song of the road

One of my better days today.. so far. The Valentine’s day hasn’t got to me yet. I fully plan to not let it either. The sooner I can get away from these daily interactions with R, I would be better off.

I applied for a couple more jobs today. They are not what I am looking for. But I think I will take something a little unsuitable too, just to get over this thing. I would be able to explain it when I again come back on my career main road. Maybe I would not take these, also maybe they won’t call because I am overqualified but the sense of doing something helps a lot. I am going to go full steam on getting ready for the certification. That should help.

Meanwhile I was reading this poem posted on Ms. Bobbie’s site by Veronica A. Shoffstall. It is awesome! These lines made a special impression

and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child

That resonates so strongly. I do want be a strong woman and not a petulant child. Life is tough some times and so enjoyable at other times. Sometimes it is pay back time. I am not going to cry. I don’t know what unconventional route my life will take but I know I will be happy, positive and trusting. I guess because I read so much fiction, I kind of always wanted to be not ordinary. Also I do look for the wrong things at times. I have no problem with being un-ordinary as long as I can live with myself. But that looking for the wrong qualities, I hope I can stop the pattern from repeating. That is my biggest fear and I sometimes despair.

I was thinking about what Ella wrote. I guess it makes me a bit loony too, but I kind of think the same way. I keep obsessing about karma at times. I have even tried to change the course of things by bribing God by doing some charity. Of course that has never worked but whatever little good I did has been done. Like in the Abou Ben Adhem story, I guess I would be the last person in the second list but I want to be in the second list. I guess you all know the poem, but here it is again -

Abou Ben Adhem

Abou Ben Adhem (may his tribe increase!)
Awoke one night from a deep dream of peace,
And saw, within the moonlight in his room,
Making it rich, and like a lily in bloom,
An Angel writing in a book of gold:

Exceeding peace had made Ben Adhem bold,
And to the Presence in the room he said,
“What writest thou?” The Vision raised its head,
And with a look made of all sweet accord
Answered, “The names of those who love the Lord.”

“And is mine one?” said Abou. “Nay, not so,”
Replied the Angel. Abou spoke more low,
But cheerily still; and said, “I pray thee, then,
Write me as one who loves his fellow men.”

The Angel wrote, and vanished. The next night
It came again with a great wakening light,
And showed the names whom love of God had blessed,
And, lo! Ben Adhem’s name led all the rest!

       — James Leigh Hunt

There is nothing more to say after this except that I love you.