why did i wait so long?

sorry about the blurry picture. These were my capri pants that were snug on me 13 months ago. they are a size 28.  I am now in a 16/18, woohoo

Today was a good day. I woke up early, went to the gym and worked out for about an hr and a half. I ate good food all day and stayed on plan.  I decided to take the little ones to the beach today because we didn’t have anything better to do. It was a beautiful day.  A little cloudy at times but the sun was out plenty.  The beach we go to is in our town. A nice little beach with a few picnic tables and a big play ground. The beach was packed today… lots of people. I think there was some sort of gathering going on also.  So I sat on the beach enjoying the sun and watching the kids play. Honestly its one of my favorite places to be.  One of the main reasons we moved to florida was to be close to the ocean/beaches.  When I was bigger, for the past ten yrs of my life…. going to the beach was difficult emotionaly.  I still did it (all the time) because I love it and I enjoy it. But, it was hard for me to be in a bathing suit around strangers.  I would always be aware of the fact that I was (almost always) the biggest one there, or close to it. I was constantly worried about fat poking out, or wondering what the other people were thinking of me. I was sure they were thinking I was a lazy, disgusting, fat pig.  I guess after so many years, I got sort of used to this feeling of being self conscious, of feeling less than human, feeling like I stood out, or didn’t belong. I felt like everyone was totally disgusted by my appearance. It is a silent, but constant uncomfortable feeling of dispair.  Today was different… Today I didn’t feel like a total outcast, I didn’t think anyone was looking at me, or thinking I was disgusting. I felt “normal”. I just felt like another person on the beach enjoying the day with her kids. I wasn’t constantly worried about my fat sticking out of my suit. I didn’t feel like a spot light was on me.And I definetely was not the biggest one on the beach. It was a feeling of contentment and satisfaction I can’t even describe.  Mind you, I am still over weight and dont look like a supermodel in a bathing suit, but its just that feeling of being just one of the crowd that was totally comforting to me. I haven’t felt that way in so long while in a bathing suit.  Its an awesome feeling, a feeling of fitting in, not being noticed for being a heffer, just being normal.  Its better than any bowl of ice cream or piece of pizza.  it really is.

B-fruit smoothie w/ nonfat plain yogurt and flax seeds

L- protein shake, apple

S- sugar free iced coffee

D- chicken, cottage cheese, sour krout

S- yogurt, baked ritz crackers… a few hershey kisses