why did i wait so long?

exercise keeps me going when I think I might binge, It keeps me motivated, and inspired. Thank god for exercise.  When I obsess over the food I want, but know I shouldn’t have, exercise gets my mind off of it.  When I do over eat and induldge once in a while, exercise helps me get back on track and helps me burn off those extra calories. Exercise boosts my weight loss up a few notches and without it, I would not lose as quickly. Exercise makes me a stronger mother and wife and person, and makes me more efficient in my job. exercise makes me feel more confident and gives me more self esteem. Exercise helps me release stress and is an antidepressant. exercise helps me get a good nights sleep even with insomnia.  I love exercise and am so thankful for it

Sometimes I just have to ramble. sorry

I am taking it easy today. I think my knee needs a day of rest.  It’s better this morning but still sort of sore when I get up from a sitting position.  Thanks inkheartmeg for your comment and I think that book sounds good. I should get it.  It sounds pretty accurate.  Its not food’s fault that we overeat, its ours.  Food is lovely and should not be to blame, LOL.  Yesterday while shoping i came across this new ice cream from edy’s. they have a limited time only girlscout cookie flavored icecream.  about four different flavors. One of them is thin mint!!! It took all my power not to put that gallon of joy in the cart. But i resisted. Next thursday will be my two week mark of not treating myself. So, next thursday the thin mint ice cream and I will have a date ;)  If I dont let myself have this stuff once in a while, Im afraid I may go insane.  moderation, right :)  anyway, I figured I would share this funny tidbit with you all….. this morning while driving home from taking the kids to school, the radio announced that there was an 8  foot gator stuck in a sewer drain in our town. It has been stuck there for three days now, and they can’t figure out how to get it out. I wonder if the poor thing is overweight? LOL  I do wish the best for the poor gator.  These things still amaze me by living in this part of the country. I think they always will. I’ll always be a northerner at heart.  Like on our way to the airport there are all these signs that say “panther crossing” on the side of the road. I think I might shit if I saw a panther try to cross the road in front of us, LOL  Our weather is starting to warm up again. Its beautiful out today. I have all the windows open and the breeze is blowing in. tonight I am making baked tilapia with roasted brussel sprouts. yummmmmm…have a wonderful day, and thank you all for your comments

Does anyone else torture themselves while watching the food channel?  I never use to watch the food channel at all. Now I am always, always watching it in my spare time. It has given me lots of tips on cooking healthy, but for the most part the food network has very high calorie meals and shows that are not geared toward a healthy low calorie diet.  I wish there were more episodes on low calorie dinners. Even Rachel Ray seems to have high calorie food on her shows.  Anyway, sometimes I think I might watch it because I figure if I can’t enjoy the yummy “bad for me” food, then at least I can watch it on TV. LOL I know that sounds crazy. But then sometimes while Im watching it, it seems like I am just torturing myself and then I find myself craving cheesy, starchy, sugary food. Maybe I should just stop watching it.  I tend to go through stages on things that I watch or interest me in my life.  Last year I was very much into true crime. Like notorious, snapped, cold case files, and true crime novels. This year its all about nutritional books, shows on losing weight, and now the food channel. Its funny how our interests change.  I just dont know if the food channel is helping me, or torturing me.  I think maybe a little bit of both ;) 

I just recently found an awesome snack that I have been eating almost every day. It is so good. I thought I would share. Im sure most of you have heard of the laughing cow cheese. I finally tried some and OH MY GOD!! It is so good.  I get the light french onion laughing cow cheese, spread it on top of reduced fat townhouse crackers and top it with a little bit of boars head cracked pepper mill turkey. It is my favorite snack at this time.  6 crackers, one wedge of cheese and a few slices of turkey is approx 120 calories. 

I think last night was one of the hardest spin classes I have done yet. I walked out of there dripping wet with sweat and could barely walk, LOL. It felt good! I wasn’t sore this morning, so i guess I am just getting used to pushing myself.  tonight I am doing a class called “spin circuit”. It is a combination of strength training and spining. I did it last week and loved it. I could feel all my muscles getting a good work out.  I still can’t keep up with the hard core people in the class, but I am improving all the time.  I weighed myself this week :216.4  dont ask me why my scale is stuck at the .4, but i find it comical.  so, I lost a lb last week.   11 more lbs until I reach 100 lbs lost!!!  Hopefully by the end of Feb!

btw, I think I will post a before and “now” picture once I hit 205.  I was going to post another picture at 215, but I might as well wait until I hit the 100lbs lost. so, hopefully in a month or so, i will post another picture.

Update: the spin circuit kicked my ass!!!  The spin part wasn’t so bad, but the circuit part…..WOW!! makes me realize how far I still have to go to be in the shape I want to be in.  We did a lot of squats and crazy, indescribable things with the big ball. This thing called the skyscraper killed my right knee.  It makes me so pissed at myself and my knee. I want so bad to be able to do everything in the class and do it right, but I am still not up to par.  My knee is causing me pain right now, and it makes me angry that the pain might slow me down.  Im sure my poor knee joint is just worn out from all those years of inactivity and hauling around all that extra weight…. but it still makes me mad, and worried.  I know that it will take a lot of time for me to get to where I want to be, but then I have to remind myself of how far I’ve come.  patience Heidi….. patience.

B- fruit smoothie with non fat yogurt

S- lowfat crackers with cheese and turkey

L- tuna with light mayo, relish, onion, on crackers

S-WW ice cream cup

S- a lot of watermelon

D- half a stuffed pepper made with ground turkey, tomato sauce, onion, brown rice,  and some roasted potato’s.

S- skinny dipper bar, then some blueberries in a small amt of light soy milk

total= 1511 calories

thankyou inkheartmeg, i love your posts too.  this will be a short post since I am extremely busy at work. the other day I bought a pair of size 18 capri’s!!!!! they fit good too. I worked out today before work. Did the eliptical for the first time in a while. I really like the spin classes better because they seem to go by so much faster. The eliptical is still a great work out though. It just seems to drag on longer. Its finally starting to warm back up here in florida. Im sick of having my heat on. I want my tropical climate back. today’s food was:

B- fruit smoothie with honey and non fat yogurt

S- popcorn, lowfat crackers with laughing cow cheese and turkey

L- big salad with sunflower seeds, spinach, and a lot of other stuff. low fat italian dressing

D- chili (my homemade chili)

S- more crackers, cheese and turkey

total= about 1400 cal. I will probably eat a little something before bed

I’ve had a not so good week. I guess it wasn’t totally horrible. monday I worked, ate good but no exercise. tuesday and wednesday i ate clean and worked out (although wednesday I ate a little too much). Then yesterday was total mayhem. I started out good but ended up with a huge binge. Honestly, this may sound wierd to some of you. But I think i needed it. I have been very stressed lately. I have been dreaming about food. Day dreaming and actual dreaming!  I have been very short with people, and just in a bad mood for a while.  I think it had to do with me missing some of my Old favorites. When all you think about all day long is eating…. you can get a little aggitated. So I got all of my eating out of my system yesterday and today I feel so much better. I went to the gym early and had a great work out. I am making a new goal for myself to eat clean for two weeks straight. no treat meals for fourteen days. Then I will treat myself again. I think now that I was able to eat what I wanted yesterday, I will be more focused for the next couple weeks. I hope this doesn’t sound like I need mental help. saying that a binge has helped me stay on track. But, thats what I am feeling so…….

I lost another two lbs this week. (before binge) I weigh 217.4!! last week I weighed 219.4. I think my scale likes the .4 for some reason. lol.  So obviously I wont weigh myself for a few days now. well, i dont know what else to write about. have a wonderful friday!

my lovely sister came over for dinner last night. I made a wonderful meal. It was my version of shrimp scampi, roasted potatos and roasted vegies (asparagus and brussel sprouts). The whole dinner was about 550 calories. The way I make the scampi is to saute shrimp in a little olive oil, mix in fresh minced garlic, saute for a couple minutes, add a little dry vermouth (or any white wine), salt, pepper. saute a few more minutes, then add in a couple tbsp of fresh lemon juice and parsley. I am telling you it is soooooo good. It really tastes like you used butter. It’s also a fairly easy dish to make. I love it when i find healthy light meals that are also easy to make. It’s like striking gold.

  Since my sister had a stand still on her weight loss for a while, she is currently about 40 lbs heavier than i am.  Since I had tons of clothes that are too big for me just wasting space in my closet, I gave them all to her last night. I told her its just for the time being, because she is back on track and will soon shrink out of them too. But, let me tell you…… It felt soooooo good to get rid of all those clothes. Now, i realized I really need to go shoping. I hardly have anything that actually fits me.  I did keep two pairs of my biggest pants just for comparison pictures and such

I am looking forward to working out today. I worked all weekend and didnt get to the gym.  Of course, the kids are off school today and my gym has goofy day care hours. So now I have to wait until later this afternoon.  I really like my gym. I like the people who work there. They all know me and encourage me. They are very supportive.  Which makes me have second thoughts about switching gyms. I am under contract until may, but I think i am going to try to find a gym that is opened 24 hrs. With working midnights and the way my sleep schedule is all over the place, I really need a 24 hr gym.  I would also like one that has longer day care hours.  Its a toss up though, because I am comfortable at that gym and like the staff. I guess I’ll just have to weigh the benefits with the downfalls. I still have a few months to decide. well, I have to work again tonight. I have been picking up extra shifts to try to help pay for DH’s dental work. Since it’s still morning, I will post yesterdays food:

B- mango, orange, and strawberry fruit smoothie with soy milk and honey

S- low fat crackers, laughing cow cheese, and turkey

D- shrimp scampi, roasted potatos, brussel sprouts, asparagus

S- ww ice cream bar

I am freezing! I left indiana to get away from the cold. It is in the 40’s here (in SW florida). I am not used to this weather anymore! I dont even own a winter coat. my hands are like ice and I am indoors!  Just wanted to complain a bit.  Not much to say tonight. Im doing good eating and worked out enouph this week. It could have been more, but it was acceptable.  I am really getting anxious to get below 200lbs! Its been so long!  I really hope this next 18-19lbs comes off in a timely manner. I know i know, I should be patient….Its so hard tho, i am so close to ONEderland and it’s such a milestone. Hope you all are doing good. I’ve been slacking on my blog reading lately. I will catch up.

B- fruit smoothie with nonfat yogurt and honey

S- laughing cow light cheese with low fat townhouse crackers

L- tuna wth crackers and light mayo

D- french onion soup, orange

S- more tuna and crackers  , so far I am low on calories (around 1100) so i will eat once more before the night is through. I am at work and (work midnights) I usually eat something before I go to sleep.

being so obese for so long made me forget what it was like to be a “normal” size. I know i am still obese and not near a “normal” size, but I am feeling like a different person. A person with bones! LOL. I totally forgot what it felt like to actually FEEL my bones!  I am amazed at the way my shoulder bones are pointing out these days. My elbows are getting bony, my collar bones are showing themselves (and they are NICE) I can feel my pelvis again! even tho there is still flab around my pelvis, I can feel it!! and so does DH ;)  he acutally feels it all the time, lol.  Every time I look down at my upper thighs i just cant believe they are mine. I was so use to seeing big ham hock type things with no definition whatsoever. Now, yes they are still fat and flabby, but I see my knee bones and can feel the muscle i am building in my legs. Its just shocking.  When I first started this I knew that i would feel better thinner. I knew I would like what I looked like more and more with each lb lost, but there is no way to actually realize HOW FREAKING GREAT it feels to see yourself molding into the body you once had. I can see my old self again somewhere in all that flab. Im in there and Im peaking out little by little. Its amazing, and it feels better than any food will ever taste! ever. not to mention the health benefits I am feeling. some days I am tired of course, but that is usually because i’ve worked that day, or was going crazy at the gym. Not because I am just obese and out of shape. Now when I get out of breath it’s because I am doing a spin class or lifting weights, not just walking down the hall or cleaning my house. Things are changing. They are changing for the better

B- honey nut cheerios with light soy milk

L- home made pasta salad with olive oil and vinegraette

D- french onion soup and salad from jasons deli with a little potato salad

S- popcorn

S- small bowl of honey nut cheerios and silk soy milk

late snack- 100 cal popcorn, and fiber one bar

total= 1700 cals   oh, and thanks for all your supportive comments about me being in the teens (did i forget to say it feels great)

i weighed in this morning and even with TOM i lost over a lb.  last week i weighed 221. this week i weigh 219.4 !!!!!!!! wooooooo hooooooo im in the teens :D  yey!

TGIF? not really. I never get to enjoy a friday. I always work every friday and saturday. I have for years. Its my way of avoiding day care, and being able to be a stay at home mom (for the most part) during the week.  However, i am really getting sick of never having a weekend off.  DH works during the week, i work on the weekend. It’s worked well so far. we see each other sunday- thursday evenings.   Sometimes, i dont think its enouph though. I think i am just ready for a nice family vacation. unfortuneately i know that will be a long way off.  DH needs a lot of dental work, which is going to be a pretty penny even after insurance.  I should have became a dentist! those people make so much freaking money for just an hour or so of work.  So basically I am just complaining because it seems like all we do is work, and take care of our kids. We hardly ever get vacations, and forget about time to ourselves.  Shit, we dont ever even get a night to be alone because the kids are always around. No grandparents left alive.  At the most one or two of them stay at a friends house for a night, but we always have my 5 yr old DD.  I guess Im just feeling sorry for myself.  I just want to get away for a few days. It’s never going to happen.  OK, bitching session over

Did a great spin class this morning before work,  ate good all day.  I have a feeling the scale will be disappointing this week since its TOM.  (hey maybe thats why im cranky ;)  I feel like my weight loss has been at a stand still since before christmas. I really need to see a loss soon or I will scream! Everyone is still complimenting me and saying i look good ect…. (which i totally appreciate) but, when I dont see results on the scale, or in the mirror, it is just frustrating.  On a good note, my twin sister, who started this weight loss thing with me (who got off track for a few months) Is now back to it with gusto! she joined a biggest loser challenge and started logging in on the dailyplate. She also joined a gym. Im so excited to have a partner in crime on this journey again. It makes it so nice to have someone (other than on the internet) no offense, to talk to about everything.  well, i’m off to do more work.  hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

B- fruit smoothie with nonfat yogurt and honey

S- honey nut cheerio’s and light soy milk

L- salad with itialian dressing, spinach

D- rice and beans, orange

S- whole grain noodles with asparagus and small amt of ham

pre work out snack-sausage, egg mcmuffin ( not a good choice)

but then i went and worked out for two hrs at the gym saturday morning after work. I did an hr of weights and an hr of spin class

total cals- 1850, burned about 800 (guestimate)