Losin it in Paradise

“Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up when we fail.”  Ralph Waldo Emerson

Well so far I am doing ok.  Had a bit of a lapse yesterday.  Took a friend out for dinner.  Dinner was not the problem, dessert was…..it was offered as part of the meal, and I had every intention of saying NO thank you.  BUT, it was macadamia nut pie…..and…..the rest is history.   Yes, I ate the damn thing, the whole piece.

But in doing so I have discovered a couple of very interesting things about myself.  1.  I am not very forgiving of myself  2. once I taste sugar I am gone, AMOK…..

Long story short, I ate the pie and then came home and raided my DH chocolate stash.  I had a total of about 4 pcs of Dove chocolate with caramel.  For me not bad, for eating habits, not good.

Good news?   I didn’t decided to just blow the rest of the week because of one little set back.  I got right back into the good eating today.

I had two really good runs, and then noticed today that my achilles was a bit tender, in fact sore when I walked so decided to rest my muscles for a day.  The do recommend that in the running books, run one day and then rest the next.  So will have a nice run after work in the am.

I am not a real water fan and am trying really hard to drink at least 64 ounces of the stuff a day.  I know it is really important for weight loss and of course to stay hydrated.  Good for skin and stuff.  So I usually add in Crystal light or something like that that will help it taste better.  I found in Costco some stuff called Greens to Go.  It is not low cal and sweetened with aspertame like Crystal Light, it is 32 cal a drink, but it has all sorts of great antitoxins in it and is equal to eating a bunch of veggies and fruits.  And it tastes rather good even thou it looks like swamp sludge.  So for one 8 oz drink I have been using Greens to Go, one drink is Crystal Light, and the rest I am enjoying as iced chai tea.

I am still not weighing myself.  I am not sure when I will step on the scale.  I have Wii fit to keep me up with my weight when I do my body check.  I am trying really hard to just guage by how my cloths feel.  And right now they still feel too damn tight.    I want to get away from my scale and number addiction.  I know I am fat, I just don’t want to have to look at the numbers every day.

All in all, I am doing well.  One set back is not a failure, it is just a reminder of why I am doing this….

Posted on January 9th, 2009 by islandgrl
Filed under: General | 2 Comments »

“Many of life’s failures are experienced by people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”  Thomas Edison

Thanks to all for the great suggestions on how to try and beat this night time snacking and sugar cravings.  I love them!

I am at work and actually have time not only to journal but to eat, and I am about to dig into my brocolli salad from Costco.  I add some low fat Italian dressing and 5 black olives and OMG it is so yummy.   And the good thing about having a private office is……………..when the brocolli starts to work, I can fart all I want….giggle..

Tomorrow is the day I start to run again.  I will get in 1.5 miles in the morning after work.  I am going to start slow and not run the 3 miles I was up to until I feel my knees are going to handle it.  I don’t want to rush too fast and then blow out a knee and be sidelined again.  I am really excited about it, I so miss running.  A co-worker and I want to run in the 5K in Honolulu this spring.

Well it is almost January 5th, and so far so good diet wise, or should I say eating wise.  I am refusing to be on a “diet”   I am just eating healthy for me, I am not dieting anymore.  Diets just set you up to fall…

I did a very brave thing today.  I stood in front of a full length mirror naked, yup you heard me right…bucked assed naked.  Now that is a very, very brave thing for me….I looked and looked and looked and tried so hard to find something about my body that I liked.  I found a few:  my hair, my eyes, my shoulders….everything else not so much

I have this horrid scar from my breast bone to my pubic bone that twists and pulls my stomach into some alien looking blob.  My breast are at constant low beam, which could be useful if I had little lights in them and then I could light a pathway when I walk :)    My thighs, OMG, my thighs, I cannot even go there…..

I have a question????   Why in hell if they can do lung, heart, etc transplants can they not take my brain and transplant it into say Cameron Diaz’s body????     HUH?  Sounds damn good to me…

But okay…this can be fixed.  The scar will fade in time, and I can work on the abs with my yoga, and my Wii.  The thighs can be improved with my running and yoga.  I will never be 25 again (wouldn’t want to be)  and my boobs can be lifted if I so desire.  I will never be a tight hardbody, I am a 50 year old grandma-and damn proud of it-but I can be a better ME.    So that is what I will work at, being a better ME.    I will never have long gorgeous legs, but I can have fit and toned legs.  I will never have a swan neck, but I can get rid of my double chin.  I will never be as young looking as I was when I was 25, but I can be damn hot at 50.   I can be……I will be…..

Posted on January 5th, 2009 by islandgrl
Filed under: General | 2 Comments »

And I am so glad it is the New Year, cause it is time for the NEW ME.   Time to quit with the excuses and quit with the over eating and snacking, and time to quit being so fuckin lazy.

Like Anngirl, I am 30 pounds heavier than this time last year…. 30 fricken pounds, yup well there is no denying that my mouth works.

Now, I quit smoking three years ago, just cold turkey, no prob….why cannot I seem to get a hold of my over eating?   Yes it is an addiction, I am aware of that, yes, it is emotional, I am aware of that….

Okay, if I am so fucking aware, why the hell do I still stuff my face at every opportunity?

I don’t believe in NYE resolutions, cause I think they set you up to fail, so instead of a resolution and I am just going to fricken do IT!

Like Anngirl, no more fad diets, no more starving myself.  Just good old calorie counting and writing down what I eat.  No more sugars or treats.  Will not reward myself with food, that is not a reward that is a set back….how about some nice cloths that don’t look like burlap sack???  That is a good reward.

Three meals a day, no skipping breakfast…lay off the fucking sugar…

I am probably one of the strongest women I know and I fail at this each and every time….well it is time to pull up the big girl panties and GROW UP.   No one can do this but me, no one….it is all up to me.

DH got me a Wii fit for Christmas and it is so fun.  I am doing aerobics, yoga and balance exercises every day.  And that thing can whip my butt.  I am only doing it on my days off and only for 45 mins a day so far.  Of course I am also still playing tennis and baseball on it as well and that works up a good sweat in itsels.  I am also going to start running on my days off again.  Goal for that is Monday.

So I have some good goals, and good intentions.  I am going to blog more regular and basically quit being such a lazy ass…

May 2009 be the year we all make the goals we have set for ourselves.  I am thankfully for each and everyone of you…..

Posted on January 1st, 2009 by islandgrl
Filed under: General | 3 Comments »

Well needless to say, I feel like a total beached whale, and look like one as well.

The diet has been the shits, or to quote my dear hubby, “i am on a c food diet, I c food and I eat it”

My cloths are tight, it is like sausage casing when I try them on.   I look in the mirror and fuck yeah the double chin is back, the rolls on the waist are there in all their glory and the hips!!  well lets not even talk about the hips..

WTF, I was doing so well and then BAM….

I have not exercised in weeks, not even running.  I am stuffing my face like tomorrow there is going to be a ban on food.

I went shopping yesterday to try and get some Christmas gifts and I saw a cute pair of capris so I tried them on and WTF……14s must have shrunk cause they sure did not fit me anymore.  And I used to wear a 12.

it is time to get this in control because no one can do it for me.  Why the obsession with food, I mean there are a lot more important things in life aren’t there?  How fuckin foolish is it to be a loser when it comes to diet.  I don’t understand how I can be so vain and let my body go to pot.  I am a fanatic with my skin, my hair has to look good, hide those wrinkles with botox, cover the grays, but let my ass look like a fricken overstuffed feather pillow…..one on each side.

I have been eating this week horrible.  It is stress and comfort eating and I know it but even knowing it is not stopping it.   I had to work 36 hours straight on the weekend cause my relief never showed up, she was sick again.  Then to cap it all of I had two pediatric codes….one was 3 months old and the other 17 days.  Neither of them made it

But even that is not what has put 25 fucking pounds back on this old body, it is ME ME ME that has done it.  Me and my love of food.  and the worst pair is half the time it doesn’t even taste as good as I think it should….

I need my damn jaw wired shut…..

Posted on December 11th, 2008 by islandgrl
Filed under: General | 4 Comments »

I have a love/hate relationship with salt.  I love it, and it hates me….   I never add salt when I cook, but it seems like all the foods I like are high in sodium.  Even foods I had no idea were high in sodium and sky high.

Take for example.  I love siamin.  It is a Hawaiian kine noodle soup and it is wonderful.  But not only is it about 500 calories a bowl, it has probably 2 days worth of sodium.  And MSG to boot.

So I try to stay away from my siamin.  And fat..the fat in some meals in horrid and one would never think it.

How have I become a wiz with knowing my salt and fat intake.  I am on myfooddiary.com and I have to record every morsel that I put in my body.  And so far i keep getting red frowny faces for too much fat or salt.  And that is with keeping my calories to around 1200 a day. 

Here is what I cannot eat anymore:  ceasar salad-fat; siamin-salt & fat; McDonald’s vanilla flavored iced coffee-fat; bologna-fat & salt; Oh Yeah protein bars-fat…..and the list goes on.   So I have tried to eliminate whites from my diet:  white bread, potatoes, white rice etc, and now I have to get rid of the FAT & SALT. 

I hate bland food, I love iced coffee.  So now I am making my own iced coffee with sugar free flavor and skim milk..not as good but low fat.  I am trying really hard to stay away from pasta and siamin.  I love a good bologna sandwich, but guess what????  Bologna has 60 calories in one slice and that is if you use chicken bologna and if you use one slice…now a one slice bologna sandwich is unheard of.  I need at least 5 slices, so now my sandwich has turned into a 300+ calorie meal and that is not including the bread..WTF

Sigh…

I dunno, maybe it is better to be fat….NO.   I will continue on and will avoid the BAD foods.  Meanwhile I watch all the skinnys eating whatever the fuck they want, to hell with the fat and salt content.  Not fair…sigh

As I sit here with my muffin top and lard ass…my thighs bigger than most celebrities asses, my boobs looking like tube socks…sigh

I hate being fat.  I hate having to diet.  I hate feeling like I am missing something…sigh

Shit…sigh

Posted on November 13th, 2008 by islandgrl
Filed under: General | 5 Comments »