November 20
Feeling bit better today. Yesterday I slept on and off throughout the day. Generally I stay up far longer on off days and keep doing something or reading at least. I kept on falling asleep yesterday. I guess it is becoming like the start of a depression. Mom also got worried. 
Watched a few more episodes of M*A*S*H late last evening and that did make me smile.
Anyway, I am back to work today. Skipped gym today and slept still more. I have a slight headache from too much sleep, I think. Or it could be due to the lack of exercise. Need to get back in track soon. Thankfully things at work are not so bad and should be under control.
With my mom’s pushing and nagging, I did agree to chat a bit with a guy, who apparently is planning to get married soon. I didn’t dislike him too much. He earns way more than me and seems to be generally doing very well in life and quite a few of our ideas match too. I might meet him sometime tomorrow.
On one hand, if this thing with the new guy works out - it would be a solution and a huge relief, for at least time being. and if i agree to marriage, i would definitely give it a whole hearted try too. meanwhile what about R? he is trying so hard to get his parents agree to our marriage. though we both know, it won’t work out most probably. and the worst thing is R doesn’t even want me to wait. he knows how much I want to have a kid and so he thinks I should move on if things don’t work out between us.
I am so completely confused. I want to to do the right thing. and hopefully find happiness for me and the folks I care for. and the poor guy who would marry me. then again these are early days. most probably this thing with the new guy would fuizzle out and I would be back in my comfy rut. and I need to stop thinking so much. I will go with the flow and let’s see what happens. If things go wrong, I will just have to pick me up and start fresh.
Food-wise yesterday was okay. I was so feeling so low, i did not feel like eating much. Hopefully I would be okay today as well. Must go back to gym tomorrow. the 3kg loss goal looks not so good now. Must get over all this and go for the weight loss.
I love you all. Have a great day!
round said,
November 20, 2007 @ 6:50 am
I hope you find the guy that sparks you out of a comfy rut. No, actually I hope you get out of a comfy rut and THEN find the guy — better in that order.
You can lose 3 kg, it might not be on your original schedule, but you can do it.
What are you doing to manage your weight nowdays? Are you following a specific diet? Keeping a food journal? Exercising? Let us know how we can help cheer you on!
soclose said,
November 20, 2007 @ 10:32 am
The new guy sounds like an excellent prospect—maybe, just maybe he is meant to be “the one”!!! Hope your meeting went smoothly and you are impressed with him in person. Good luck.
chel said,
November 20, 2007 @ 12:32 pm
I would feel like sleeping too… just to be able to stop thinking about all of that. I’ve found going with the flow is usually the best thing for me to do. Maybe when you meet the new guy you’ll like him more than not disliking him. Go to the gym tomorrow… it will help you feel better.
drittadoll said,
November 20, 2007 @ 1:32 pm
Take care of yourself luv, depression is a nasty little cold sore on life. I get them myself. Hug yourself a lot - dritta
rubyjean said,
November 20, 2007 @ 4:50 pm
When you mentioned meeting a new man, I suddenly remembered how young you are and still free, free, free to choose. If you stay with R. and his parents don’t accept you, you might be in for a lifetime of hardship with them and I couldn’t bear to think of that happening to such a sweet and lovely woman. You know yourself well, and you’re really a very smart person…gradually the mists will part and you’ll find your way. Love, RubyJean
ellabella said,
November 20, 2007 @ 5:23 pm
Remember the water, dear Ini, and go with the flow. I must admit the new man sounds intriguing to me. I know how invested you’ve been in R, but married life can be difficult enough, even when everybody gets along - when you have to deal with all that disapproval from both sides, it can really ruin what might have been a good thing otherwise. It makes me sad that you are sad. I hope you feel better soon.
Love,
E
lynard said,
November 21, 2007 @ 11:08 am
I am sending peaceful vibes your way
L