song of the road

I am at work. Generally I dont blog from here at all. But I came to work with a foul mood. Mostly my fault. For one thing, I managed to forget that I would be taking a couple of important interviews and also I will be meeting some business users. That is a lot to forget, isn’t it? When I was getting ready for work in the morning, I was tired and stressed and feeling very blah. Instead of dressing well, I wore something comfy as today is dressing casual (jeans allowed) day. Now I don’t feel comfy but sloppy.

On top of this, I don’t know why, on the way to work, I kept on visualizing some worst case scenarios at work. They are quite unfounded. Another guy may join our organization who has about 6 months more experience than me. But his experience is of better quality than me. And when I joined this organization, I kind of brought unique capabilities to the table. So I get noticed and consulted often. It does bring on overwork too, but that’s okay for now. Also this new guy is going to be paid much more than I am. Though in the recession scenario, being overpriced is not a such good idea. Anyway, all this muddled thoughts later, what I am trying to say is that I am feeling quite insecure. When I had interviewed him, I had actually liked him. So can’t really blame others when they sound excited about him. I have even once brought this insecurity up to my boss and he does seem very comfortable with the way I am performing. I am getting on well with my juniors. But still somehow I am a bit jealous and insecure. There is always “Vivek this” and “Vivek that” and “when Vivek joins..”. Oh ok, this new guy is called Vivek. So what I actually need to do is swallow the whole thing and keep my focus on work. There will always be guys who would be better than me. I am intelligent and hard working and honest and all that and I know I am going to do very well, but cant shake off this bad feeling. I am generally not like this. I dont know why this guy (who is not even here yet) is rubbing me up the wrong way. Now that he is coming down for an in person interview today, I had to come to work dressed sloppily. Bad mistake!!!

I need to be more organized. The stakes are considerably higher now and I need to pull up my socks. I am doing quite well generally. But there are days like today (not many yet), when I feel inadequate and a bit blue.

So I came to google reader and read posts from you guys. It made me feel so much better. All I needed were a few friendly voices. So thank you all for being here. Ruby and Soclose, please please please come back. I am going to square my shoulders and face the day. Still, why did I wear this stupid T-shirt today!!! I will let you know how I survive the day. There are those business users there too. But there I will get a second chance and hopefully my designation will pull me through.

Thank you all so so very much for the lovely thoughtful kind comments. It makes my day when you reach out to me. Which I am not reciprocating so much. I have some presentations to make over this weekend. But I will find some time to visit each of your blogs and leave a bit of me there. My bro and sis-in-law have gone to Goa for a small break. Oh there is another good news there. No she is not pregnant. But my brother has found a much better job. His current job was paying well but the employers were quite unethical in the way they do business. It was causing a lot of grief and tension for dear brother. So hopefully things will look up for him now. Plus his work place is going to be rather near mine. maybe we will some time catch up during lunch. Also I need to finalize and join a gym this weekend.

I do realize my thoughts and consequently this post has been really jumbled. But if you have reached so far still, thank you. I love you all and see you here soon.