This morning my body ached. It aches every morning. I have a diagnosis of “Fibromyalgia” Having said that, the doctor who diagnosed me has since had his medical license revoked for medicaid fraud. Yikes! I feel that diagnosis was a “I don’t know what is wrong, have some pills.” He had me on 48 pills a day. I was 28.
When I met my husband I had been medicated for a year and a half. He was very concerned & he did not feel I needed all those pills. He didn’t doubt my pain, he doubted the need for the pills. About four months after we met I got very sick. My liver was twice the size it should be and nobody could figure out why. I was a single parent and I stayed at my parents house for a couple weeks because I was so sick. I took a ton of antibiotics and had a ton of tests done. Nobody ever had an answer except that my liver was very swollen. At his urging, I stopped the pills cold turkey and in time I got better. I just don’t think my liver could handle all the medications.
I have found my body’s physical response to stress is pain. When I am stressed I can barely move. I try to live the most stress free life I can. I feel that stress can literally kill you. I try very hard to let go. I try to trust that everything will work itself out, it always has.
But when I wake up aching like this and I don’t want to get out of bed, I do it anyway. My garden keeps me moving. We are going through a severe drought and I water my garden at least once, sometimes twice a day. Once early in the morning and once at dusk. If I don’t do it, the plants will die. My Dad gave me 20 tomato plants he had raised from seeds this spring. He gave me a bag of seeds and loaned me his tiller. He was not feeling well and he did not want to look after them, so I am. My husband tilled the ground for me but he doesn’t plant, weed or water. I do that, with the occasional help from one of my older children, but the constant “help” of my toddler. He rarely leaves my side. He is two and he loves to help Mommy.
Since the passing of my father, I take a certain pleasure in being in my garden. I think of times when I was growing up working in the garden beside him. It is comforting. My mother said the same thing. She goes out in the garden and talks to him. When my body aches, I force myself out of bed. I tell myself that I am just going to water it and that I will save the weeding until tomorrow when I feel better. I water it and then I see a weed that just can’t wait. I pull some more. My body hurts less. I crawl around, pulling weeds. I rake and hoe. I drag my water hose around. And surprisingly enough, when I feel my garden is good for another day, my body doesn’t hurt so much. I am grateful for my garden for both the comfort it brings me and the bounty it provides. It encourages us to eat better and it soothes my soul.
Filed under: Uncategorized on July 29th, 2012