song of the road

I am feeling much better today. Though I am feeling physically a little sick. Tired and sore all over. Taking a day off from work. It has helped me a great deal. These days off are becoming a little too many. But I guess it can’t be helped much. I will make up for it.

I am so so thankful for your unstinted love and support. I really feel you holding me, holding my hand. When you all love me so much and are confident of me, I cannot be so bad. I will be a stronger person out of this.

Did make it to gym though. Reasonably well weights training and about half hour of cardio. Eating is still not so good. I ate some unnecessary junk today morning just to stop the restlessness. But had a nap afterwards and feeling good now. I don’t think there is going to be any much bad eating after now.

I was just reading round’s blog. It is a bit like that for me too. I do overeat. Of all the pleasures available to me, food is one of the most important. I also eat a lot while reading. I used to eat junk while working much more earlier. But now my hours are more regular than before and that junk snacking has mostly stopped. Except for sometimes I eat the evening snacks there which is often unhealthy.

The other thing which I feel I cannot work out is that I eat dinner so very very late. In fact everyone eats late here. But I eat late and then almost immediately go to bed because I have to get up early to accomodate the things in my day. The dinner is what mom and I eat together (sometimes I am late even for that). It is very tough to convince to her to eat early and/or remove all complex carbs from dinner. Plus I would also feel hungry because of my this very old habit of eating late dinner. To work it out, I need to eat something a little substantial by 7pm. I would have to carry that food too then. I don’t yet know how I would work out the logistics. There is almost no healthy food available at work. But I am going to give it a thought for a few days and I think I would be able to work out something. I feel if I stop eating just before going to bed, not only would I lose weight but it would help me healthwise too.

Thinking.. thinking…..

Maybe, just maybe, writing it down will help. I have lost all my good feeling. They say the endorphin gives one an opiate-like high. So, is it the inevitable down of a drug, however self generated it is?

I so thought I was doing so well getting over him. Only today morning I was thinking maybe I can forgive as surely that would help me move on. Now I feel like crying. My mind has got into that endless loop of “why? why? why?” and “how could he?”. Feeling like shit. Can’t concentrate on work. This is going on for some time now anyway.

I feel like such a loser.

A toast to us.. May all our current clothes turn unwearably loose by the end of this year!

Towards that, I did make it to gym today as well. Did cardio for solid 1 hour 45 mins. and a little bit of abs, side bends and stretching. On an endorphin high now. But it is so teeth grindingly tough for me to push my body. Also I have managed to go back to 69.5 which was my last plateau weight. I went up by almost a couple of kgs due to my bad moods. Now I can take it from here again. The weight I gain because of a few days’ of stupidity, goes away in few days too. But the result of years and years long of stupidity is not at all easy to erase. But I am on my journey again.

Wish you all  get to have all you want this year.. May all our dreams come true!!