Behind the Scenes

Battle of the Bulge

I have spent a lifetime repeating the cycle of dieting and gaining weight. Growing up, I had a mother who was very sensitive to weight gain and always compared me to my naturally thin younger sister. My chubby childhood was filled with emotional abuse from my mother and relatives whose “harmless” jibes caused me to have a very little self-esteem about my physical appearance and a very odd relationship with food.

I was always the daughter, relative, friend who had pretty features if ONLY she lost weight. I used to sneak bites of forbidden treats since a very young age, scared I would be caught by my mother. Ashamed of myself, I would often ask my younger sister to “cover me” and say she ate the treat so I wouldn’t get the same lengthly lecture about how people look down on fat people and I will never be happy in my life, fat.

I actually lost weight one summer under my mom’s control of meals and food. It was the summer before I went to college and I lost close to 30 lbs to be around 130 lbs. I walked into college so happy that I finally shed those pounds ready to be the “new me”. Without my mother however, freshman 15 ended up being a 60 lbs gain before college was out. In between, I definitley yo-yo’ed around. I always lost weight the month before I knew I was going home and for the duration I was home. The minute I came back to college I would gain it back and more. This has been a pattern for me for 4 years. Every time I gained weight I would blow it off because I can always lose it later.

Now that I am on my own… I am tired of this pattern. I want to make PERMANENT changes. I don’t want to always be the one taking the pictures because I don’t want to be reminded of my problem. I don’t want to buy pretty clothes for other people secretly imagining myself wearing them.

It’s time to grow up and shed those pounds!

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I am currently 25 year old and living in sunny Florida. I recently moved down with my boyfriend of four years. I’m very excited to start on this lifelong journey