my pep talk to myself February 11, 2009
feeling a little better today, of course working out always makes me feel better. I hate that I was so negative the last couple days. You guys are right. I should be proud of my progress and not be so hard on myself. I dont think I am a bad person, or a failure. I just get disappointed in my choices sometimes. when I was at my heaviest and eating whatever and whenever, I didn’t think i was a bad person. I was a smart, kind, friendly, shy, loving mother and wife. I DID feel out of control and weak. I WAS out of control and weak. Not a bad person. I think that since I’ve started eating healthy and becoming more fit, I feel much stronger and much more in control. Except for when i let myself cheat. I then feel totally out of control and weak again. I hate that feeling. I wish I could just eat healthy and within my calories every. single. freaking. day. not 6 days a week, or the majority of the time. FOR FUCKING EVER!!!! I want to be in control all the time. so when i give myself a cheat day or meal even though i enjoy it at that second im eating it, i feel like total crap after word. not just mentally, but physically ,CRAP! I think a cheat meal helps some people, but for me… it might be more of a set back than anything. The problem is…. actually doing it. Sometimes the cravings i feel are so totally overwhelming that it is unimagineable to go without a cheat meal. uncontrolable. This is a goal I must work on… to be able to go without a cheat meal. Not because i dont think i deserve one, not because i think its going to make me gain weight, but because its not mentally working for me. It sets me back every week and makes me feel out of control and weak. so, this is a goal… a very hard goal that i am going to work on. my plan for this goal is to stay within my calories every day, and one day a week let myself have a treat while still staying within my calories. This will allow me to have that food i crave once a week without over eating it, not stuffing myself with the shit. while still remaining in my calorie range. The next step will be to just cut out the treat all together and make it a very rare occasion type thing. I just dont want to have that out of control feeling, or that full to the brim feeling I get on cheat meals. Its not worth the second or two that its in my mouth. I didn’t end up working out twice today, but the one workout i did do was very very vigorous. 90 minutes of hard core jillian style ass kicking! woo hoo. it felt great.
B- light and fit smoothie (yogurt)
L- turkey with light laughing cow cheese and low fat crackers
S- blueberries
D- baked fish, roasted red potato and brussel sprouts with olive oil
S- oatmeal with soymilk and honey
S- peanut butter on one piece of bread and light soy milk (total= 1400 cal)
Wow with a capital “W”! I’ve just discovered your blog and saw your photos. You are nailing it! It’s so inspiring to read about your success so far, and all the hard work you’ve invested in yourself. It’s good to push ourselves. Our bodies are truly machines and are capable of so much more than we realize. A 100 pound milestone needs to be rewarded big time! I recommend you buy some new workout clothes, runners or fitness equipment you might have your eye on. That’s what it’s all about!
I can’t allow myself a cheat day, it would just snowball out of control. I guess my way of cheating, when I get cravings,(which usually means I’m hungry) is to have extra of something healthy that I really like. That makes me feel good about myself. Fuel for the machine!
I’ll leave you with this thought; “treats are for cats and dogs”
I have an idea on cheat meals, but don’t know if it would work for you…
My friend and I were talking about how every month there’s a celebration/holiday/reason to eat. February is Valentine’s Day and Fat Tuesday, March or April has Easter, May has Memorial Day BBQ and Mother’s Day, June has Father’s Day, July the Fourth and so on.
What if you limited your ‘cheats’ to the holidays major and minor? That way you’d KNOW one was coming soon and you could do whatever, without doing it as often.
Feeling out of control can’t be fun, I understand what you’re saying. A big empowering part of losing weight is the sweet ass control, it’s a good feeling.
I also think it’s a great idea to indulge within your caloric limits. That’s a great idea you have there.
I’m glad you are feeling better! I know just what you are saying about the cheat meals. I HATE cheating, but I still do it. It’s a lose lose thing for me. Let us know if you figure it out
90 min of Jillian?! Nice job!