why did i wait so long?

i guess this blog is about my journey with weight loss and getting healthy

feeling out of control November 21, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — hveeck @ 2:06 am

wow, its been a while since ive wrote on this blog.  No excuses really, just not feeling bloggy.  Things have been pretty hectic around my world lately and I have a feeling its taking a toll on my eating habits and weight loss, or lack there of.  I notice there are a lot of new blogs here, so most of you probably dont even know me. but basically i’ll give a short review of my story. my name is Heidi, I started losing weight in april of 08 and have lost 130 lbs so far.  the last few months I have basically been maintaining my weight. I still want to lose 35-40 more lbs, but it seems almost impossible at this point. I am a calorie counter and I work out about 4 days a week.  working out for me is the easy part. I love spin classes and I love the way I feel after a work out.  It is sometimes hard to get to the gym, but once I am there, i feel great.  Eating on the other hand is still a major issue.  the stress in my life at this point is making me want to binge a lot!!! last week I spent 3 days eating crap!!! pumpkin ice cream with cool whip, nacho’s, popcorn, cheese its (my major weakness), a hamberger, lasagna. you name it….. it sucks! when I do this, i usually gain about 5 lbs.  I then lose it over the next couple weeks, but i believe this is why i am maintaining.  I will start to lose more weight, then binge and gain it back, then lose it again. this happens over and over again, and this has been my story for the past few months.  DH and I have been arguing a lot lately which is complicated and i dont want to bore people with the problems, but this is making me want to eat.  I have been having lots of financial problems, car issues, and working over time to try to give my kids a decent christmas…  all these are excuses as to why i am binging. I know if I just put my mind to it, i can control this, but its just hard!!! so, i just thought i would come on here and share.  I will try to come here more often.  hope everyone has a great thanksgiving and try not to eat too much.  (I know, that day will be a difficult one)  shit who am I kidding, this whole week is just going to be torture.ugh…..  good luck chicks

 

3 Responses to “feeling out of control”

  1. stellachiara Says:

    Well done on your fantastic weight loss you`ve achieved so far!

    I do not think that your problems sound boring to others, not to those who care about you. But I know the feeling and know that it`s temting just to stay quiet and eat your feelings instead…

  2. round Says:

    Hi Heidi,

    In some ways I think it’s a really good thing that you’re managing your weight the way you are. I think the fact that you’re able to maintain your wt in a narrow window (+/- 5 lbs) is EXACTLY what people recommend for maintenance. And maintenance is essentially what you’re doing - making effort and not seeing the scale go down.

    It’s interesting that you’re “treading weight” at 185-ish — that’s the weight where I stabilized after starting at 250 (and dropping to 165 briefly). I maintained around 185-190 for over 5 yrs before I gained back to 220 over the past 2 yrs (been losing again since March, am back down to 190-ish). For me, at least, this weight is comfortable because I’m back in “regular” size clothes (at least in the US) & in daily life in the US I felt normal-sized, not plus-sized. I live in Paris where everyone is much thinner & sizes are much smaller, so at the same weight I feel like a cow here & shopping is still a nightmare, so here the same weight is more burdensome (good motivation for me to continue losing) but I remember really clearly in the US that this weight range came with huge relief. I wasn’t near my “goal” yet, but it was comfortable for once, and I think that’s why I got stuck for so long in the 180s. I probably spent almost a year bouncing around in that weight range before I finally got it together to find a new plan of attack & then my wt started moving down again. (then I moved to Paris, and 20lbs came back, but that’s another story).

    I do think you need to be careful about the “3 days of eating crap” cycles you’ve been doing — so far you’ve caught them & re-lost from them, but it’s probably pretty dangerous behavior.

    Can you think of any little thing you could do to help stay on track through the holidays (next week through after New Year’s)? For me one of the things I do in ‘danger times’ is go back to blogging regularly (if I’ve fallen off) or go back to keeping a food diary (even if I allow myself to eat the temptations, I’m always a better eater if I track it). What works for you?

  3. debc Says:

    I agree you need to give yourself lots of credit for what you’ve achieved. Slow weight loss is good weight loss, and even though you’ve had lots of slips you haven’t given up and put all the weight back on. That’s a big achievement.

    I wonder if you are eating too little on your “good” days, feeling deprived, then eating the food you really want on “bad” days. I would never feel satisfied by a bowl of soup for my evening meal.

    My blog, The Last Oh F**k It, is about my attempt to break the diet binge cycle and maintain a healthy weight - I’ve written there about how too little food is as dangerous as too much.

    I wish you all the best, Heidi.

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