2 cans black beans, drained & rinsed; juice of 1 lemon; 2 TBSP olive oil; 1 or 2 cloves garlic; salt, pepper, hot sauce to taste. Let sit overnight then taste. May add chopped fresh cilantro or basil if desired, and thinned with 1 C or more of water if very thick and tasty. Sometimes I add olive tapenade or leftover bruschetta. Serve cold with a dollop of sour cream or plain yogurt, chopped chives, croutons, crumbled fresh cheese or feta.

This soup is a mainstay for me, I love it, have a cup in place of snacks. If you add several dried chunks of bread or croutons to a bowl and add gazpacho to cover and let it sit, it makes a very hearty meal; esp with an artisan bread that has black olives in it. Toasted bread cut into chunks can be substituted.

I make this a bit differently each time, but for a cold soup that can be made when vegetables are out of season, it’s really good.

This has been a bad week, issues and more issues at work, too much. Stopped at the market on the way home, got romaine, proscuitto, marinated black olives and feta. sliced almonds. After our beach walk, I made a simple yummy salad, Romaine with a chopped tomato, a few olives and cubes of crumbled feta, 2 slices of the proscuitto, sprinkle of almonds, some chopped herbs, olive oil and sherry vinegar. It was just what I needed. A walk with the puppy finished the day.

Want to cook…

Saw a picture last wk in a food magazine of a quiche with sliced almonds on top, chunks of lobster and broccoli peeking out of the filling - it looked delicious, so I made two using my usual quiche recipe, gave them to friends–to share — they were scrumptious. Also made a huge amount of gazpacho, gave away half. Very yummy. Had for lunch with cottage cheese and some leftover shrimp gumbo yesterday and with quiche today.

Last night I made 2 more quiches - am eating a piece at lunch ea day instead of Lean Cuisine meals. The toasted almonds on top make it really really yummy.

Tonight I’m broiling some steelhead trout, flaking it up with egg white, sauteed yellow peppers, hot sauce, some goat cheese and a few Tbsp of panko crumbs and stuffing zucchini squash with it - I got a zucchini that lookd like a pale green pumpkin from a friend that’ll be perfect.

Just came back from my brisk noontime walk - hills and uneven brick sidewalks, 2.6 mi so far today–there’s still my late afternoon walk with Jackson, and hi s last walk before bed–another 1.5 - 2 mi.

Moving along

The walking is great. I’m loving going out in the midday for a nice brisk walkie, even if it’s been in the nineties and humid as can be, it’s cooler now.

However - though I can easily walk 3-4 miles or more a day, I’ve been eating in proportion. My problem, rob Peter to pay Paul…

Having too many things on my to-do list means I steal energy from one thing and the other suffers - so I’ve been walking a lot and also accomplishing big things (that take days and days to finish) around the house and grounds.  But eating hugely. Damn.  I think I should be able to expand so I can do more than one thing at once, but I fall back into the same old same old excuses. So I have hard, toned legs and butt but still a thick middle.

Jackson and I went to Camp Unleashed in the Berkshires last week, and it was amazing fun. Really wonderful. Anyone with a dog who loves to be with other dogs and run offleash all day long should look into it, for the dog’s sake. Jackson’s happiness quotient spiked bigtime!