It’s been a little over a month since my Dad died. It was just before the halfway point of my summer semester of college. Today is the last day of the semester. I am still at this point really struggling with giving a rats @ss about school. It was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO important to me before. It doesn’t seem like it matters. It doesn’t seem like it matters AT ALL… *sigh*
I go through the motions, doing most of what I have to do, but I just don’t care anymore. I have a research paper & a test due today. Ugh.
I had a 4.0 my first semester. Like I said, school was so important. I realize I am still processing his death and I am sure it will take time. My kids are still crying randomly. My Mom is still crying daily. I’m just trying to be the glue that holds everything together, not fall apart too much.
I changed my major. Maybe I should have just kept plugging along with my original degree program but I changed it and I’m heading a different direction. Maybe that will help me care.
I am however sticking to my diet life change. This is not optional, nor is it anything I have to care about to do. I just have to do it. Forever. So, I’m doing what I can, trying to care. And mostly, trying to figure out if I will ever feel normal again.
Filed under: Uncategorized on July 28th, 2012