song of the road

I always feel like writing either “Well…” or “Hmmm…” for headings. Does that show the poor quality of my thinking? I guess I need to read up on the art of heading writing.

Yes, the work load is high. Yesterday was a bit worse than usual as something broke and transportation came to a halt for my client. So the working late to fix it up. Thankfully it seems to have worked out fine. I am feeling a teensy bit headachy today. I think that may be due to the slightly less sleep and the medication. But I must get started on exercising.

I need to do much better both exercising and eating wise. My problem is that I lack focus. I need to actually think about this all the time and control myself. I am not doing that. I am thinking about work, relationship (much much less now) and other things much more than eating right and exercising well. Also I forget to try to meditate every night. I forget to put my creams on every night. I need to manage myself better. When I read you all here, I make up my mind to be better and then I forget. Work will have to take some thought for me to stay on top of it but the rest of the thoughts and visualizations must be spent on me getting better.

I am not so stressed now either. Though I am still talking to guys once in a while that my mom lines up. There was a guy recently whom I liked a bit on the first thought. Though he lives in US which is where I have to migrate if things work out. That is not good. I am very comfortable here. Anyway after that first conversation, no more of him and quite likely that I won’t hear from him any more. Which is okay. But I wish I did not have to spend even the few days’ thoughts on him. But I guess this is how it is and I am glad I am feeling so much better than before. Nowaday I can almost always chase away blue thoughts by just telling me “don’t you go there”. And touch wood. Hope I stay okay.

Also there is this new conutry manager at work who is shaking up things a bit. I don’t think that is bad. Plus I don’t think I have anything to fear as I do work hard and well. I used to be the assistant editor of the company newsletter.  But we got too busy with our project wrok load and I opted out. The editor-then didn’t let me go. He asked me to do less as I was busy and we decided that another girl on the team would do the coordinating. Bringing out a newsletter is far less literary than plain organization. This girl said yes but she is a bit scattered. The newsletter never again came out. Now I hear that without even asking me, I have been made the head of the newsletter team. So I can soon hope to stand in front of the new country manager and explain why the newsletter is not coming up. I think the person who was the head earlier would back me up a bit though I do suspect I am going to be pushed forward alone for explanations. Anyway I had made a list of my tasks in bringing out a newsletter earlier for training new members and will produce that as proof of why I can’t do programming, leading a team and bringing out a newsletter together. I must be strong and must not say yes to more than I can humanly do. Else I would be stressed and guilty forever. They will tell me I should do less and delegate more and must do my project work and manage by working only a little extra. And then there would be suggestions coming in constantly to make the newsletter as interesting as “Cosmopolitan” or something. I would drown if I say yes. Only thing I loved bringing out the newsletter, I loved it so. But it all can’t be done.

Well, I am going to focus more on health and keep doing one thing a day that I am scared of. Lots of love going out to all of you. Reading you keeps me grounded.