Comments on: Some year end thinking http://www.3fatchicks.com/diet-blogs/iniya/2007/12/27/some-year-end-thinking/ A woman looking for herself Fri, 25 May 2012 00:22:28 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5.1 By: round http://www.3fatchicks.com/diet-blogs/iniya/2007/12/27/some-year-end-thinking/#comment-147 round Thu, 27 Dec 2007 09:36:31 +0000 http://www.3fatchicks.com/diet-blogs/iniya/2007/12/27/some-year-end-thinking/#comment-147 I also wanted to say something about another round of meeting men. I'm not clear from your posts what is your own attitude towards finding a husband. I know your mother wants if for you, but is it a top objective of your own? I know in your culture being a single independent girl is viewed differently than in the US & Europe. If you want this for yourself, I recommend you approach it a bit like a numbers game - the right guy is out there, but hard to find amidst all the jungle of not-so-great guys. The problem is on the surface they all look okay and they all look seriously flawed. It's only by spending some time with them that you'll be able to identify the ones worth keeping from the others, so each date "counts". When I decided to look for love this was my approach : To find the right guy you might have to meet 100, or more. Okay, well, I'll start with a smaller number, let's say meet 20 people this year. Next, how will I know it's worth pursuing? Time. So I need to give the guys a chance. Objective : at least 2 dates with most of the guys. Afterwards I can cut them loose, but I need to feel I gave a real effort. (I broke this rule for a few when on the first date it was clear there was NO WAY). But there were one or two others who I liked better after a few dates than I had on the first meeting. Somewhere in the middle of this process I met my DH. I was casually dating one other guy and had another date with another new guy on my agenda when I met my DH. I broke the date w the new guy, and saw the "other" once between my first and second dates w my DH. After the second date w DH I was hooked, and never went out w anyone else again, way before we ever discussed it. It clicked right away when it was the right person. I do think to find love we need to make an effort, and push outside our comfort zone. I also wanted to say something about another round of meeting men. I’m not clear from your posts what is your own attitude towards finding a husband. I know your mother wants if for you, but is it a top objective of your own? I know in your culture being a single independent girl is viewed differently than in the US & Europe.

If you want this for yourself, I recommend you approach it a bit like a numbers game - the right guy is out there, but hard to find amidst all the jungle of not-so-great guys. The problem is on the surface they all look okay and they all look seriously flawed. It’s only by spending some time with them that you’ll be able to identify the ones worth keeping from the others, so each date “counts”.

When I decided to look for love this was my approach : To find the right guy you might have to meet 100, or more. Okay, well, I’ll start with a smaller number, let’s say meet 20 people this year.

Next, how will I know it’s worth pursuing? Time. So I need to give the guys a chance. Objective : at least 2 dates with most of the guys. Afterwards I can cut them loose, but I need to feel I gave a real effort. (I broke this rule for a few when on the first date it was clear there was NO WAY). But there were one or two others who I liked better after a few dates than I had on the first meeting.

Somewhere in the middle of this process I met my DH. I was casually dating one other guy and had another date with another new guy on my agenda when I met my DH. I broke the date w the new guy, and saw the “other” once between my first and second dates w my DH. After the second date w DH I was hooked, and never went out w anyone else again, way before we ever discussed it. It clicked right away when it was the right person.

I do think to find love we need to make an effort, and push outside our comfort zone.

]]> By: round http://www.3fatchicks.com/diet-blogs/iniya/2007/12/27/some-year-end-thinking/#comment-146 round Thu, 27 Dec 2007 09:26:13 +0000 http://www.3fatchicks.com/diet-blogs/iniya/2007/12/27/some-year-end-thinking/#comment-146 Very good job getting to the gym. It doesnt matter if you didn't do everything - just getting there again is the first step! I used to always finish books and movies but in the past few years I've gotten a different attitude. If it's bad I feel like I'm wasting my time to continue. I got rid of TV as a first step - I wanted only entertainment choices that I actively chose, no passive sitting on the couch whatever-is-on for me. Going TV-free was so liberating, and gave me so much more time! We do have a DVD player & projector, so movies are still game, and we watch 2-3 a week, most nights we read. Very good job getting to the gym. It doesnt matter if you didn’t do everything - just getting there again is the first step!

I used to always finish books and movies but in the past few years I’ve gotten a different attitude. If it’s bad I feel like I’m wasting my time to continue. I got rid of TV as a first step - I wanted only entertainment choices that I actively chose, no passive sitting on the couch whatever-is-on for me. Going TV-free was so liberating, and gave me so much more time! We do have a DVD player & projector, so movies are still game, and we watch 2-3 a week, most nights we read.

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