Love yourself

Posted by gum232 on February 24th, 2015 |Filed Under ME | Leave a Comment

It’s been a while since I’ve written.  A lot has gone on and changed in my life over the last few years. Here I am at 46 years old.  My life has physically been one of instability.  I am a survivor of morbid obesity yet struggle every day and at every meal.  I will always have to eat multiple times throughout the day.  There’s no choice in having to eat for my body, however the choices lie within choosing the right, or healthiest options for my temple.  Will I always eat 100% “right” for my body?  No!  I know better.  I am human.

Mentally I have always had difficulties being “me”.  Unfortunately a lot of it seems to stem from the aforementioned – morbid obesity.  My self image has been based on what others have said and not said, how society “suggests” either straight out or subliminally into our minds how our physique “should” be and how I have let, or allowed, those influences to form my opinion of me.

I have never had problems getting a man’s attention.  Emotionally this has had some detrimental effects on me too.  I have allowed myself to be treated in ways that I should not have submitted to thinking that someone would love me “if only” I would do this, be this way or challenge my own beliefs on morality all while being neglected and somewhat disregarded as a person with a soul and feelings. I deserve to be loved but I have to love me first.  I have learned that I have value thus have made changes that will benefit me hopefully in God’s eyes.

Religiously God has gotten me to where I am today.  He is, has and always be there for me when no one else is.  I have learned to let myself have a voice about my worth.  I am worthy.  I am worthy of not being treated in ways that I don’t want to be.  I have the right and freedom to walk away, avoid involvement or demand respect. God is my answer and my salvation.  Through Him and Him alone do I truly find peace when I open my heart and soul to His guidance and trust Him entirely.  I am at peace when I trust.

Over the last few months, living separated from a man with whom initially I thought we would grow old together, I have come to see that I am going to be okay.  I don’t want to be alone, nor does anyone I suppose.  It is better to be alone and want to go home by yourself than to dread going home to an unhappy situation.  I am receptive to change yet now I have a mental list of values.  I was in an abusive marriage years ago that fortunately I was able to separate from.  To some degree there is abuse in every relationship with give and take.  How much am I willing to give? Everything!  How much am I willing to take? Nothing less than I personally feel that I need.

I don’t know your personal life or your history.  Are you happy with whom you reside-inside your own body?  We are not guaranteed to live the next minute.  What kind of legacy will you leave?  I want people to know that I am a positive person.  I haven’t always been so positive through certain situations.  Now is different.  I value myself and others.  I want the best for others so why not want the best for me first?  God commands that you love your neighbor as yourself…Mark 12:33 KJV

Who do you think God thinks is the most important person in your life?

You cannot go to Heaven or Hell for anyone but YOU.  You can’t change people that don’t want to change or accept instruction.  I can only do for ME and ultimately my soul is His and will ultimately return to Him or be turned away from Him.  I have to do right today for salvation and eternity is inevitable and I only really get one chance to live this life right in God’s eyes.  Treat your body as the temple that God has given you to transport your soul.  Treat your soul as God wants you too – love yourself.

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