Iconised Ghost’s Fizzy Fizzy Feel Good Blog

Today is the first day of my summer holiday, having finished my last exam yesterday. So of course the first thing i am doing is planning my work out for the next couple of weeks. It’s a little tricky because i am not entirely sure when i am working, but i can be flexiable, swap my rest days around. I have been thinking about what will keep me going since i have done my big hairy audacious goal, the quarter marathon. I realised i dont want to stop running. I enjoy running and i need something to work towards. So i have found a beginner’s half marathon training programme to work on. And when i have finished the ten weeks needed for that i will probably look for a beginner’s whole marathon training programme, or a harder quarter marathon training regime. I am absolutely shocked that i have become a runner. But i like it so much. I have abdominal muscles that i can feel. I have no idea what they are called, but you know those hip muscles that kinda go in a v? I can feel those (of course i cant see them :D  yet). I’ll try and find a pic that would illustrate what i can feel. I could be wrong of course, maybe its just my hip bone XD Hey, im a psychologist, not a biologist XD

Here, have some eye candy in a very poor disguise of illustrating my point:

ok lookie here, see the v-shape muscles? I think i can feel those. Like i said, it may just be my hip bone XD

I’m the book you’ll never write

I’m the promise you made

I’m the podium

I’m fear of failure

I’m a shot at the big time

I’m the dream vacation

I’m a cure for cancer

I’m advertising

I’m the school bully

I’m rejection

I’m endorphines

I’m fame

I’m fitness!

I’m baldness

I’m boredom

I’m your name in lights!

I’m new found confidence

I’m hard cash

I’m joy!

I’m pain

I’m love

I’m loneliness

I’m serotonin

I’m cellulite

I’m super sized fries!

I’m the chip on your shoulder

I’m the fire in your belly!

Ladies and gentlemen, I am your motivation

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4k_5mOKRRo

The Story So Far + Marathon Update

I have been floating around the halfway mark to my first goal for a couple of weeks now so i figure its safe to say that im half way there :broc: My first goal was to lose 20kg (to be down to 143 pounds, or 65kg), since then i have realised i will probably want to lose closer to 30 (to be down to 121 pounds, or 55 kg). So now i am half way towards my first goal

It all started at New Years. Yes, i made a new years resolution, very corney. But this time i was determined. I was going to make a plan, and i was going to do it. I had family over at that time, so i didnt start my weight loss programme until February, when i was able to make a clean start and devote a lot of time and (wo)man power to it

I started out controlling my portions and exercising more. I was horrified at my level of fitness. I set goals for each work out, and at first my goal was just to survive 45mins of exercise, at any pace. I started cycling, running and using the cross trainer at my gym. I remember very distinctly not lasting even half an hour on the cross trainer. It was very upsetting, and the task ahead of me felt enourmous and impossible. Slowly but surely i got more fit, and was able to survive those 45mins. I started setting goals in terms of distances, i wanted to cycle x km each work out, run x km and so on. I gradually built it up from the very bottom, adding about 10m each time, so i became faster and continuously challenged myself.

It hurt! I remember going to a weight lifting class (which i have always loved) and getting the scales afterwards, and wondering how it was [I]possible[/I] that after all that work in the past hour nothing had changed at all! Of course, i knew that was how weight loss worked. But i was still expecting some sort of tiny instant gratification. That idea was rather abruptly snuffed out. The only instant gratification you get is knowing you did an awesome work out that day. You have to be self gratifying

I have a little red hardback notebook i take to the gym with me. In it there is the planned workouts for the week, my goals and my progress. Looking back to the first week i ran 4.78km (2.97 miles) in 48mins. That same week, i only lasted 30mins on the cross trainer.

Last sunday I ran my first adidas auckland quarter marathon. It was 10.55km (6.56 miles), and i said to the organisers my estimated time would be 2 hours. I really aimed to do it in an hour and 30 mins. I got up at 5:30am this morning to get to the start line at 7am. It was cold. At first i found it hard to get into a pace, everyone running past you makes you feel the need to speed up. Eventually i found my pace however and kept going. It was hard going. The second half went pretty quick but the last half hour was hard. Looking for the finish line continuously wears you out. I finally got to the finish, it was so awesome running in the lane with people all around, coming up to the the arch with the big timer clock marking the end.

I saw the timer. It didnt say 1 hour 30 mins.

It said 1:25:22 :D I came 1824th out of 2754 finishers, and was 1065th out of 1793 women

Photographic proof i did it:

Lol i feel so unattractive XD

Sorry about the apparent crappiness of some of the photos- my camera is very flash (sony cybershot ) but i had to use crappy microsoft paint to resize and cut and paste etc. Also sorry about the water marks, im paranoid about people stealing my pictures and using them to sell stuff. Im not sure i can see that much of a difference in the pictures front on, but the side kinda has a difference…

Anyway, the picture on the left of each photo is from February and the one on the right of each photo is from yesterday

And of course, some of me looking stunning in my marathon gear

Today i went to get my watch battery replaced, and while i was waiting i bought some super cute shorts as well, so i’ll post pictures of those when i wear them (when it gets warmer!). The watch was actually broken though

You cannot be crushed. You cannot be broken

You will always rise to the surface

Repeat after me:

‘I am a yellow rubber duck”

When it hurts “I am a yellow rubber duck”

At 17km “I am yellow rubber duck”

When your blisters burst “I am a yellow rubber duck”

When you hit the wall “I am a yellow rubber duck”

When you  complete the marathon “I am a very happy yellow rubber duck”

 Thats the auckland marathon slogan this year. I think its rather cute ^_^ Today i picked up my race pack for my marathon on sunday. I got some nice free stuff, including a poweraid, a bagel, a small moro bar, and of course my top- its bright pink And its a lovely adidas climalite top, with reflective bits. Perfect for wearing after the race for workouts. Its very exciting And i found out where the start line is too so i guess i am just about set. The marathon will mark the half way point of my first goal (because i changed goals half way through >.<), and as such is quite a nice reward for losing 10kg. I should really do some progress pictures, so i’ll probably do some tomorrow and get them up here, plus some of me looking good in my hot pink marathon top

“Gerechtigkeit” means “honesty” in German. Its funny how things sound more impressive in German. Anyway, today, well tomorrow, begins my “Gerechtigkeit” with myself and with my fellow readers. No more of this bullshit snacking in the evenings. Its gotta stop, it was here, it left, and i let it sneak back in. Now its gotta go again, -t will go again. I suppose this is my recommitment to myself, which is good, because my quarter marathon is next sunday and i gotta start thinking about being ready for it. Like, buying some running shorts Or looking at where the start line actually is (my sister was like, dont you need to know where the finish line is? I said i was just going to follow everyone else, and she was like “But what if you’re winning??” Haha, i dont anticipate it being an issue ).

There was something else…oh yeah, the credits for the picture for this post come from a person called nightm4r3 on deviant art. Dont sue me! I just liked it >.< It fits the idea of choice between acknowledging the truth and being happy in ignorance. Ignorance isnt making me happy any more. So i guess i have to take the red pill.

I went back to the gym after about 2 and a half weeks absence. I did my body pumps weight class. It was very good. I also upped my weights possibly not the smartest thing to do after 2 weeks absence though. I thought “what would sterling do?”, divided by two, and then did that So i was up to 5kg on the hardest tracks. I felt proud and sore, and now my arms and legs are falling off. The trainer was saying “this will only last one minute! Just one minute! keep going! well actually, its going to hurt for days. I guess thats what they never tell you …. Keep going!!!” Arrr the exquisite pain

Isn’t that phrase a funny one? She’s actually “lost” a lot of weight. I havent lost a lot of weight at all. None of it has disappeared into thin air, lost like my keys, fork, bus pass, memory stick, or assignment. No, none of it has been lost. I know exactly where its gone. It’s left on the floor of my gym, in the foods i have passed up, on the streets i pound down to burn those few extra calories, the streets i run down to catch that bus that’s leaving me behind. I havent lost any weight at all, i’ve fought off every kilo.

I’ve had a very “meh” time lately. When things have going very nicely with little in put from you, and then you come back to reality, you have a “meh” time. My meh times are accompanied by apathy and mild depression, in which i dont want to talk to anyone about my struggles, i dont want to think about how hard it is now and how easy it was for a while, or how i might be going backwards. Its a sarcastic, black humour time in which real and blunt observations and comments are taken as humorous exagerations on my part, instead of the bitter truths they really are. I think my meh time is nearly over now.

I have stayed on plan most of the week. I have actually logged every thing i ate, and only went over twice, and each time by no more than 99 calories (i think once was by 30 and once was by 99). Thats not bad. Considering today was almost a complete disaster involving rice and lamb. Luckily it was too spicy for me to eat enough of to go over my calories. I did measure myself midweek, because i like getting my hopes up so i can tear myself down again, and i was down to 75.1kg. Which was a big relief, and hopefully that wont have changed upwards by monday. Working out has been rather mediocre this week though, i only went on monday. I will try and go tomorrow. Just got a couple of deadlines i have to work on. I know, time management. Shut up.

I had something else to say, but now i cant remember. Gah dont you just hate that.

This is sort of one of those boring “getting it straight in my mind” kind of posts. Sorry.

There will be little to no snacking in evenings. Its hard not to snack, but once started its even harder to stop. I’ve moved my upper calorie limit down from 1600 to 1500. Since i havent changed it since i started, and now i’ve lost about 9.6kg (i dunno, 20ish pounds) its probable that my needs have changed. There will be exercise, and lots of it, as i get closer to the quarter marathon. I have three 50-60 minute runs planned, and there will be no skipping them. I also want to get back to my weights class, i havent been for a while and i miss it. I think it makes a real difference to my weigh ins too. My presentations are on tuesday and wednesday and once they are out of the way i should be feeling a lot less gittery. I shouldnt be too nervous anyway, one of them i have already got my final mark for (an A yay!) and the other is marked 40% on content and 10% on the presentation, and its in a class with nice peopel and a nice lecturer so it’s not even that frightening. I remember doing speeches in my German lectures, how i managed them i will never know! You had to give a speech and then have questions, in german, afterwards, making you think on the spot. These presentations should be a walk in the park compared with that. Should be.

Anyway, thats the basic outline

As a side note, sleep was crap last night again. I have no idea why, but i ended up getting my iPod and listening to Rammstein until i fell asleep. People who say Till Lindemann can’t sing have obviously never heard songs like Wo Bist Du, Seemann, Nebel, Ohne Dich, and Stirb Nicht Vor Mir. I dont care what anyone says, Till is the only man who has ever been able to sing me to sleep.

I must have had THE worst night’s sleep last night. I think i got about 3 hours sleep. Which means i probably actually got at least 4. But i fell asleep to the sound of birds waking up which doesnt bode well. Now I am awake, i have 20 mins to get my act together and get to the bus. And to make it even better, its raining today.

Why did i have such an awful night’s sleep? well, i weighed myself midweek. I really shouldnt do that (or should i?) its depressing. I am always up midweek, yesterday by 2kgs (this is probably for a variety of factors, such as the fact that its midweek so ive only exercised once, i weighed at night after a full day of food, etc).  Plus im probably feeling guilty because this week i have been really snacky in the evenings, and ive been indulging in that. Not on bad things, but on things like almonds, but i know it adds up. And i cant figure out why i cant stop doing it. I think im stressed and tired and i have two presentations to give next week, so im nervous. I’ll try harder today, see if i can crack it.