song of the road

Just thought I would write a quick one.

Well R came back day before yesterday. It is now finally over. That small voice of hope in my heart which was still thinking maybe he would choose me is now silenced (almost!). I knew that this is going to happen. But still it was hard to take. I fell apart a few times last two nights. The late nights make me feel so vulnerable and lonely and scared. But I am okay. I have made vast progress in growing up since my last break up. So I think I would be okay.

Many good things are happening.

One, I have tons of work to do. And fortunately I have lovely (for most part) coworkers (including R). So that is keeping me busy and happy for most part. I couldn’t work and was numb with sadness for a few hours yesterday but the day picked up later and I am in much better shape today.

Two, I am going okay on the exercise front. The tickers are helping. S as usual is fab and fun. My gym is now my biggest sanctuary. It is almost guaranteed good time for the hours I spend there. I just hope there is no plan yet in my fate for S leaving me too. I can handle only so much at once.

Three, some of my girl friends from work were thinking of going to a spa. I am encouraging them to visit a fab spa I went a couple years back. They had yummy massages, facials, skin enhancers, wraps - the whole works. I had tried only one massage last time and it was so divine. I think we will go there on the weekend before christmas. It is bringing a big smile of anticipation on my face.

One the very bad front of course is dealing with the breakup with R. I am trying to stay calm and logical and forgiving as much as possible. But not doing such a great job always. But anyway it has to be done - I have to become okay again and I will get there one way or other.

I sometimes visualize things. Like Soclose said that day, the wheel turns. I agree. I see this huge wheel with me kind of wrapped on the rim and it is turning. The peak of pain is when of course I am at the bottom of that wheel. Now I don’t know if I am going to the bottom or coming out of the bottom.

Then now I see myself mostly in pieces on the the floor. I am picking up the pieces and gluing them back up into me. Only I see that my smile is still dazzling and all intact on the floor.

Well, ini, stop the drama now. Nothing is so bad.

On the not so good front, that new guy who I met on Saturday is turning out to be a bit of a bore. But I am going to be water and be more patient as I am most definitely biased because of the other things in my life now. Hope I can feel more enthusiastic about him soon. He wanted us to go for a movie this Saturady. He expects me to get the tickets which is kinda okay. I had to change my schedule a LOT to be free at the time he wanted. and now the worst - we have to watch a stupid movie I had no intention of watching (not to mention the over-expensive Staurday evening tickets for that movie?? yuck!!!) , just to suit his schedule. I let it go after a mild protest. So I will go this time. Let’s see how the conversation goes there. The future is not looking good on that one, as of now.

Well, that is about it. Time for me to grab my  lunch now.

Everyone have a great great day! You bring light to my life.