Losin it in Paradise

Still staying strong

Well believe it or not, I am still hanging.  I have lost 6 pounds, but again I know that is water weight.  And I know you lose fast in the beginning.

I always do good this part of any diet, but then as I continue my willpower fizzel out and I become a quiter.

I have quit every damn diet the minute it gets tough.

Seems like my life is one big fookin diet after another.  Seems like my life sucks most of the time.

Not that I am totally unhappy.  I have a great son and daughter in law, the most beautiful new grand daughter.  And a husband who is good to me.  No romance or real love in the marriage but he is good to me and is a good friend.  Some times I think I married a gay man.  Not that he acts feminine at all, totally the opposite.  Just that he has 0 sex drive..0

I have tried to talk to him and he always has excuses, too tired etc.  The he will make a big production about wanting sex but I feel it is just a preformance to try to prove to me that he does want sex.  My husband is 12 years younger than me.  Our sex life has never been great, it is good when we have it but was always rare, and now it has been almost 2 years since he has touched me.    I know some of this is my fault cause I have now shut him out sexually because I don’t believe he desires me at all, that it was all a big show, and I hate my saggy fat old body so much that even if I did think he desired I don’t like him to touch me anymore.

Oh enough of the whining.  Oh and excerice, I hate to exercise!!  yup I much have been born to be fat  Love food, hate exercise.

I am a nursing supervisor and I walk about 5 to 6 miles a shift, I don’t want to walk when I get home…..I HATE EXERCISE.

Someone with the name Stcroix wrote a nice comment to me, but I lost it and could not answer.  Sorry.

Well I have to work again tonight and this will be a challenge.  I always eat eat eat all night long.  I went thru my desk at work and threw out all the junk and I am only taking fruit, a diet pepsi and my Nutri System with me tonight.  I have to stay strong….for me, no one else just me

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