why did i wait so long?

well, on a brighter note, i weighed myself today and am down from 228 to 225.4 lbs!! yey, i guess that’s something to be happy about. Kind of hard to be positive with these itching welts all over my body!! I really hope this goes away soon. I’ve been doing nothing but itching, and laying in bed for days. Im sure the sedentary life will catch up to me soon. although, im not eating much. thanks for the sweet comments.

B- kashi cereal, light soy milk

L- lean cuisine fish and rice dinner

D- an orange and 4 chicken wings

For the past two days i have been going through PURE HELL!!! I am usually not one to whine when i am sick. I usually suck it up and go about my business. But, I have never had an allergic reaction before. I mean never. I have (or had) no allergies.  so, wednessday after i worked out, i layed out by my pool and noticed my stomach and leg was sort of itching. I looked and had a few welts on my tummy, so i just thought i might have been bit by something or was just irritated by the shirt i had on. later that day the itching got worse and the welts started reproducing. DH went and got me some benadryl.  I passed out that night from the benadryl and woke up at 3am scratching so bad and had nausia, chills, and felt dizzy.  so, i got up and looked in the mirror! omg! the welts had spread over most of my body and i was itching like crazy. I took a shower thinking it would help.  I almost blacked out in the shower (now i know from the ER dr that the warm water dilated my blood vessels even more which dropped my pressure causing me to almost black out). I make it through the morning miserable wanting to peel off my skin. I went to the dr. at 10 am. she said i was having an allergic reaction to something. gave me a steroid shot and told me to take some more benadryl. she said if it gets worse to go to the ER.  so a few more hours pass. I take a nap (from the benadryl) wake up and I can hardly swallow! my throat, tongue, lips, and eyes were all swollen!! the welts have doubled and have made their way up to my ears, face and head! My hands and feet were swollen.  I looked HORRIBLE!!! The itching was way worse, chills, fever, nausia, dizziness, and I thought my throat was going to close shut! I rushed to the ER! They gave me an IV of steroids, antihistamine, and something for the stomach issue. Finally the welts and swelling went down a little and my throat started feeling a little better. They diagnosed me with ANGIONEUROTIC EDEMA.  which is an allergic reaction of the deep tissues, swelling, nausia, chills. ect…. gave me a script for more steroids and a list of the causes. Do you believe that exercise is a cause!!  also strawberries!! I had strawberries that morning, plus exercised hard that morning. Light is also a cause (hello) I was laying out in the sun when i noticed it was starting! so, now Im not sure if I should ever eat strawberries again! Dont worry, I am still going to work out, but giving it a rest for a few days. Im off work this weekend per DR request. When I woke up this morning the welts have gone down considerably, my throat is much better, but I still itch real bad and my hands and feet  are still a little swollen. My hands itch so bad today i wish i could just cut them off at the wrist!! ugh…. sorry for the totally off topic blog, but i had to shart my drama with you guys!  Just be aware, that even if you’ve never had an allergic reaction before in your life…… It could always happen at some point! now, Im scared to death its going to happen again. It was (and still is) pure torture!! I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy.  I hope you all had a better few days than i’ve had.  The good part is I’ve stayed on plan, actually sort of low on calories because i havent been able to eat much.

UPDATE: well, Its early Saturday morning and its been another day of torture. I am so sick of itching and the stomach cramps that i just want to curl up in a corner somewhere and die. OK maybe not die, but you get the picture.  Friday afternoon I was feeling better, thought i was on my way to recovering from this crazy reaction, but then later in the early evening the stomach cramps came back with a vengeance. also, the hives/welts started to spread again.  I almost went back to the ER because of the stomach cramping. The pain was as bad as labor pains! seriously! so, i just cried and moaned for hours. Finally the cramping subsided and I got a little sleep. as of now, the cramping is almost gone (please god dont let it come back) the hives are still there and still itchy, but manageable. OMG when is this going to end??? I am making an appointment with an allergist asap. I need to find out why this happened to prevent it from happening again. Friday’s food was this:

B- kashi cereal with soy milk

L- healthy choice sweet and sour chicken/rice

D- package of oatmeal

S- bowl of honey nut cheerios with soy milk

I know its way low on calories, but I was lucky to get this down

OK it is now saturday afternoon. I think it might have been my soap. I realized I took a shower with new soap right before I went and layed out by the pool. also, every shower that i have taken in the last few days has seemed to have made my hives worse. so, Im leaning towards the soap at this point. I hope it is the soap because that will be easy to stay away from.  as of right now, i am feeling a little better. the hives are still there but (cross fingers and knock on wood) I am not having any cramping or anything.

wow, what wonderful comments you all give me!! I dont know how to thank you enouph. This is such a wonderful way to go through this journey, with people who are going through the same things and who give such great support :)  I didn’t post yesterday because I was reading “confessions of a carb queen” I went to books a million and just thought, you never know…they might have it! They did, only 2 copies. I snatched it up.  Once I started reading it, i couldn’t put it down.. What a good book. I laughed, I cried. I recommend it! I am done with it already. two days.   I think that is a record.   I can totally relate to so many things she talked about in that book.  Well, today I did another new class. I am enjoying the different atmosphere of the classes.  The elyptical and treadmill can become quite boring after 8-9 months of the same stuff. I did a half hour abs class today followed by a spin class.  This spin class was a regular class, not the beginners class. I am proud to say that I kept up quite well. I did modify a little bit. I did the whole class and am not even sore. I think i’ve found my new favorite work out :D  I am going to try a step class tomorrow.  when I was in my teens I use to do step classes all the time. they were so fun. Its almost like you are dancing.  I am excited about it.  I wish that the eating thing could be as easy for me as the exercise. oh well, I guess I should be thankful that I like the exercise so much.  I have been doing good with the eating too. sticking to my promise.  No, I wont be too disappointed if I dont reach my goal by x mas. I am proud of all that I’ve accomplished this far. I can’t expect perfection.  But i do need something to strive for. 220 it is ;)  we are taking the kids to see santa tonight, and going by some really pretty houses all lit up for christmas. Its hard to feel festive when just this morning I was laying out by my pool getting a tan in 85-90 degree weather, but I still feel like its christmas time, just with out the frost bite, scraping the ice off my car and 3 tons of clothes on my back . I think this will be the best christmas I’ve had in a long time.  

B- fruit smoothie with non fat yogurt and honey

S- 2% string cheese stick

L- healthy choice tomato, cheese and basil panini

D- chicken carbonara from cooking light recipe with asparagus and a small side salad

S- ww ice cream bar

well, I’ve made a new promise to myself. I haven’t been losing like I normally do. I dont know if its just TOM or because I’ve been “treating” myself too much. probably both. so, I’ve decided not to have any cheats/treats until christmas. I will eat the ‘good stuff’ on christmas but until then it is all clean!! maybe that will speed up my loss. I hoped to be about 220-222lbs by christmas but since i still weigh 228, I dont know if that will happen. So I figured I would tell you all my goal so that I will feel more accountable. Now if I cheat (which I will not) I will have to tell you all with my head held down in shame and my tail between my legs ;)  I had a good day today. started out the week on a somewhat normal sleep schedule which is a task every week. then tonight i fell asleep at 10:30 and woke up at 3 am and could not go back to sleep. Things were zooming in and out of my head like crazy!! “how much money do I have left for christmas” , “did DH get his money from that guy” “what size shoes does DS wear?”  “did i put the clothes in the dryer?” ect…. I hate that!! so now its 4:30am and I am wide awake! ugh….. but i ate real good monday and did my 4th spin class! I love that class. I feel so good when its over!!  I think I might try a step class this week sometime.

B-fruit smoothie with non fat yogurt and honey

L- tiny bowl of bean soup and a salad with spinach, seeds, and light catalina

D- chicken with whole grain noodles in a light sauce with asparagus

S- small bowl of kashi cereal with light soy milk

Im so tired right now. I am at work and its been pretty busy. didn’t get much sleep today because the kids were louder than usual. I was hoping to get to the gym in the morning, but I dont know if I will make it being this tired :(   sleep is just as important as exercise in losing weight.  I hate being sleep deprived because it makes me irritable. I have been irritated with everyone today. It seems like all my patients are just irritating me. ugh…. Dont worry…. I dont show my irritation to them ;)  I am a respiratory therapist, but I am also a human and dont like being coughed on.  for some reason, some people assume that because you are in the medical field that it doesn’t bother us to be coughed on, or flashed.  Like all manners go out the window just because you are admitted to the hospital!!!  hello!!! If you have a cough and are able to cover your mouth,  than do it!!!!!!! I can catch a virus just like anyone else… OK, sorry rant over.  oh, and please put a blanket on, I dont need to see your thingamajig.  ok, done……

I am also hungry, so I am going to go eat my salad now.  maybe I will be less irritable after that

B- fruit smoothie with nonfat yogurt and honey

L- bean soup

D- going to be a salad with spinach, vegies, yogurt honey mustard dressing, hard boiled egg, and seeds.

S- green tea, 2% cheese stick

well, I did my 3rd spin class tonight and it’s getting easier!! I got one of those cushions to go on the bike seat because those seats are like torture devices.  It helped a lot. Im not even sore right now.  such a difference from the 1st one. Its amazing how quickly our muscles can adapt.  I am by far the biggest one in the class, but that doesn’t bother me. When I look at myself in the mirror standing up on that bike and working my butt off, I am happy with what I see and I am proud!  I also know that if I keep doing what i’m doing…one day I will not be the biggest person in that class. 

In august my gym started this thing called “the great turkey melt down”. It was a weight loss challenge for thanksgiving.  It wasn’t really a contest with the other people. It was a contest to see if we could reach our own personal goal. so, we set a goal the 1st week of august and weighed weekly. It ended on thanksgiving.  My goal was to lose 30lbs.  I knew that I lost more than that. I thought that was it, I got a “good job” from my trainer and “keep up the good work” ect… but, tonight I came into the gym and my trainer handed me a certificate for exceeding my goal. We also get a t shirt, and are going to have our picture taken. (there were 3 others who exceeded their goals). My gym is affiliated with the hospital I work for, so that picture is going to be with an article in our weekly newsletter!! She also said something else was in the works, but didn’t want to tell me yet??? I know its not like Im famous or anything, but its sort of exciting! I put my certificate on my fridge, lol!! maybe i’ll frame it ;)  anyway, I thought it was nice that they acknowledged us in that way.

B-fruit smoothie with non fat yogurt and honey

S- small candy cane

L- 2 bowls of tuscan white bean soup

S- WW ice cream bar

D- salad with hard boiled egg, sunflower seeds, spinach, and fat free greek dressing, brussel sprouts

(wow, my snacks could have been healthier, huh?)

this is a pic of my chitlins, my joy, and my motivation:

today was much better.  I ate right, and worked out hard at the gym. still feeling guilt over last night, but i am trying to move on…. I went christmas shopping tonight, but sort of ashamed to say, I spent a lot of time just trying on clothes. I didn’t end up buying anything for myself (except a new bra and pj pants) but I tried on numerous shirts and pants.  A whole new world of clothes is opening up to me now!!  Even tho it has gotten better than it use to be, plus size people really dont have nearly as many options as smaller people have.  Now that I fit into a 2x (sometimes a 1x) there are so many more options for me, and I love it!! even if I don’t have the money to buy all these things, its nice to know I could if I wanted to :D  also, I dont really want to buy a whole bunch of stuff because I am shrinking out of them fairly quickly. so, I’ve decided just to buy enouph clothing to get me by until I reach my goal.  Once I’ve reached my goal I am sure I will go hog wild on a new wardrobe (take out a loan if I have to, lol).   It’s ashame they dont make more stores out there for us heafty girls.  but soon, I wont have to worry about that anymore ;)  

I got lots of christmas shoping done today, and I’m watching the christmas story right now, i love that movie!  so, Im feeling pretty festive at the moment!  “you’ll shoot your eye out kid” LOL!

B- fruit smoothie with avacado, nonfat yogurt and honey

L-salad with olives and sunflower seeds with low fat greek dressing & small bowl of kashi cereal with lite soy milk

D- Healthy choice chicken and pasta dish

S- WW ice cream bar, apple

S- a small side salad with low fat greek dressing

I have been doing so good lately with my food.  I mean yeah I ate a lot on thanksgiving, but it was planned and It was my “treat meal” for the week. I haven’t binged just out of the blue for a long while….until tonight. (i am still awake because I am a night owl)  so, its still tonight to me, lol.  Now, it wasn’t planned at all, but I sort of saw it coming all day.  I use to be a very good cook. I would cook a big elaborate meal about 4-5 times a week back in the “old days” before my change.  so now that my whole way of cooking and eating is different, I dont make those old favorites I use to make all the time. One of my very favorite meals was my yummy meatloaf. It had been ages since I made it, so I planned on making it tonight with the intention of only eating one portion of it with a small portion of roasted potato’s and corn. I made it with very lean ground beef.  anyway…..all day I have been a little apprehensive about it because I sort of “knew” that this was going to be a challenge (to not go back for 2nds).  I ate good all day and worked out. Then I made the dinner. It smelled so good, It turned out perfect, and soooooooooo scrumptious.  You see where this is going right? I had two plates.  Then somewhere along the way that turned into some ice cream, and some cheeze its (left over from thanksgiving) and then later, some more meatloaf and potato’s.  I felt it coming on, and I know why it happened.  I just can’t make those yummy big elaborate meals any more. The meatloaf meal obviously triggered some evil thing in me that made me want to eat, and eat and eat.  so, now I am left feeling way too full, defeated, and guilty.  The way I figure it is i am going to use this as my Treat meal (well more like two) for this week and just eat real clean tomorrow. The whole time I was eating this crap I was totally aware of what I was doing. some times when i eat too much I dont even realize what Im doing but tonight I knew….and I did it anyway.  WHY??? I also knew that I was going to regret it, but yet i still shoveled in the food.  I am just going to have to work harder at the gym for the next few days. I deserve a swift kick in the ass!

btw, i added a little more info and background to my “about me” section. I feel closer to all of you guys now and thought I should open up a little more.

B- fruit smoothie with nonfat yogurt (very good)

L-salad with spinach, hard boiled egg, and sunflower seeds, with lite honey mustard

S- ww ice cream bar

D- meatloaf, roasted potato’s, corn, brownie ice cream, cheese its, a little debbie cake, more meatloaf and potatos.    and so on, and so forth.

woo hoo!!!! I made it through the whole class, and for some reason it seemed easier!  dont get me wrong, it was still very hard and my whole body felt it, but being that it was only my 2nd class I was very surprised that it felt so much easier than the 1st class. I just hope Im not so sore tomorrow.  Somehow I dont think i will be. I was so happy to finish the entire class. I know that this class is going to help me see results quicker than the other stuff. I’m just thankful that something has really clicked in my head that makes me certain that I will reach my goal of being healthy and fit :)  It’s just not an option anymore.  went shoping today and my whole cart was filled with fruits and vegies, except for some of the other random stuff for DH and the kids.  I crave my fruit smoothies. If you guys want an idea for a good breakfast try this: a third of a pineapple cut up,  a handful or two of strawberries, handful of blueberries, one cup of lite soy milk, tbsp of honey, blend in a blender and enjoy!  I try new creations with my smoothies every day. If you dont want the soy milk and honey, It’s good with just the fruit blended up too! you can use all kinds of fruit.  I’m going to try it with non fat yogurt tomorrow.  I’m halfway through my superfoods healthstyle book, and Im loving it!  Makes me want to eat blueberries, spinach, and salmon every day :)  well, hope you all had a good monday.

B- whole grain oatmeal with cinnamon and honey

L-healthy choice chicken rice thingy, and some popcorn.

D- Tuna with onion, relish, and fat free mayo on whole grain crackers

S- pineapple, orange, and yogurt smoothie

I should be sleeping.  hopefully after i get off here, I will be able to sleep.  I have a bit of an issue getting on a normal sleep schedule. I work midnights friday and saturday, and then try to get back to “normal” on the weekdays. I usually fail miserably. And it is miserable too.  so, after work this morning I went to work out at 7am.  It’s hard to get motivated after working 12 hrs to go to the gym, but after words I feel so much better. So then I slept for a few hrs and got up to do the christmas decorating.  We moved this year, so this is the first christmas in this house. I wasn’t sure if the tree would fit because its a pretty ginormous tree. Beautiful, full, prelit tree. Hubby got it in the house, and got it put together with a few choice words to go along with it. And then he went to put the top on, and It didn’t fit!!  I was so upset. He even went as far as to saw off the tip to see if we could squeeze it in. No go.  So we went and got a 7ft tree, which looked ok on the box.  When we put it up I was so disappointed :(  It looks like a charlie brown tree, seriously…. skinny!  so, my beautiful big tree is on the front porch for decoration, and we have a skinny little charlie brown tree in our living room.  oh well, I’m sure it will grow on me. the rest of the house looks great, I love decorating for holidays :)  so, half way through the holiday madness, I realized I haven’t eaten yet today!  Now….does this mean i actually forgot to eat? Or maybe just was too busy to notice? Idk, but I do know that it is not something that I would have done 8 months ago, that’s for sure.   well, I need to stop babbleing on, and try to get some sleep.

B- Nothing, oops (well, i did have a sugar free vanilla iced coffee)

S- string cheese stick, danactive

L- campbells french onion soup

S- handful of popcorn, fiber one bar

D- baked salmon, asparagus, grape tomato’s…..an orange