Losin it in Paradise

If you want to do something you’ll find a way. If you don’t want to, you’ll find an excuse.” -source unknown

As you can read by tonight’s title, I decided to talk to a doc.  Being a nurse of course I don’t have a family doctor.  I just usually grab whatever hospitalist or ER doc that is on duty if I have a problem.  And of course I know which are the good docs and which ones I would die before ever going to them

I CANNOT STAY AWAY FROM FOOKIN SWEETS.  THE SWEETER THE BETTER, THE GOOEY JUNK, ALL THE BETTER.

I do so well all day and then hit the floors and the entire fookin hospital is filled with junk!  No wonder 90% of nurses are obese.    No wonder we have more bariatric surgery than the general public.  Because we eat junk!  The more junk the better………..sheesh!

So this morning before I left work, I talked to one of the ER doctors and had him write me a script for Pentermine.  I did a lot of research on it and wanted to try it.  I was a bit leery of the side effects but thought I would try.

Tonight I took my first pill and will be happy to report no side effects :)  A bit of a dry mouth maybe but no heart palpitations, no rapid heart rate….nada.   I used to take ephedrine and boy that would make me shake and feel like my heart would come out of my chest, but you could really lose weight on it.   Damn FDA!

I was reading a blog tonight about words, and how they can hurt.  Worse when it is someone you care about saying those words.

I remember my ex (the love of my life) and I driving down the highway and talking.  I loved him so much.  I remember looking at him and telling him how much I loved him and how I was so attracted to him even after all these years.  He looked at me and said, “I am sorry, I dont feel that way about you at all anymore.”  OMG, I thought I would die.

He of course immediatley tried to say if was not how he meant it and that he did love me etc etc etc.  But I never forgot those words, even now after I have not even seen him in over 10 years.  I remember them so well.  And we stayed together for two more years after that, two years of my loving him so much and him cheating on me all the time.  Another story another blog for some other day………

Even now when I think of those words my heart hurts.  He was my life my world, and he tore me apart with those words.   But I stilled loved him…

I walked out of the house, one day after my birthday 10 years ago after I found a video.  I took the cloths on my back and left.  I have never been back.  I left the country of my birth and never looked back.  I left my friends, my home, my job, my whole world.  I had no money, no home, no vehicle, nothing, but I never looked back.  I never spoke with him again, or ever saw him again.  I thought I would die, I prayed for death, but now I know how strong I am, how I can survive anything.  I will never love like that again.  I will never allow myself to love like that again. 

Whew, talk about opening up old wounds.   Somethings are better left buried.

Posted on June 29th, 2007 by islandgrl
Filed under: General