Losin it in Paradise

Another day another blog.  Today I decided that I am fat, not fluffy, not plump, not round, I am fat.  And that is okay because I can do something about that.  I have been making excuses as to why I cannot stick to a diet, remember there is not such thing as cannot, only will not :)  I have been remiss and lazy.  I have a love/hate relationship with food, and I am allowing it to control who I am and how I feel.  If I am a pound up, I get depressed and critical, if I am a pound down, I am elated and joyful………..WTF?   Who am I trying to fool, only fools and that would be me :)  So no more excuse, if I CHOOSE to eat and to cheat, then it was a choice made by me for me, no one forced that cake down my gullet, I did it, and I will face the concequences of my actions.  I will hold myself responsible……….

Now that being said :)   My DH is quitting his job.  As you know he works from home.  He manages an auto body shop in Honolulu.  All done via internet, telephone etc.  He worked for the same company when we lived in Oahu, and just stayed with them when we moved to Kauai.   I hate him working from home, not that he doesn’t work, but I feel he has become a recluse.  My DH has a tendancy to be withdrawn and does not make friends easily but it is worse since we moved here.  We have been in Kauai for 2 1/2 years, and he know not one single soul.  I am it, the sole source of intertainment and joy that he knows.  This places a heavy burden on me, not to mention, he surely must get lonely even thou he always tells me he isn’t.   I also do not like his boss, I feel he takes advantage of my DH.  He has not given him one raise in the 4 years he has worked for him.  He keeps promising but never delivers.  Now the final insult, he called DH on Friday and told him he was now making my DH’s secretary the manager!!!!!!!!!!  WTF.  He said that he would still have all the same responsibilities and duties, that he would have the same authority etc, but that he was making her the manager because she is in Oahu.  She has been there since May, it is the 6 secretary in 4 years!  Her attendance is awful.  BUT, now he is telling my DH that there will be no raise again because he had to give her a raise as she is the manager!!!!   BULL FUCKING SHIT!!   I blew a gasket when I heard this, not at my DH but in my head, if I could have gotten my hands on this man I would have ripped him to shreds for this slap in the face to my DH.  No way did he or does he deserve this, he has busted his ass for this man, taken 0 days off even when my family was here, tied himself to the office and computer working long after everyone else was gone for what??   So when he told me he was quitting, I was glad.  Scared but glad.  I wish he could have found another job first cause it put a lot of financial burden on me, not that he brought much into the house to begin with but when you have a 3000 dollar a month mortgage anytthing helps.  But I will support him on this both financially and emotionally cause he needs me too.  I don’t think he will have problems finding a job, BUT now his fookin motor in his truck went.  We don’t know why, it is a new rebuilt motor, so now more money.  The good thing is he can fix anything.  He can build anything, if it is mechanical he can fix it, so he will be able to fix this without having to pay a mechanic but of course there are all the parts.  Oh well, he needs a vehicle to work, and find work, so be it.

Okay, breathe…..

Top that on the 64 hour work week I am just getting thru, the fact that I don’t feel well, I think I am handling this very well.

I am sitting in front of my computer naked (not literally) as I have taken my emotional clothes off………….breathe….in and out……..slowly………..breathe…………..

Posted on September 10th, 2007 by islandgrl
Filed under: General