So, I have had my blog set up for close to a week now yet have not posted anything. I am trying to kill time before my work holiday party, so no time like now to get my blogging up and running.
I guess I’ll start with a little about me…
I was thin my entire life. I was blessed with a high metabolism. At 5′6″, I weighed 100lbs during highschool and the first couple of years at college. I ate and drank whatever I wanted and as much as I wanted. It was great. The nurses in highschool actually thought I had an eating disorder which was far from the truth (if they could see me now).
In college, I gained a little more than the freshman 15, but being so petite when I went in the weight looked good on me. I started to obsess at this point that I wasn’t a hundred pounds anymore, but didn’t do much to change my diet or exercise.
It would be good to also note that I suffered from depression and untreated alcoholism for most of my life. I had(have) low self-esteem from childhood. Nothing I can blame on my mom and my dad; it was more from friends, classmates and extended family. I started drinking at the age of 13 to numb my feeling for the next 15+ years of my life. Then I started dating at the age of 17 going from one bad relationship to the next. Needless to say, I was always looking to fill a void with in me, either it be alcohol, gambling, men, spending, or what brings me here today FOOD.
In 2008, I stopped drinking booze and picked up food. You would think I’d of lost weight with the elimination of alcohol and all the calories it contains. This was not the case. When I drank, I’d be out late nights on the dance floor making an A$S out of myself and eating a minimal amount of food because I was normally sick to my stomach or sleeping through meals to recover from the night before. Since alcohol is a sugar, my body craved sugar and was determined to find it in other sources. I put down the bottle and picked up the donuts. It also didn’t help that I was dating a Jewish guy who over ate and lived with his mother who always made a 5 course meal.
Looking back it doesn’t surprise me I gained over 30lbs in a 2 year period. The relationship ended with the Jewish guy, I hit a bad depression around my 29th birthday, I took up drinking again, got involved with a drug addict who became more like a son than a boyfriend, and continued to consume sugar and fried food at unhealthy levels.
I was miserable. I was constantly (and still hear it now) being asked if I was pregnant. I was drink to numb my feelings and spending money I didn’t have gambling online and at various casinos near my apartment and parents’ house. I decided I needed to do something.
I found a holistic rehab in North Miami Beach, FL. The program believed in a healing the Body, Mind, and Spirit. Besides addressing my issues with alcohol and gambling, they also provided a healthy diet and exercise program. I knew this was the place I needed to go.
I was always putting other people and things before myself. This had to stop and going away for 28 days to learn a better way of living was the starting point for me. I got the time off from work to go to FL for the month of September and work on myself. It was a very challenging at first and I spent the first two weeks crying that I wanted to go home. I did make it and it was the start of my journey in recovery from my addictions.
I’m happy to say that since I have not had a drink of alcohol. I have gotten sloppy with my eating and exercising, but have seen great improvements from the time I went. The gambling pokes its ugly head now and again. Overall I am making progress.
Its progress, not perfection and as my sponsor would say I’M DOING IT!
Filed under: Uncategorized on December 17th, 2010 | 1 Comment »