song of the road

Have eaten relatively well today. No exercise.

Breakfast - protein shake made with zero carb protein and milk

Lunch - 3 chapati + paneer curry + coriander chutney (all home made - not oil free)

snacks - a bowl of pineapple + about 15 roasted peanuts (so few because I took them from someone else)

Dinner - veg sandwich from cafetaria (not tasty - had butter and cheese) - improvement needed + 1 small candy (needless - didn’t have a craving too, only because it was a birthday sweet, couldn’t refuse)

apart from this - 3-4 sugarfree chewing gum, 4 cups of black tea, 2 liters of water.

(Late night update - it’s 3:15 am now. I am up with hunger.)

Please please let me be able to stay on track.

According to my scale - 170 lb (it is not accurate). However I can hopefully do relative measurement. The goal would need to be about 130 lb on this scale.

It was a holiday today. Lots of lazing around. Read Cujo by Stephen King. It is quite good. Not that scary. Or I will know later tonight.

Food-wise it was mixed. In the breakfast had south Indian pancakes (dosa) made of cream of wheat (I think), rice flour, wheat flour, plain yogurt, sprinkling of ginger and green chillies. Came out quite well actually. All of us had some. I had three. Lunch was rice and vegetables. Not terribly healthy. However all home cooked, so kind of okay. Had a bowl of pineapple, a small glass of orange juice, a small bowl of pro-biotic sugar-free ice cream (really bad taste) in the evening. Will have a couple more of these pancakes for dinner. Eating quite a lot actually.

I need to plan more. It’s just that I have such a rebellious attitude towards doing anything disciplined and good. Well - not anything. Seem to manage reasonably well at work. Even maintaining a time log at work to meticulously manage my time. However food and exercise seem to defeat me without a fight at all. I was looking at my progress page here. It almost makes me cry. It’s so much effort gone down the drain. I have gained so much more. I would now need to lose at least 22 kgs, whereas I was about 8 kgs away from the same goal. R is the excuse? But now? Time enough to get a hold on.

I do not really know. I seem to be doing some short burst efforts on and off. Unless I can change something basic in me, is it any good? I mean trouble and stress would always be there. Must I eat to relieve that stress always. Or I would need to plan in military precision to have only good things to eat around.

Perhaps I should go to a dietitian now. Nowadays the diets are quite balanced for most part. They should be do-able. And exercise. Should I take that break for a few weeks and clear my head a bit? I feel so tense and feel that time is running out so badly. Well it is and it is not. I need some kind of a sane sustainable approach which also lets me have my current lifestyle. Do-able?

Let’s see. Let me try a food plan for the week. Will be back later.

love,

iniya