a new me in progress

Good morning!  I started my day with 30 minutes on the elliptical, so yay me.  It has been harder and harder to drag myself out of bed to get to the gym in the morning, so any day I do feels like a victory.  Especially this week, as it is TOM, again.  Ugh, I swear, what a pain in the backside.

Anyway, last night for dinner I made a greek chicken salad, which is one of our new standby dinners.  Super yummy, and low in calories.  I just make a giant salad with bagged romaine lettuce, sprinkle on some sliced green olives, chopped cucumber, and some fat free feta cheese, then add grilled chicken breast and fat free greek dressing.  Yum!  I like to have a pita on the side, also.  This whole salad was only 325 calories, including the pita.

Even my husband is satisfied with a giant salad like that.  So then I treated myself with a root beer float for dessert.  Probably not the greatest, but it was yummy!  About 350 calories, since I used real root beer instead of diet.  I was well within my calories for the day, but since a bunch of them were sugar, lets not do that too often.

I was thinking this morning about my school days, and all the time wasted in gym class trying to teach me volleyball, square dancing, and floor hockey.  Now, I absolutely hated gym class.  I was a clumsy kid, and sucked at every single sport they tried to teach me.  The only thing I learned for certain was that it was better not to try than to be made fun of by the other kids.  Not the best lesson.  And, when I brought home a D, I learned that my parents didn’t care all that much about gym, either.  So, why must we go through this?  Why couldn’t they have spent that time teaching us about nutrition and exercise, and healthy living?  Couldn’t we just have done calastetics or yoga or something?  Wouldn’t it make sense to teach young people about how to care for their bodies?  Because there are way too many young people, mostly girls, starving themselves.

I have people close to me who have suffered from eating disorders.  And I know many many people just like me who have lived very unhealthy lives.  My sister is super active, and probably healthier than most, but she is addicted to energy drinks.  I can’t even imagine all the sugar, caffeine, and chemicals she is putting into her body with those.  Honestly, while she is thin, I don’t know how healthy she is, because I don’t think she eats enough of the right things.

So this is my random rambling for the day.  Please learn about nutrition, learn about what your body needs and what it doesn’t.  Teach your kids.  Lead by example.  I was raised on white bread and tons of carbs.  Rarely did we eat fresh fruits and vegetables.  But there were always cookies in the house.  Don’t let that be your legacy.  Balance is the key.  OK, time to balance my butt to work.  Have a great day!

I am super excited, because this weekend, Gary and I bought a new grill.  We have had a Weber charcoal grill, but now we have a brand new shiny gas grill.

Isn’t it pretty?  Ok, pretty is maybe a weird way to describe it.  But, it is great.  And, so much quicker to get ready to cook on.  Saturday night we had hamburgers.  Now, if you haven’t tried them, Family Fresh (formerly Econofoods) has these ready made burger patties in their meat dept that are awesome.  I don’t know how many calories are in them, but sometimes you just have to have a good burger.  I had the montery jack bacon, my husband had the bleu cheese bacon burger.  Ready in no time.

The other day I mentioned that I was going to make a salad with my leftover salmon.  Well, I did that on Saturday and we at it with the burgers.  Salmon, asparagus, and orzo salad with lemon dill vinaigrette.  Pretty tasty, actually.  See picture below of the yumminess.

The third item on the plate is a quick fruit salad I like to make in the summer.  Just cherries and peaches tossed with a little lime juice.  Very good.  If you don’t have a cherry pitter, I highly recommend them.  I always clean and half my cherries right away, so I can add them quickly to any dish.  For the burger, I only ate half, because these are big 1/2 lb patties.  I cut it in half, and then used a pita as a bun.  I love these pitas.  They are loaded with good stuff, and only 45 calories each.  Run out and get some!

Well, that is a lot of food talk.  I have said before, the most crucial part of this eating healthy stuff is planning.  Sometimes it is also the hardest part.  But, if you don’t take the time to clean your fruits and veggies, plan some good meals, and shop for the healthy stuff, you will end up eating junk.

My burger was probably higher in calories than I would like, but it was tasty, and I was good with the fruit and the other items I ate.  

OK, so I added up all my estimated calories, and ended up at 1455 for the Saturday and 1520 for Sunday.  That seems pretty low, but I think I estimated pretty accurately. 

Finally, today is challenge update day (www.priorfatgirl.com).  I weighed in today at 208, so I am 8 lbs from my August 1st goal, and 34 lbs from where I started.  Not bad.  I have 3 weeks to lose the 8 lbs, so I feel like that is possible.   

So I am working on learning how to post pictures in my blogs.  Here is a picture of my super wonderful husband and me from our trip the first week of March (this would be at my biggest, 242 lbs).

And here is our super cute doggy, Charlie.  We have had him for about 2 months and he is awesome.  The funny part is, he is super lazy (ok, he is 7, so maybe not lazy but just old), so he peters out on walks before I do.  A perfect dog for 2 couch potatoes like me and Gary, but not so great to help us get in shape.  Oh well, he make up for it in total cuteness.

I will try to get in the habit of adding some more interesting pics and stuff to my blog.  For my friends and family who are new to the blogging world, if you want to leave a comment, just click on the small little “comment” right above where my blog starts.  Have a great weekend, everyone!

So, last night I made a super yummy dinner, which was soo satisfying, and did not break the bank on my calorie intake.  I made baked salmon (very simple, spray a little pam in the bottom of the pan, sprinkled the filets with dill, salt, and pepper), chili garlic noodles (a box mix from the asian section of the grocery store.  It said it was 320 calories a serving, and that there were 3 servings in the box, but there was way more than that), and brussel sprouts in butter sauce (frozen veggies, super easy and delicious, only 60 calories per serving).  It was really great.

And, with my leftover salmon, I am going to try out a recipe from one of my healthy cookbooks, a salmon, asparagus, and orzo salad with lemon dill vinaigrette.  Can’t wait to see how that turns out. 

I have talked before about how much I like to cook, and how much fun it is to discover new and healthier ways to prepare stuff.  One of the things I have recently discovered is that I kind of like spicy brown mustard.  Now, I have never been a mustard person, but my husband loves the stuff, and puts it on everything (that, and hot sauce).  So when making sandwiches, I would sometimes just put mustard on both because it was easier than trying to keep track of which was which (for picnics and stuff).  Now, I actually like it.  And, it is only 5 calories a teaspoon, so it adds a lot of flavor for a little calorie punch.  So no more high fat/high calorie mayo or butter on my sandwiches, just a little touch of mustard.

What great little flavor tricks do you use?

ok, naughty me for not getting back out here yesterday.  But, I’ve had a great few days.  Monday, went to the gym bright and early, 20 min on the bike and 25 min on the elliptical.  Also walked a total of 2.7 miles and ate about 1590 calories.  Monday I weighed 211.5. 

Tuesday, no gym, walked a mile.  Consumed 1730 calories.  Weighed 210 lbs.

Wednesday, walked 1.3 miles, went to gym, 20 min on bike, 25 on elliptical.  Ate 1320 calories, didn’t weigh myself.

Today, weighed in at 208.5 lbs.  No gym this morning, since I went later last night.  But, I’ll walk at lunch (provided it isn’t raining, looks like it could), and hopefully will get to the gym tonight.  Feeling good, though.  Eating good again, which is great.  I can definitely tell the difference when I don’t eat well.  My whole system was off, sluggish and ugh.

So, I am feeling energized and doing all the things I need to do, and as of today, I am down 33.5 lbs from when I started, so “yay me!”

I have a big rush and a bunch of work to do…and haven’t had time to compose my blog entry.  So I’ll try to put it up at lunch or this afternoon.

Ok, so a few posts ago I mentioned that I tend to go back and forth between 3 obsessions; work, weight loss, and fertility stuff.  Yesterday I talked a little about weight loss, and how I had fallen into the trap of feeling like I was done, when in fact I am only 1/3 of the way to my goal.  Now, about my other 2 issues.

Work.  Well, I am actually feeling pretty good about work right now.  I still have a lot of the same frustrations, but I am trying to keep them in perspective, and let go more often.  Also, 2 of my teammates are leaving over the next several weeks.  This is going to make things more stressful for a while, and I will miss them, but it should also give me some great opportunities.  I will be taking on more clients, so will be more busy, and hopefully will get some opportunities to take on a bigger role on the team.  I am going to focus on the exciting changes ahead, and let go of the little issues.

Now, if you have been reading me from the beginning, you know I am having fertility problems.  I don’t know what my odds are of getting pregnant on my own, and I am not going to do any fertility treatments at this time.  Partly because I am nervous about complications, and partly because I just can’t afford it. (and while I said I, of course I mean we, because my husband is right there with me)  So, every month I spiral into a depression that totally throws me off track.  I am trying to break that cycle.  I know I will feel sad each month when I find out I am not pregnant, and I know that my hormones will also be screaming at me.  But I have to remember that God knows things that I do not.  He has a plan, I am sure.  I think He is trying to teach me to react better when things don’t go according to my plan.  I generally tend to wig out and get all hostile.  This is not a good quality to have once you are a mother.  So I am trying to let go of my plans, and leave this up to Him.  I will pray, and at times I will be sad and angry, but I will not let this rule my life.  My other hope is that God is giving me a gift.  He is giving me the gift of time.  Time to spend one on one with my husband.  Time to grow and learn about myself.  And time to make these healthy habits stick, before I get pregnant.

So, today, I weigh 210 lbs.  I have 25 days left of the challenge (over at www.priorfatgirl.com), and 10 lbs to lose.  That might be a little aggressive, but I am just going to keep going the best that I can.  I have already given my $50 at the last benefit for my cousin, Zach, so really this is just for me.  But it was always just for me.  And, I have those awful swimsuit pics (see tab at top of page), to motivate me.  Time to get serious, so I can get out of the swimdress and back into a normal bathing suit.

Here it is…the first post after my vacation, and I am here to tell you what I have figured out.  First…I am still fat.  I have been at the point where a lot of diets go wrong.  I’ve lost 30 lbs, and I have gotten a lot of compliments.  My clothes are loose, and in some cases I have gone down a size.  It is so easy to think, yeah, I’ve made it.  But, I am still fat.  It is like this.  You know the first 60 degree day in March, after a long Minnesota winter?  Everyone is feeling great, talking about how warm it is, and the shorts come out.  People are biking, jogging, finding any excuse to be outside.  Now, take that same 60 degrees in July.  It sucks.  It is cold, the sweatshirts come out, and everyone stays inside.

That is me.  I’ve lost 30 lbs, and it is like the first nice day in spring.  I’m excited, people are complimenting me, life is good.  Except this…the same 60 degrees in July…I am still fat.  I may look better than I did before, but I don’t look good, either.  If I was starting today, at 212 lbs and 5′7″ tall…I would still be obese.  I can’t let myself think it is March and life is good…because it is definitely July.

On that note, I have done what I promised, and posted swimsuit pics (see the tab at the top of the page).  Ugh.  All I need to do is look at them, and I am reminded of how far I have to go.  This is not to dismiss what I have done, but to remind myself that I have a long way to go.  I will get there, I will have my day in the sun.

I have lots more to share…but you’ll have to come back tomorrow.

So here is what I have figured out…I cannot multitask.  I mean, I can multitask in the sense of being able to prioritize my work, make a plan for my day, and all that good stuff.  But, I cannot multitask my obsessions, or whatever you want to call them.  So what happens is, I spend a couple of days or weeks thinking about being healthy.  Mentally planning meals and exercise and imagining how great it will be to be thinner and healthy and energetic.  Then, the next days or weeks are focused on baby stuff.  Will I get pregnant, should I do treatments, what about adoption?  I obsess about that, and lose the healthy focus…then I spend some time obsessing about work.  What is frustrating me, what new challenges are ahead, what opportunities are coming up?

So, I keep losing my focus on the healthy thing, because I can’t obsess about 2 things at once.  And, I really shouldn’t be obsessing, but I can’t think of another word to describe it.  It is really all about the primary thought floating around my brain.  The day-dreaming, if you will, that goes on while driving, when trying to fall asleep, and any other time my brain isn’t 100% focused on something else.  How do I get my healthy habits to be habits that I don’t have to obsess over?  How do I train myself to be able to think about many things at once, or at the very least, how to turn off those thoughts that aren’t useful?

These are some of the questions I am hoping to answer.  I am on vacation for the next week, so I won’t be updating the blog.  But, I will be doing some soul searching, and life planning (wow, how new age-y of me). 

I am going to find a way to make some plans, or at least goals, for all these areas of my life.  And I am going to write them all down, and figure out a way to stop obsessing.  Then, I am going to take action.  Action to get back to the healthy life, get my eating back in line, get my exercise routine established and get off my butt in general.  Hopefully, I will be able to find a way to deal with the fertility issues.  Make some decisions, find a way to put it in Gods hands, and stop obsessing for now.  Make some goals for work, and then stop thinking about it. 

Hopefully, all of this will make sense when I write it all down, and I will try to share some of it with you when I get back.  Happy 4^th of July, everyone!

well, I got nothing today…Just work, no motivation, no inspiration.  Looking forward to my vacation, just 3 days of work to get through.  Will try to get inspired later today.  If you have some motivation, send it my way.