song of the road

Life kicked me a little today morning. In the big scheme of things, it is not such a big deal. But it is hurting.

A thief came in my house today morning. My sleep got a little thin. Then there was a small sound. I turned towards the living room window which can be seen from my bed. I thoutght one of the wondow panes banged because of wind. A few moments later saw the silhoutte of a man for a moment on the curtain. I thought it might be a tree or something else which looked like a man for a minute. I didn’t bother. And then I saw again a guy who climbed on the window sill and could be clearly seen through the curtain. I shouted “hello” and the guy ran away. I was still sleepy enough and thought it was silly of the guy to climb on the window. I was thinking he was trying to go on the roof and there is nothing except for two big water tanks on the roof.

Surprisingly enough I wasn’t scared at all. Then after a few minutes, I simply got up to go to the bathroom which is in my mother’s bedroom on the other side of the living room. There is one connecting to the living room too, but we hardly use that. Then I saw there a long stick inside the living room. That guy was clearly trying to pull my office bag which was left on a sofa about five feet from the window. The bag had fallen from the stick and that made the sound. Maybe he was trying to pick it up again. For once it helped that my bag is generally quite heavy. I was a little upset now. I righted the bag and took it far from that window.

I came back to my room to check the time. I almost always sleep with my cell phone beside my pillow. I use it as a clock too. It has my morning alarm. I then noticed it is not there. I could clearly remember that I had put it on the bed. The small clock on my table said 5:30 am. I checked a few other places and then used another cell phone to ring it up. There was no ringing inside the home and the call was cut at the other end soon enough.

So that is it. My ultra expensive cell phone which I haven’t yet used for 4 months, which I am yet to pay fully for is gone. I have never lost a phone before. Because this one was so expensive, I actually was much more careful than usual. I loved the phone. My brother had chosen that one for me. It is my half month’s pay.

I have to call up banks and everywhere to update my contact number. I have another cell phone given to me by work. I wasn’t using that as my primary phone. Now I will. It was a bit of an envy around here. Lots of people told me I shouldn’t have bought such a costly one. I have to face people and narrate the story many times through out the day and maybe this week.

I had many negative thoughts in the past couple of months. I wanted bad things to happen to R. Well, half of it happened anyway. Bad things did happen, only to me instead of him. Most of the times, I am feeling it is okay. These things happen to everyone. I am stronger than this. But still I feel sad. That guy picked it up from in front my nose while I slept on. I should have noticed that things on the bed are that accessible from outside. The open 3rd floor house with a big terrace has its problems too.

My mom is very upset. I was feeling stronger when I was with her. Maybe her just being there made me feel safer and more okay. I called my brother. He consoled my mom and me a bit too. He wants to buy me another phone now. :) I talked him out of it. But now at work, I am sitting alone as others will come slowly a little later, I feel vulnerable.

Not much point dwelling on that, I guess. To move on, I have decided that I would take a break from gym and study a couple of hours everyday morning for the certification. I need to talk to S on that. I have paid a lot of money in the gym, as membership fees till August. I hoe they won’t charge me while I am on a break. Or that is another loss looming up.

I am feeling a bit shaken. I am telling myself these things are accidents. But are they? If bad things are happening consecutively to me, it must be something in me! I am too naive!!! Maybe R is doing something right and I am doing something wrong. I know these things happen and I shouldn’t let myself change too much because of it. I don’t want to be too cynical and suspicious and scared. But it hard this morning.

Also on my sane level, I know that this could happen to anyone. I have known of bikes getting stolen and more. But one small voice is saying maybe it won’t be easy to spend the long life alone. Today I have my brother to call up. Who knows what will happen tomorrow? Maybe there won’t be anyone there. I believe that people are resilient and I know I am and I will figure out a way of survival but I am scared today.

Sorry to dump so much on you guys! I am a bit full of self-pity today. Love you all.