Don’t Get All Hot and Leave Me!

I love my husband, dearly. He is literally my best friend in the world and the person I would rather spend my time with over anyone else. Last night, we were talking about my fitness goals and he said “Don’t do all this and leave me. I’m a broken man and there is no fixing me.” My husband was injured during his last tour of Iraq with the Army. He has a significant back injury that is not fixable and is degenerative. It will never get better; it may get way worse. I know that. He knows that. I am doing my level best to prepare to be the breadwinner for our family (that’s the reason I’m in college).

I remember feeling the same way he does now. Before his last deployment he was asking me if I wanted him to get ripped. Uh.. no, somebody will try to steal him. He was super fit already. It wasn’t that I doubted his loyalty or his faithfulness. It was solely that I do not want him attracting other women. I understand his concern. It was at once my own concern. I did my best to set things straight and make him feel better. I want to get fit. I want to be healthy. I want to be strong.

I underwent something like this with my ex-husband. He was sabotaging my diet efforts. I felt like he was doing everything he could to undo my hard work and when I mentioned it to him, he admitted that he was intentionally doing it. When he was bragging about my transformation (I lost over 100 pounds) at work, one of his buddies said there were two reasons a married woman loses weight: A. She found someone new and is cheating on you. B. She is getting ready to leave. He never trusted me again. He already had serious control issues, but that comment from a coworker had long lasting effects. I wasn’t leaving. I never cheated on him. I’m not like that. Oh, we got divorced, but not because of me cheating. It was because he did.

I think it is a common concern for spouses when one is undergoing a transformation. I read something online the other day and it said basically that you marry three people. The person you think they are, the person they really are and the person they become. My husband is still being supportive. He even suggested I join a gym and hire a personal trainer to help with my goals, although the logistics of that aren’t going to work out right now. He still tells me he is proud of my efforts, but I still feel bad in a way.

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