One step forward, two steps back…
I have some good days and then some bad days. I just wish I understand or knew what causes the bad days.
I will be so good, sticking to my sensible eating and exercise and then for some reason…all reason disappears, and I start stuffing my face.
I am probably now heavier than I have ever been, tipping the scales at a flabby and ugly 207. Now some of that is water weight….how do I know that?? Well I just spent an hour with my doctor and he is worried about the swelling of my hands and ankles. He feels I am having problems with fluid retention….sure I am…I am also addicted to fucking salt. I never knew I was consuming that much salt, but now I am reading labels like crazy. I use myfooddiary.com and boy have I been using the salt according the my diary. Things that I didn’t even realize had salt in them, like my “harmless” chicken dogs that are suppose to be so much better than beef or pork…NOT….pure fricken salt!
He is also worried a bit about this damn rash I have on my chest and back that has been there for about 6 months, add that with sore and swollen hands, so he is making me do a fasting blood sugar exam in the morning to rule out rheumatoid arthritis or some other autoimmune disease.
I don’t really feel I have either, I am just fat, and unhealthy.
So tonight I am at work and not eating a fucking thing, just water for my blood work in the am. And you know what??? I am doing it without any problems, so why do I usually have to stuff myself?
My appetite is just out of control. I have noticed that I don’t even wait to eat until I am hungry. I just stuff away, and keep stuffing way after I am “full”
Someone please buy me a bullet………
Posted on January 17th, 2009 by islandgrl
Filed under: General
Oh, honey - things always feel worse when we’re sick. I know I’ve been a real witch around here for the past week. Went to the doctor (which I avoid like the plague) and ended up with a treasure trove of antibiotics. steroids (huh?) codeine cough syrup for nighttime, and OTC Mucinex to dry me up without sending my blood pressure through the roof, which is what I had apparently been doing with my OTC “severe cold symptoms” concoctions. Still, I wasn’t able to get to sleep without a couple of hours of coughing my lungs up until last night, when I finally got some rest. But DH is now getting on my LAST nerve - so if it isn’t ONE thing, it’s another. I wish I could give you a muffin - but, seriously, despite all the fiber and good stuff in them, I betcha just one is somewhere around 700-800 calories. Blah. I say resume in February, and let it all hang out for the rest of this month. I hope you’re getting better, sweetie. I know you are wanting to lose some weight and all, but you haven’t got all THAT much to take off, compared to some, you know? Once you’re really ready, you’ll get it off.
Feel better, okay?
Hugs,
Z
I do the same thing. I dunno eating makes me feel good. I am sure once you get rid of all that fluid you will drop some poundage! So don’t beat yourself up! Salt I love it too. Too bad salt substitutes suck! You;ll get your groove back on. You always do! Head high and just keep marching forward! Hugs!
Nope - no bullet for you sweets - rather a giant hug because goodness knows - we’ve ALL been there - but it’s the moving forward that you’re doing and THATS what counts.
No worries hon - tomorrow.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxo
keep us updated on the MD results ok?