song of the road

Today is the day R is going home on his 3 weeks vacation to get married. It reminds me a bit of the day about 3 months back when he was going home to talk about us. I went to drop him in my car. Coincidentally a song was playing in my car, ruing about one’s lost love. He said he was going to make it work with his parents and the song was inappropriate and I remember changing it. Well, whatever!

I am doing kind of okay. Resisted the mild urge of not coming to work. Actually having my mom with me helps (of course it helps in many many other ways too). Rather than explaining and making her more worried, I felt it was easier to face it at work. Anyway it’s another 3 more hours before he leaves for the airport. I have passed time till now by going through one of my project management training programs in a computer away from my desk. Now I am back. Can see his beautiful marraige invitations in the hands of my co-workers. Thankfully he is getting married so far away, no one can attend. I think there will be a party here later on, which I will have to bunk and will need to lie considerably to pull that off. The invitation is surprisingly beautiful. It is in the form of a scroll and red in color. It looks gorgeous. Surprising how much bigotry is concealed in that gorgeous piece of cloth. Seeing the other girl’s name in the bride’s place stopped my heart for only a moment yesterday. I told myself something bad would happen to them and then the beautiful invitation will mock it more. I know nothing bad would happen and I have to suck it up and move on, but a little bit of fantasy can’t harm, right?

I am telling myself that I need to snap out of my trying to please evreybody attitude a bit. My spine can do with a little more strength too. So hopefully this working in the same office two feet away from R will pour some steel in me. I think I am acting more decisively and more guiltfreely these days.

Also I kept telling myself if I can leave this job, everything will be easier. Now R is going home, I can really test that out. I am giving myself today. But I must be mucho better starting Monday. My work can wait a little bit more. I will try to work. If I can’t at all concentrate, I will do the trainings. But I must be back to more than top speed to start making up from Monday.

Well, what else? I think my blood sugar is up with the eating anything I want and complete lack of exercise. I just have to pick that up from this Monday. I should actually diet a bit too. Let me see how I can incorporate that in. Maybe I can have a couple of fruits only days in a week. I feel like the WW plan would have worked for me. But they don’t have it yet here. So I need to do something creative so I can eat healthy, lose weight and can eat tasty food once in a while. Hopefully it can be done. Because I definitely can’t work out enough to lose weight through that alone.

That is all for now! Wish all of us the very best in each of our personal struggles.