Status Update :)
All is not well in Iniville. : ) I am sinking and swimming. Am I like that piece of cork which won’t go down in a rocking sea? I feel like a odd shaped rusted machine which is sinking fast but something in it pushing it up again and again. Maybe there are some things to do yet.
First the bad news. I had another break down on Thursday. My mom wanted me to meet a new guy. Yeah, never ends. : ) Somehow I lost my cool big time. I told her I was not going to do it. Then she had a sad face. So I tried to explain it. She asked me to do it this one last time. True she had sort of promised she won’t look for guys any more. But this guy got referred to her without any effort on her part. She has already said yes to the guy etc etc.. By evening after a few rounds of explanations and a few hours of explanations, I lost my cool and yelled. She got very upset and scared. After both of us talking to my brother on phone alternately for two hours, we all kind of cooled down. I agreed to meet the guy.
My mom had full blown schizophrenic attacks twice. So we try not to upset her too much. This time she was very scared. It was not so much that I didn’t want to meet a guy but that I was not going to work so often and had a good chance of losing the job. She kept on saying that I was not behaving naturally. Maybe I wasn’t. So I agreed to see the doctor again. Also we discussed about taking a break for a month or two. I said I have money enough to last me a year. My brother asked me not to worry and he will chip in from his salary plus dad’s fund, if needed That’s end of drama on Thursday.
Friday I wrote to my boss that I needed to talk to him on Monday. I couldn’t do much on study front but stayed home and cooled down a lot. But still had headaches and an overwhelming anxiety. My brother called and asked me to call him as much as I needed and be as clingy and needy as I wanted to. I felt bad about being such a liability family to him. He said not to worry as he would create a spreadsheet about his electronic requirements which I can keep buying once I am fully on my feet. : )
I saw my doctor on Saturday. He increased the medication a bit which is helping. Also I need more physical activities. He says it would take a while to go away. Meanwhile I should try to negotiate or avoid stressful situations.
Now the good news. I talked with my boss today. Fortunately for me, he immediately agreed to let me work from home for one and a half month. So I should be working from home starting this Wednesday. We are still waiting on HR approval of this. But I am hoping that that won’t go wrong. The luck has to turn some where, isn’t it? So my dear R would be taking up as acting lead from me. Funnily enough, he had been to US twice from this company. Each time I was scheduled to go and didn’t go. I am again supposed to visit US this year and I am hoping to leave here before that. As we are supposed to stay for a year after a client visit or pay severe financial penalty. Looks like in many ways I am lucky for R. : ) I am not grudging this. My boss is generally not always so nice but he is letting me work from home to avoid revenue loss. But to be fair, he has been nice to me for most part. Hopefully I would be able to utilize this time to get better and study some.
Well. That’s the end of my status update. : ) I will be back soon to catch up with you all. Love you ladies.
PS I was supposed to meet that new guy on Sunday. Apparently he is too busy and so begged off. I loved this piece of good luck. 
My mom keeps saying, I will rue this later and ther won’t be anything to do. But for right now, I just need bare survival.
soclose said,
March 24, 2008 @ 10:51 am
Oh, Ini, I’m so sorry this happened. If she had respected your wishes (as she SHOULD have) none of this upset would have happened. Can your brother make her see what damage she is doing to you? I know that it’s cultural and she “means well”…….but the lengths she going to!!!! She HAD to know this would not be received well by you. And to accuse you of not “behaving naturally” —-how insulting!!!!! More like she’s mad she can’t manipulate you. It seems that just as soon as you get a bit of balance, someone is only too ready to pull the rug out from under you. Is there any way you can get some distance from her (and some peace); ship her to visit your brother for a few months or something?
lynard said,
March 24, 2008 @ 12:46 pm
Those are my thoughts too. You need some healthy distance from your mother. Can you go and stay with your brother? Is there someone you can go and talk to about all of this? I’m glad that your boss was agreaable to your working from home for now. Please take care of your self.
Lyn
rubyjean said,
March 25, 2008 @ 9:25 am
Ini, I know how it is to have an old school mother living with you and being a big part of your life. It is very hard to explain how much a part of your life this is, how it shapes you and how impossible it is to change. I know you love your mom, and she adores you, I’m sure. Hang in there, honey. Your brother is a gem, and he has a wicked sense of humour, I see! Working from home will give you the distance and a mental rest from having to gear yourself up every day to face the office, but I hope you plan some little thing that gets you up and out of the house every day. Something only for you, to maintain your sense of self - think of it as a little challenge for each day. I went to a naturopathic doctor last year, hoping to change my life somehow. It didn’t work out as I planned, (and was so expensive). Here’s the distilled version of what I got for my $290: if you cannot exercise every day, follow (at least) this 10/10/10 rule: do 10 sit ups, 10 jumping jacks and 10 push-ups. OY! I think that last one was push ups!
Love,
RubyJean
anngirl said,
March 26, 2008 @ 10:52 pm
Ms. Iniya - I’m glad the winds of change are heading in your direction. I love the working from home thing and have my fingers crossed that it will happen. Now this means you’ll be with your mom…. but it’s gotta be better than work right? I’m also glad the universe spared you from meeting someone when you’re not at that point in your life right now.
I’m wishing you the best - I know you’ll come out on top
xoxoxo
p.s. glad the meds are working better too
You’re right - for this moment you’re in survival mode - but this will pass soon.
round said,
March 29, 2008 @ 10:10 am
I’m working on getting back on track & stopping by a to see a few old friends to say hi…
Sorry to hear you’ve been struggling recently but glad to see you’re doing better than me. Working from home sounds like a good solution.
I liked the dream post, it was extremely well written and captivating. You have a real gift w writing.