Boxing Day

Today’s calorie intake:

Breakfast: 60g carrot sticks - 24 calories.
Green tea - 1 calorie.
Lunch: Weight Watchers chicken, leek and potato soup - 96 calories.
Snack: 60g carrot sticks - 24 calories.
Green tea - 1 calorie.
Dinner: Half a Weight Watchers macceroni cheese - 200 calories.

Total consumed: 346 calories.

Exercise:

30ds level 3 - 117 calories.

Net: 229 calories.

We spent last night at my uncle and aunt’s house so I had to sleep on a sofa in the same room as my brother. Every time I was about to go to sleep he began snoring and nothing I tried (piling blankets over my head, sticking cotton wool into my ears and eventually screaming “SHUT UP!” at thin air) would block out the sound. So as you can imagine I was awake all night. Which was fun.

There was Special K for breakfast but no skimmed milk and I don’t think I would have been allowed to measure out my portion size (the very idea of guessing makes me nervous) so instead I had a cup of green tea while everyone else inhaled bacon, eggs, toast, sausages, pancakes, maple syrup etc. Luckily I found a box of carrot sticks in the car which I had packed for the drive yesterday and was able to eat that as a kind of substitute breakfast.

There was solid traffic throughout pretty much the entire journey back and what should have been a four hour drive stretched on and on and on. My mum and brother ate endless turkey sandwiches and jaffa cakes but I was forced to wait until we finally got home for my soup by which time it was long after lunch.

I did do the 30ds today but was so tired that I don’t think I pushed myself anywhere near hard enough. Then to make matters worse my mum wouldn’t let me go on the treadmill because apparently I’m “exhausted” and “haven’t eaten enough”. It makes me want to sit down and cry.

Actually I do feel pretty ill although I’d never give her the satisfaction of knowing. I’m freezing cold, I think I’ve somehow pulled a muscle in my back from doing the 30ds and I can barely keep my eyes open. But that’s no excuse for not exercising and I’m on the verge of a panic attack because I know I’m going to regret this come Friday’s weigh-in. However if I even try to get on that treadmill my mum says she’ll unplug it. This is just so, so, so unbelievably unfair.

At dinner I ate less than half a 352 calorie meal so I guess my intake for today is probably lower than I estimated. That had better make up for how lazy I’m being. I’m so worried and stressed out about this, I don’t think I can take my net calories being positive for one more day.

One Response to “Boxing Day”

  1. Hi, I wanted to chat. I’m from 3fatchicks too!

    I’ve been right where you’ve been, I did exactly what you’re doing when I was 14, and I thought the same things that you think now, so I definitely know how you feel about being awkward and wanting to lose weight as fast as possible!

    I used to think the same thing you think — “I want to lose weight as quickly as possible, and I’ll only do this for a little while and I’ll stop as soon as I reach my goal.”

    I didn’t have grownups to warn me about what would happen if I dieted like that, so I want to warn you, so that you won’t have to learn the hard way like I had to!

    When you try to lose weight really quickly like this, a lot of really bad things happen to your body. Right now, I’m obese and I weigh more than 200 pounds because I used to do extreme diets like this in high school. If you keep doing this, it’s going to ruin your metabolism, and you’re going to be fat when you grow up. If you keep doing this, you’re going to put yourself in a situation where your body clings to every calorie and you’ll spent the rest of your life battling your weight. If you keep doing this, you’ll have to fight the weight battle for the rest of your life. Do you want that?

    Since I’ve done this before, I also need to warn you: The weight is definitely going to come back. I’m not saying this to discourage you, but I’m just telling you this so that you won’t be surprised or horrified when it happens. This is what always happens to everybody who loses weight quickly with a super-low-calorie diet. The problem with these very low-calorie diets is that the weight always comes back pretty quickly. You’ll probably gain back a couple of extra pounds, too, so expect to bounce back to around 116 or 117 pounds by summer. This is nearly 100% guaranteed to happen. Please don’t worry when you do regain.

    When the regain happens, I really don’t want you to worry and go on another diet and try to lose the weight all over again. It’s very important that you never try to diet this way ever again. The worst thing you can do is fall into a pattern where you keep going on extremely low-calorie diets again and again. It will destroy your metabolism and make you fat when you grow up.

    I really, really, really want to warn you because I’m really, really, really worried that you’re going to do this again as soon as you gain all the weight back. When you gain the weight back, you must not attempt to lose it.

    116 or 117 lbs is a very good and healthy weight for someone your age and height. In fact, that’s at the low end of normal for you! So, I understand that you feel awkward, and I’ve definitely been 14 and I know how you’re feeling right now, I know how easy it is to feel like your body doesn’t measure up, but weight loss isn’t the cure for your awkward feelings.

    What I want you to do is not worry or panic when the weight comes back. This is easier said than done, I know, but really hear me out and try to do this. Settle in at 114 pounds (or even higher! You can safely go all the way up to 130 lb and still be skinny, you know) As awkward as you’re going to feel, you need to stop worrying about your weight for now. And then, you need to…….wait.

    Just wait, wait, wait, wait and be patient!

    I know it feels like an eternity right now, but you’re going to grow into your body in a few years. If you just keep on eating whatever you like, I promise that you’re going to grow out of the awkwardness. Don’t try to fight what your body needs to do right now — you’re supposed to feel awkward at this stage in life. You want to have an attractive, beautiful body when you’re 24, right? If you want to have that when you’re 24, then you need to stop doing crazy things to your body right now. You’re making it very difficult for your body to develop the way it’s supposed to.

    These extreme diets set you up for lifelong weight problems. I know you think this was a one-time-only diet. Please make sure that it’s a one-time-only diet. When you regain the weight, don’t attempt to lose it again.

    Take care, and good luck, and I know you’re gorgeous!

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