SO FREAKIN FRUSTRATED

What exactly is it going to take to get me to be serious about the weight loss.  Every single cotton picking day (during the week) I start off great.  Every single day I mean it.

Then comes the weekend.  Or something…… Today I weighed in at 188.4.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  Maybe I’m bloated, maybe I somehow managed to gain three pounds over the weekend.  Maybe the maker is playing a horrible trick on me. 

MAYBE I’M FREAKING OUT!!!

 

RUINED by the weekend-

All of the hard work and rigidity I instilled into last week with eating and exersize was washed down the drain this weekend.

Friday, as I set out for home after work, I was determined to go home and jump on the elliptical machine.  Know what I did instead?  I stopped at the bar and had a drink.  Just one though…. a major feat. 

I went home and rather than get on the elliptical, I had a small portion of leftover chicken enchiladas (I was starving).  Then I had a vodka Cran…….. it was all downhill from there.  I ate a hot pocket, a twinkie and an ice cream sandwich.  I worked on my book and got no exercize…..

Saturday started off good.  I made my step daughter and I scrambled eggs with spinach for breakfast.  I ate very little of it and started in on the water.  I weeded the flower beds, mowed the ginormous backyard and vaccuumed the house.  For lunch I had a multi-grain flat bread with light cream cheese and sliced tomato (delicious btw) and more water. 

That evening my SO and I went to see WAR at the casino.  It was a Harley Adventure night and although we stopped and had a drink on the way, I felt pretty much on plan, despite my disasterous evening on Friday.  War was great!!!  We had great fun with our best friends….. and then we went to the buffet……  I didn’t do so bad there either though.  Salad, grilled chicken and a whole bunch of King Crab.  Kind of ruined the healthy-ness by dipping the crab in tartar sauce though……

Yesterday we participated in a 9/11 Memorial ride and dedication of a new piece featuring two of the steel beams from the World Trade Center.  It was very touching.  We also ate hamburgers, and after went for pizza.  Baked potato at home for dinner……. *Sigh……. I hate weekends.  This morning weighed in at 187.1……… DAMN IT.

Back on track today.  Must get started on some water.  I’m so disappointed in myself.

Happy Friday My Fit Friends!

Short post today, busy at work, and obviously not doing a good job of getting it done at the moment :)

Last night was semi-disasterous to my plan.  I fell prey to the mighty cocktail, BUT (and a big but at that), I only had one (pat on the back), and due to time constraints and general busy-ness, I did not get on my elliptical machine, that means no exersize yesterday.  I also did not have dinner.  So, kept the calories I would have burned from working out, did not have any dinner calories, had drink calories.  Then…… Confession of the day, I had four oreo cookies at ten o’clock with a glass of fat free milk.  The oreos only had 200 calories…..

Now for the magical amazing part.  This morning, I had my official weigh in for the week.  185.4.  1 lb less than yesterday. 

What did we learn here girls and boys….. um….. don’t exercize and eat cookies before bed = lose one pound.

Crazy.  Have a good weekend, good luck sticking to plan! ;)

Success!

Last night I managed to eat a healthy dinner of a small chicken enchilada, did 30 minutes on my elliptical while watching King of Queens and Part of The New Adventures of Old Christine (I am a sucker for sit coms) and avoided both alcohol and late night eating.  I did not get a chance to try the man clamps on my elliptical as my dear guy did not come home before my workout and he gets very cranky when I dig through his garage.  Perhaps later today?

Today is shaping up well too.  Thanks to those of you who offered up comments yesterday!  If I knew how to subscribe to the RSS Feeds I surely would.  I hope to have some time to figure it out this weekend.  I found a couple of blogs here yesterday that echo my sentiments and almost mirror my issues.  I feel like I’ve found some invisible dieting partner friends, so thank you for taking the time to comment on my post! 

One blog that particularly interested me has it’s author making it a goal of losing 5 lbs per month.  That’s the kind of inspiration that I sorely lack.  My problem has been that I will work very hard at diet and exersize, to the point that I find myself losing weight very quickly (and as we all know, unhealthily) and falling off the wagon.  Making small goals of losing 5 lbs per month would put me in a very attractive bikini by next summer and I think I will join the mysterious blogger’s invisible 5lb team.

I am inspired and confident.  I’m planning on making my weekly weigh in day on Friday, but for the record, this morning I weighed 186.4.  Here’s to only seeing smaller numbers from here on.  My goal for October 1 is 181.4!

Things that could potentially ruin a diet day….

1.  18 year old step daughter who likes to run around with a chip on her shoulder, ask me for advice or just life questions in general, then proceeds to argue to death my answers.  I will strive to not argue and to remember what it was like to be that age.  I will also not allow my anger and frustration to lead me into eating ice cream, peanut butter sandwiches and cookies at midnight. 

2.  My dear man, who despite his best intentions often has a bad day in his contractor’s world.  When this happens, he will come home mixing up Vodka Crans.  I will do my best to avoid beginning this behavior prior to his arrival at home (as sometimes is the case when I have the bad day) and avoid having more than one during the week if I cannot will myself to not participate.  I will also make sure to have Diet Tonic Water on hand so that I can avoid filling myself with Cranberry Juice calories in a worst case scenario.

3.  Being too rigid in my program.  I will invite myself into the idea that one cheat day per week is acceptable.  Perhaps I will make it on Saturdays.  This way my cravings for cheeseburgers and fancy cocktails are set into a specific day, never too far away to reach.

4. Exercize Burn Out-  Often I will do the same workout throughout my dieting program, until I burn out on it and quit altogether.  I will supplement the convenience of my bedroom elliptical machine with fun stuff like hiking with friends, Zumba class, Yoga Bootie Ballet, Tai Bo and my newest workout plan, C25K, even though I hate running, I should give it a try.

5.  Too many rules.  STOP WITH THE RULES, ENOUGH ALREADY  :)

Have a great day and again, thank you to my new found dieting friends.  It’s nice to not really meet you.  Thank you for being interested enough to read my posts and for sharing my journey : )

 

This time it’s for real :)

I’ve been doing pretty well for the past two days.   :)

I just have to get into the groove.  The groove I’m looking for has no cocktails on the horizon, at least no cocktails in excess and certainly no daily cocktails.  I read several articles that implied, no not implied, that blatantly stated that drinking alcohol impedes fat burning.  You see, the other job of the liver (aside from the consumption and delivery of alcohol to the bloodstream) is fat burning.  Each time you consume alcohol the fat burning process is stimied for up to 24 hours. 

This means that for all you liquor loving ladies on a diet, your progress is seriously hampered by that lovely feeling of a buzz. 

Instead, we (I) should seek the buzz that comes from exercize.  I have made progress toward my goal of daily exercize.  I have moved the elliptical machine from its summertime home on the back patio (where spiders have been more than happy to be the sole users), into our bedroom, to my side of the bed, in full view of the television.  It only took me 5 months to do.  Today I will participate in my first bedroom elliptical session.

Last time I was miraculously able to lose the excess weight it was by miracle of 4-5 times a week of an hour on the elliptical machine.  I love to read and if the elliptical has a stand, I am all set.  My elliptical machine does not have a book stand, but I’ve come up with a brilliant plan using working man clamps.  I think it will work.  Today will be the test, then tomorrow, then the day after.

I have to do this now.  I have become unflatteringly flabby (as if flab is ever flattering).  I am on a mission.  And this mission, I intend to accomplish.

THE END.  :)

Post Sturgis Report- Day One Starting Over

It happened just like I didn’t want it to happen.  At the end of April I made a committment to losing weight.  I failed mightily.  In fact, when we got home from Sturgis, I was back up to 190.  *Sigh*

I was a “Big Girl” at the bike rally.  All the skimpy clothes, even the xxl baby dolls came no where near fitting me, and if they did, they accentuated all my lumps and bumps. 

I even bought some Spanx, a waist shaper, since my belly is my biggest problem in my eyes.  It made me feel a little more comfortable in the crowd of bikini clad (or less) women.  I didn’t even think about getting painted.  I am so gross right now. 

When we got home, my SO loving said to me “What happend to your ass?”.  “What” I said, thinking I must have gotten something all over the rear end of my jeans.  “It looks bigger, what happened?”.  I know that was sort of said in jest and sort of said as an inspiration to me.  I need to lose some weight.  I need to lose the 30 lbs I’ve been talking about for six months.  That journey restarts today.

I will be smart about it.  I will drink lots of water, I will eat no carbohydrates, I will excersize, and it will be a daily committment.  Starting right now.  I’m tired of being fat.  I’m tired of trying so hard to look sexy, when really to be sexy, I’m the one who has to believe it.  Thank you for being with me on my journey.  Thank you for your support, and most of all thank you being on a similar journey, I know that I am not alone :)

No Idea What Week, Maybe 9?

I’ve fallen off of the proverbial wagon.  I’ve been eating crap again…. also proverbial : )

I’ve not been that bad, and I’ve been going to the gym for the past couple weeks.  It’s nice to have sore muscles.  The scale isn’t moving…… I’ve been bouncing between 184 and 187 for the past three weeks.  I’ve only weighed in about three times. 

My SO has jumped on the bandwagon!  What a great thing, no more needing to get steaks for him while Des and I eat chicken.  He’s ready.  He’s been pushing it really hard at the gym and at work.  We haven’t had a lot of time to spend together this week.  It irritates me that we don’t go to the gym together.  I like to go right after work, it’s on the way home.  It’s closer to work actually.  I’ve been doing an interval workout on the elliptical (an hour and five minutes the other day!) then swimming a few laps and hitting the sauna.  It’s relaxed me and kind of improved my attitude. 

I say kind of, only because I’ve really been a lot more conscious of my negativity.  I used to be such a happy positive person.  Looking back, I notice how each year I get a little more pessimistic and evil.  Not good.  Working out every day is going to help.  It did before. 

Fourth of July weekend is coming up.  That means our annual foray across the mountains to Loon Lake.  Sometimes fun, usually not.  Something awful happens just about every time.  For example, last year we didn’t even make it.  Three hours into the trip the engine decided to blow up on the Suburban.  The year before my SO (we’ve been together for ten years)’s ex-wife showed up to visit.  The year before that I was bitten by mosquito’s so badly that my eyelids swelled closed (that was a keeper) and on and on and on.  I steel myself in preparation for this year’s trip.  (There I go being negative again). 

So, on a positive note, I AM looking forward to spending some time on the sun, by the lake, at the beach.  Do some tanning, read a book, relax.  I won’t worry about what anyone else has going on. 

That means only about six weeks to Sturgis.  While I will not be in the least bit ready body wise, there is still some time to firm up.  On an equally exciting note, I finally took my Harley out for a ride day before yesterday.

About four months ago, not long after I got the bike, I dropped it at a Stop sign.  A neighbor was outside and helped me pick it up.  I was mortified and even more exciting, I was newly pertrified of the bike.  I finally got up the courage to ride around, and SO followed me on his bike, helping me get some of the confidence that I had lost, back in hand.  I was grateful he came along.  At least I knew that way if something bad happened, someone would be there to help.  I think I’ll be a good Harley rider some day.  I just need to learn the fine of art of stopping instead of jerking to a stop.  That’s what caused me to drop it before.

With practice it will come.  With exercize I will lose the weight and with deep breaths and a little patience I will find my positivity again.

OOOOOOOOh, if you are looking for a delicious breakfast, I totally suggest scrambled eggs, dollop of fat free milk, handful of fresh spinach with feta scramble.  Also good with a bit of shredded mexican cheese (which I tried this morning).  Healthy and delicious.  Just wilt the spinach, don’t kill it.

DRINK WATER !!!!!!

Early in Week 7

Geez it’s been busy the past couple of weeks.  I haven’t had the time or the energy to blog.  Usually (like now) I can write a post at work.  There are property tours coming up and I’ve had photoshopping and maps galore to spew forth from my almighty computer.

Home has been equally daunting as far as private blogging time is concerned.  There always seems to be laundry to do, weeds to pull or dinner to cook, not to mention grocery shopping.

This past weekend was the senior prom for 17, and I made sure she was well appointed and set to have fun.  We spent three evenings last week shopping for prom shoes.  She certainly turned out to be a gorgeous prom girl though and even if I didn’t see the crowd there is no doubt she was one of the prettiest in the room.  That not-with-standing though, she did drive me to the poor house.  It’s gonna be a lean next eight days with very little spending money.  Good thing the grocery shopping got done.

As far as diet is concerned, I’ve cut the alcohol down (though not on Saturday) to none during the week at all.  Last night we went swimming and tonight we are going to the gym for the first day of a two week family trial.

I stayed off the scale for a week and a half while I didn’t drink enough water and ate too much bad stuff.  When I finally dared to step on it on Thursday, I saw 184.0.  I was pleasantly surprised.  That with TOM arriving early on Saturday morning I cannot complain.  Friday morning I saw 183.6.  At least we’re making some progress. 

Hopefully with the addition of some family oriented exersize I can see a drop this week.

Most of last week I was sick to my stomach and couldn’t bear to eat much, I’m sure that was a contributor to the probable loss as well. 

Not weighing in everyday certainly has helped my overall attitude, not seeing the 2-3 lb swings makes me more willing to not give up.  However, it also makes me not as accountable with the water drinking at least.

Happy dieting and good luck on obtaining a loss this week everyone!  Thanks for reading

Week Six I think-

I have been horribly offplan for over a week now.  I am scared to get on the scale.

We’ve had some drama-trauma at home.  17 is getting ready to spend the summer with her mom.  Whenever a long trip/vacation to the island comes up, all hell breaks loose.  She doesn’t do her chores, her mouth gets out of hand and the second I get off of work a sense of dread comes over me.  It is all I can do to not call her a bratty little bitch.  She makes me eat cookies, but more than that, she drives me to drink. 

I am not blaming her for my drinking problem.  I’m just saying she doesn’t help.

After the crazy scale jumping a week and a half ago I have not stepped foot on it.  I have not exersized, nor have I made that big of an effort to continue my dieting.  I have eaten ice cream, I have eaten hamburgers, I have eaten potato chips.

We went camping this past weekend.  We drove about four hours northeast and went to Bumping River near Naches on Mount Rainier.  The campground still had snow around the edges.  During the day it was sunny and warm.  Well, warm for jeans and sweatshirts.  We did some hiking and a little running around in the forest.  At night it got below freezing.  It was a good test for our new camper.  Joe put it on the Monster truck and lo and behold the heater worked, so it was only sort of cold for us.

We drank a lot of alcohol.  Joe and I have been together for ten years.  With me having my new job I can’t help him as much with his business.  I think he resents me for it.  We are either in a sore spot in our relationship or participating together in a landslide to the end.  It’s really hard to say.

I went and had breakfast with my mom this morning.  I miss her.  I used to stop by for lunch at least once a week between jobs.  Now I’m not near the house very often.  She made me some delicious scrambled eggs with spinach and feta, served with whole wheat toast.  It was delicious!  I’ve tried to drink water today but I’m exhausted.

I went out for a drink (OK four) after work yesterday and didn’t come home until around 7:30.  True to form I did bring home movies and dinner was already cooked in the crockpot, but Joe was pissed.  He always seems so angry these days.  I went and laid down around 8:30 and fell asleep by ten.  When he came to bed it woke me up.  He carefully arranged his pillows between us.  That had me awake for hours, tossing and turning.  We are supposed to be partners and he acts like a child.  Not that my going out wasn’t childish. 

Anyway.  No drinking today.  No crazy food tonight.  Maybe some exersize.  I’m hoping for a loss when I jump on the scale tomorrow and I hope for some decent sleep tonight.  Have a great day bloggers!

 

 

Week Four, Thursday Already

So this morning the scale said 186.2.  Better than 187 from yesterday and way better than the 189 I saw on Monday or Tuesday.  Still nowhere near the 182 I saw last week, though I’m sure that is my completely dehydrated and in utter hungover pain. 

Go some exersize yesterday and going to get some more today.  I will continue to drink the water and eat correctly, I hope to become less frustrated with the scale in the near future.

17 and I were talking about doing the cabbage soup diet for a week.  I have a copy of the syllabus (if you will) and it doesn’t appear to be particularly bad.  It’s all fruits and veggies with a steak here and there.  The only problem is that I don’t think I can afford all that for the coming week.  Gotta do something, I am so very very sick of the roly poly belly look.