I have been a yo-yo dieter since I was about 15. My older sister bought “The Firm” tapes and didn’t do them and I liked the look of the women on them so I did them. I was an average weight but they slimmed me down and buffed me up and I was hooked. But with a new look came attention I had never gotten before, it freaked me out and I ate like crazy. As I gained weight the attention slowed down, then stopped, I was relieved but upset and the horrible shape I was in. I bet you’re wondering “Who wouldn’t want attention?”
I was molested by my uncle at 5 and two “family friends” at 7 which sent me into a trauma where I couldn’t speak. My mother says one day about a year later after I stopped speaking, I just began saying a few words and then I was back to “normal” at about 12 years old. But I learned from toned and lean and then overweight and out of shape that I could start and stop people from looking at me.
Fast forward 4 years ago. I started losing weight beginning at 320 lbs and lost it all but 30lbs. I was feeling great and working on my master’s degree when my 8 year old son’s baseball coach started giving me the eye. I distanced myself from him but he insisted that I stay to watch practice. I explain that I would be right back and that a friend would be watching my son. He makes a mean remark to the asst. coach when I’m leaving. Upon my return to pick up my son, I notice that my son doesn’t look very happy. When I ask him what was wrong he burst into tears and says what the coach said to him. “Mom, the coach says he hates you and wishes you were dead.” He told my son that it was his job to make sure I stayed at practice or else he would go on feeling that way about me. My poor son was confused and upset. I called my husband and told him but he didn’t know how to handle it. He took my son out of practice and I began to eat like I never had before.
I managed to gain 85 lbs in less than a year and would not stop until all eyes would look away at me in disgust. I start back on track at 337lbs. Since then I have been working on my triggers and desperate to get back down to that buff tone girl I was 4 years ago. But I admit I am a little scared. However, a little fear doesn’t stop me from wanting not just to shed the weight but to shed the weight and look like I was born that way ( like I did before.) Ms. Ripa is my inspiration and I need a pal that has been there and done that to help along the way.
Thanks for listening
RR
Posted on October 2nd, 2009 by helenkellermoment
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