The Secret to Losing Weight and Keeping It Off

‘Tis true. Oh sure I’d like to think that I’m just a thin girl trapped in a fat girls body. And maybe if I was mildly overweight that could be true. But I’m well over 100 lbs overweight. I weigh 256 lbs. I am a fat girl. Hear me roar. I think about food constantly. Good food, bad food, food is my passion. I am always aware of the current status of my stomach. Hunger is pain for me.

I look at situations from a fat girl perspective. I walk in the room and evaluate if I’m the fattest person there. I know better to even walk into stores where things won’t fit me. In fact, I barely even walk into stores where things WILL fit me. I mean what’s the point? To depress myself further? I don’t want to go on vacations that involve a plane ride because my nifty fat girl brain thinks about how I might not fit in the seat, or about how I might have to sit next to someone skinny who will be grossed out by me…or even WORSE sit by someone fat and have to elbow for space.

I went to the movie the other night and I went by myself (not a fat girl thing, a momneedstogetOUTofthehouse thing). I was thinking man I hope noone sits next to me. Not because I didn’t want to sit next to a stranger but because I knew I’d be uncomfortable squished to one side of my seat.

Will I ever be able to think like a thin person? Or even when I’m thin will I think like a fat person? Maybe I’m a fat person because my brain is a fat persons brain?

Well this is a strange post and my baby boy is calling me, so I will publish and edit later LOL

Filed under: Uncategorized on November 24th, 2009 | No Comments »

So the other night I went to Barnes and Nobles and decided to peruse the diet books. I found one called Secrets of a Former Fat Girl and sat down to browse through it.
It was a good read. At times a funny read. One of the things the author suggest you do is write out a list of all the diets you’ve ever been on and what you liked about them and what you really didn’t.
Here’s my list:

Weight Watchers & Calorie Counting:

LIKE- can eat anything, pretty cut and dry, sensible
DISLIKE- counting, always hungry, having to calculate points or calories for meals was/is maddning at times

Atkins/South Beach:

LIKE- no counting!, eat until full, fast weight loss
DISLIKE- restrictive, too many phases, terrified of carbs
Go out and party all night diet:

LIKE- went out to clubs and danced the night away, FUN! Lost weight without really feeling like I was working at it
DISLIKE- um, it was exhausting and it would not fit into my lifestyle right now at all
Don’t go hungry diet:

LIKE- not restrictive in terms of what I could and couldn’t eat
DISLIKE- too much mind work
I’m sure there have been some other diets in there, but those are the most recent/main ones that I can think of. Basically it seems like I don’t like counting, restricting, or anything
that’s too much work (um hmmm, it’s a wonder how I got fat in the first place! *sarcasm*)…
So what’s a girl to do?
My ideal plan I would write down what I ate, eat whatever I want, and not have to think too much about it. Um, yeah that’s basically what I’ve always done in the past.
How is this supposed to help me? In my case I don’t think it unveils some amazing diet breakthrough. If anything it just tells me that I’m lazy and I want weight loss to be fun and
effort free. Well I need more structure than that clearly. So I’ll just keep trucking doing what I’m doing and tweak as I go.
Maybe this is one of those exercises that I look back on 50 lbs from now???

 

 

Filed under: Weight loss on November 23rd, 2009 | 1 Comment »

Ugh, I’m not doing so well with my exercise. I have no idea why. It’s just proving tough for me lately. I don’t have the motivation or desire to do it and when I do do it it totally wipes me. I’m not getting that satisfied feeling afterwards. I’m just kind of tired…and that’s it.

I need to get my exercise and my eating back on track. Back to my basics. I’m not going to beat myself up over this. No no. I’m doing this for life and I’m not always going to be 110% perfect. This is not an excuse to throw in the towel. I’m .4 lbs away from 15 lbs lost! This is a big big deal. It will put me on the other “side” of the 200’s. A side that once I got into last time…I vowed never to step out of again. And yet here I sit. I can do this.

I have so much fear that this time will be like all the other times. It just can’t be.

Filed under: Uncategorized on November 16th, 2009 | No Comments »

1. to be healthy

2. to be strong and fit

3. to be a good example for my kids

4. so my kids don’t get embarrassed because they have a fat mom

5. so my husband doesn’t get embarrassed by having a fat wife

6. to not be the fattest person in my family

7. to be the FITTEST person in my family

8. so I can wear cute clothes and be a total MILF

9. to live longer and be better able to fight for my life if the need arises

10. to feel confident when I walk into a room that people are looking at ME and not my waistline

11. to be a success story

12. to prove that I can trump genetics and PCOS

13. to be able to go to an amusement park with no fear that I won’t fit into the rides

14. to be able to go to school, or go on an airplane without fear that I won’t fit

15. to know what it’s like to be thin and pretty

16. to shove it in certain peoples faces (I know I know, but yeah…it’s true)

17. to have more energy

18. to have better quality sleep

19. to experience a thin pregnancy

20. to be able to shop where I want to instead of where I HAVE to

21. to look sexy when I dress up

22. for better skin

23. so I can go to the grocery store and not worry that everyone is checking out the fat girls cart

24. So I look as beautiful as the rest of my family

25. So that my kids never have to deal with being overweight. Being healthy and active will come 2nd nature to them

26. To prove to myself and to others that I’m worth it

27. To strengthen my resolve and show myself that I can accomplish big things in life

28. To be normal

29. So that I can go into the dr’s office and walk away with him/her saying that I am the picture of health

30. So that I can be an inspiration for others

Filed under: Uncategorized on November 10th, 2009 | No Comments »

I’m a helper. I like to help people. I like to do things for people. Most of all I like to make people happy. Whether that’s giving them advice, doing something nice for them whatever. But you can’t make everyone happy all the time. And there are some people that you can NEVER make happy. Like it or not, personalities clash sometimes and there will be some people that don’t like you even when you are trying to shine your best and brightest towards them.

Those people make life hard for me. I take them very personally. The words they say sting more than any others and I let them get to me way too often. Most people would just say, well forget you than. But the people pleaser in me keeps fighting for thier friendship. It’s odd, I’m not a people pleaser in that I tell people what they want to hear. On the contrary, I just tell the truth. I don’t often make excuses for my opinions on things but that doesn’t mean I don’t have an open mind. Some people don’t seem to like this quality in me. I think they’d rather me just shut up. This of course makes me try harder to get them to like me. I try to be nicer, be kinder, be MORE helpful. Which just makes the situation that much worse. But hey, most people I know do like me…why don’t you? What is YOUR beef with me?

The emotional part of weight loss means I have to deal with this part of me. In the past when a situation like this would arise, I’d immediatly run for comfort in food. I simply can’t use that as a coping mechanism anymore. So I cry. Which isn’t very productive either, but keeps me from eating. Well now I think I’ll blog. I already feel better typing this out. Putting the feelings into words. It brings some clarity to the situation and honestly makes me wonder why I bother with people like that. They don’t like me. That doesn’t neccessarily make them a bad person, it just means that they don’t like me. It’s a personality clash. If I’m being truly honest with myself…I dont’ much like them either! So why the fight for thier friendship? Why must everyone like me?

Points to ponder on a cloudy monday morning.

Filed under: Uncategorized on November 9th, 2009 | 1 Comment »

I like having a few high calorie days. I can get away with it at this point and maybe when I get closer to my goal I won’t be able to. I do think I need to rethink how I handle them though. I tend to eat like a bird all day long and than gorge myself on dinner. That used to not be a problem, but nowadays it’s just too darn uncomfortable. Between the lesser calorie intake most other days, my ulcer and the shock to my system the somewhat unhealthy meals I choose on my high cal days…my body just rebels.

You’d think I remember this on my high calorie days. I don’t ENJOY feeling like this. It hurts and it’s just uncomfortable. The food wasn’t worth it either. And honestly, since I ate like a bird all day…I really didn’t end up going that high above my calories. Which means that the calories I did use today were mainly wasted on something somewhat unhealthy that caused me pain later.

I need to remember and learn this lesson. I mean eventually it has to click right? The 4am wake up call of my ulcer where I think I am going to go to the ER if it doesnt’ go away…that’s not enough?

I do good most of the time. Making good choices, using my calories wisely, but than I splurge and it just hurts. So I’m posting about it so maybe writing it down will help me learn from it.

Filed under: Uncategorized on November 6th, 2009 | No Comments »

You know those days when you can eat your arm? Well that was today. I was good, I stayed in my calories and made good choices. But I was so hungry! I’m STILL hungry.

But I am so proud of myself for sticking to my calories and making healthy choices. Usually on a day like today I’d binge and eat everything in sight. Let’s face it, I didn’t get to 270 lbs by enjoying the feeling of being hungry! I know though that if I just wait it out, tomorrow I will be less hungry and more able to manage my diet. If I go off track today and binge binge binge, tomorrow will be hard. It will be a battle of wills to get back on track again.

I’m a binge eater. Not a crazy 10,000 calorie at a time binge eater (although I’m sure I have done that in the past), but a slippery slope binge eater. What I mean by that is that if I had given in today…if I had eaten everything I wanted to eat (luckily none of that is in the house right now, so I didn’t even have the option)…tomorrow I would have eaten worse, and the next day even worse. Until finally I was back to my old ways and figuring that losing weight, for me, is just a lost cause.

I don’t think you should be hungry when you are trying to lose weight. I mean with how many low calorie foods there are out there….there’s really no need. But even if I had eaten my weight in vegetables today, I suspect the gnawing hunger would still be there. Not sure if that’s a female thing or a fat person thing, but I think everyone has these bottomless pit days. And I think that for most people, one day of constant grazing won’t hurt them. But for me, it will. So I go to bed hungry tonight. Knowing that tomorrow will be a better day for it.

And the extra calories I didn’t gorge on today (because in fact, if you count my workout today…I’ve actually come under budget calorie wise today) I can enjoy in a nice family meal out. A much better PLANNED use of enjoying food. It’s the whole, don’t eat the cookie because it’s there. If you don’t really want the cookie and you really want a chocolate bar, hold out for the chocolate bar! Sounds simple, but it’s sooo not.

Filed under: Calories, Emotional Eating on November 5th, 2009 | No Comments »

So I am blogging by accident. I intended to set up a 3FC blog, but never got around to doing it. It would take too much time. I have too much going on in my life to devote to blogging (although I do have a family blog I loosely keep updated…it’s mainly just a picture blog though). Blah blah blah.

Well I was clicking on someone else’s link to thier 3FC blog and for some reason it didn’t take me to thier blog. It took me to the spot to sign up for my own blog. A sign.

So here I am. Writing my first post on my new blog and hoping it’s not my last. Public weight loss is supposed to be better than keeping it all hidden. Putting it out there encourages you to stick with it. While that hasn’t been my experience in the past…we’ll see what happens now.

So the secret to losing weight and keeping it off. For me I think I am having to revamp what I think that means. It doesn’t mean a fad diet. It doesn’t mean finding out what that girl who lost 100 lbs in a year is doing…or what that girl who lost 20 lbs in a month is doing. It’s figuring out what MY secret for weight loss is and MY secret to keeping the weight off. Well I can tell you what it’s NOT. But I’m not so sure I can tell you what it is.

For now, I’m calorie counting and watching my carb/protein/fat ratios. It’s working for me I guess. But I am so lost about whether I’m consuming enough or too many calories. My metabolism is so wonky from all the yo yo dieting I’ve done through the years, not to mention having PCOS.

Right now this is my plan:

1500-1800 calories a day. I’d like a weeky average of around 1700?

3-5 days of exercise

5 servings of produce a day

1 glass of milk or 1 container of yogurt a day

40% carbs, 30% fat, 30% protein

 

And it will be tweaked as I go! So wish me luck. I am currently 260 lbs. Down from 270 lbs on October 8th.

Filed under: Calories, Exercise, Weight loss on November 4th, 2009 | 3 Comments »